No more fear

For the sake of my sanity, I’ll follow my intuition. Not really knowing where it is taking me, I will continue to follow its lead. I’ll just need to trust this feeling with all my hurts, cause with all honesty, it's my last card to play. I will need to trust that all, and following the path to my purpose, start to live my new reality. It feels unreal, that for the first time in the history of my life existence, I’m truly and finally connecting with my highest version of self. I feel disoriented, not knowing what my next move will be. Trying to avoid ,better yet, to transmute any fear left in me. That's part of my past. My present is uncertain, stably uncertain. But at least I know that no matter my current circumstances, there is better to come. That this is just temporary, part of my inner and outer process. Part of who and what I need to be now to be the best of me now. It intrigues me that it's not just me that I'm looking after. I have my squad, my tribe, which I feel I need to lead for. My moves are our moves, we are in this together, but I still need to lead the walk. This is just temporary, once we reconnect once again maybe even for the first time with our sacred temple, we will all be free.

Free of what you may ask? Free from a limited, judgmental society built by a controlling, manipulative system built by a collective whose intentions are to fill their validity tank at the cost of the ones who have been blocked and taken away from their inner power and divine nature. Learning, or perhaps remembering how to be in charge of your own life takes effort, and inner will and strength. We have been told how, why and what to do all of our lives and when we finally decide to take control of our own existence, we feel lost, alone and trapped into a state of mind that feels impossible to get out. We start wandering in circles, making the same mistakes all over again as if they were unresolved patterns which turn into endless cycles of despair. Making you feel like perhaps, stepping out of the system was the worst decision that you ever taken in your entire life's existence.

What do I do now? I'm here, there's no way back. I know deep into the core of my soul that I made the best inspired decision ,following for the first time my intuition. It feels unreal. I never really experienced how following your intuition felt like. I always shushed my inner voice by making it believe that stress was the cause of our insanity. Fear wants to enter once away, my toes start twisting, dancing on their own. This is it, this is it. These are the opportunities provided by a combination of invisible forces which reside within. As I breathe, I feel, I remember and accept. No more expectations, no more unwanted obligations, no more undesirable relationships, no more fear of control, no more falsity, no more of that nonsense that did not fully allow us to be ourselves in a healthy and lovely way.

Everything is ok, flowing its divine course. I can now see what my intuition has been trying to show me all along. Trust is my last card, the one that will shake my reality completely. Trust leads to Faith, or maybe the other way around. Fear wants in, he knocks on the layers of my weakest corners, thinking that after all I went through, he still has a chance. Poor imbecile. I’m dissolving all the damages that he had caused in the course of my life. All the lack of knowledge, wisdom and patience that was taken from me by a system concreted by fear.

It has been tough, moments of loneliness, mistrust, just not fitting in with any one in my surroundings except for my tribe, my small but infinite eternal tribe. Moments of wanting to disappear from the phase of existence. Feeling intense despair which intensified thinking of how to make my children's life a better one. Which I still feel that way but with more grace and ease. I can now see that despair is what contributed to my growth and shift. So for the first time after who knows when, I say THANK YOU. Thank you everything there is, for the infinite opportunities that were shown to my blindfolded eyes and were not able to see. Thank you for all the hurt that pushed me to seek peace and self love. Thank you for all those moments where I felt miserable , hopeless and alone. Thank you for the invisible strength that lifted me up when I most needed it. Thank you self for trusting our process.

It feels like the more steps we climb up for our own freedom, the more they try to push us down to drain our sanity and peace. We just need to activate our shield. Our I don't give a fuck shield. Our let me live my life how ever the fuck I want shield. I breathe and move on. Being in the present moment here and now helps me cope with the anxiety that keeps wanting to take over my head. I breathe and thank the source for the infinite amount of opportunities given to me, to prove me that I’m worthy of all abundance and unlimited resources ,for the purpose of reconnecting myself with myself, with the best version of myself.

After all I’ve experienced and continue to experience to achieve the best version of myself, I have to say that I’m my biggest fan. I’m so fucking proud of myself in a nonegocentric matter. I’m proud of all my achievements, even when they seem like defeats at that given moment.

I’m proud of the strength that comes from I don’t know where honestly. I’m proud of all the tears that cleared the dust in my sight. With nothing more than self love, I have to say that if I ever had to write a letter to a woman in my life who impacted my horizon, that woman would be myself.

Thank you for not giving up and always keeping a sparkle of hope when there was nothing else to hope for.