My Youtuber Boyfriend!

Can you have a mid-life crisis in your 20s?

I think he has, it was when rejection entered his life right before Christmas. It was for a potential job opportunity. He didn't get it if you can't tell.

He quit his job before he found out if he got it... all so he could have some free time before he started. To get Christmas off! Live the easy life! Have fun! It was nice for him to be home with his family doing nothing but eating and drinking and being happy like he should be. Meanwhile, I missed out on the fun.

It was nice knowing that he was happy. But I missed spending time with him, seeing him at work, seeing him at the weekend. ( We worked together, we are that typical met at work couple ).

He had these brilliant ideas about being a paramedic or working with the RSPCA as a backup plan... if things didn't work out as planned. Fantastic ideas which he held so much enthusiasm for and real passion. But the idea of YouTube and being a Gamer came to mind and it seemed like everything else was irrelevant. Every dream vanished in a moment. Poof!!

I didn't knock it, just thought 'He said it's for fun, no biggy', 'He said he doesn't care about Subscribers or anything'. No, he's not like that. But I knew it was more than that. I knew when the time I saw him in became less and less and our conversations seemed to get slower and slower or our time together was limited. I knew by the way we facetimed he would get distracted and conversations would slow. I questioned if it was me and if I began to bore him. Was my conversation that bad?

Everything seemed to revolve around the gaming time, or recording a game and having enough time to edit a video. It was working at the beginning we had time no rushing, well other than the usual stuff. That's when it went from a video to two and three and that will probably develop, even more, I'm sure of it.

You may think I'm moaning, but I'm merely expressing my concerns. He loved tennis, cycling being in shape and active, but also playing for fun with his friends/siblings. It was a good balance but all has changed since that rejection and the lockdown hasn't helped either! He's crawled into a safe space where the only challenges are a computer glitch.

On a more positive note, he is good. I do watch the videos and give him little bits of feedback here and there. He does do the typical COD here, some spider man over there, and a few more. Have a look yourself if your into it.

Now he's not only doing the Youtubing, he's launched the Amazon Seller. Which I totally support as well but it's still stuck behind a screen getting square eyes and a bad back...

Oh, and if you figured it out, I'm sure it'll end in less time for me, too. He said it won't affect our time as he will make the time but it's not even been a week and I've seen the difference. Our facetimes have decreased to nothing or it's a quick chat before bed. I've only been delegated 3 hours out of the 7 days this week to see him in.

Which for me 3 hours is a lot in a matter of speaking but when you're used to more it's a hard adjustment.

Time will tell if things improve, but it's only been a few months since the youtubing began and now Amazon has joined in too. I can't see there being a lot of time for me as well or anything much for the matter.

I suppose I'm afraid I'll lose the person I fell in love with and have someone completely different. Someone who spends their days behind a screen, missing the world go by, being lonely with nothing but the voices at the end of those headphones.