My Husband Says It's My Fault He Treats Me Bad (My Husband Hits Me And Says It's My Fault)

My husband is a good, kind-hearted and caring man. He takes care of his responsibilities, plays with our daughter and he is a good father to her. He is a good husband to me too. However, of late he has had a nasty, mean streak which I think came about as a result of financial pressure. We both made the decision to quit our full-time employment to run businesses in pursuit of a better life for us and our daughter. Our marriage has been solid too up until recently.

He started acting irrationally, getting upset with me for staying home when I took ill so I chose not to rest anymore but go to work. His medical practice is apparently now my problem, he hired someone whom he told can start work at 10. Two mornings ago, when I was down with a terrible flu, I thought I might spend the day in bed medicated. I dropped our daughter off at daycare and came back home. He was in bed. I woke him up and asked if he was not going in to work. He asked me what time it was and I told him it was almost nine. All of a sudden, he gets out of bed, starts ranting at me that we cannot play around with the practice and just acted like a total jerk. Then he drives like an idiot and when I asked him why he was driving that way, he says "personal reasons". I mean really? Are you saying "what the... "? Good.

I ignored him for the rest of that day. The following day he tried to talk to me like nothing was wrong and I was not having it. Then he decided to do the same to me. He likes playing that game. Usually I'm the one who brings about peace. Not this time. I went into his office and told him off. Then I walked out.

Now that may not have been the best way to handle things but I just about had enough of his crap. Oh and by the way, when I told him he should consider his behavior, he tells me "that's nonsense that you just said". I know right, who does this guy think he is? Not the good, kind-hearted man I married that's for sure. So anyway, I decided I am tired of him but in order to get someone to change, you should be the change you want to see. So here are six ways in which I am approaching the situation.

1. Communicate

It is a challenge but it is one of the fundamentals of marriage. You will have to communicate how you feel and make it clear that the behavior is not acceptable to you. Once you have communicated this, take a stand. Don't just say you won't tolerate it and then do nothing. It is sure to re-occur and when it does, it is important for you to maintain your stand that you will not accept it. If you reacted by yelling, criticising, arguing or worse, withdrawing then you will need to react differently after you communicate your disdain.

2. Be The Change You Want To See

Most people learn by what they see. If my husband acts like an idiot and I fly off the handle he is not going to learn anything valuable and his rotten behavior will continue. The best way to get him to change, is to continue to be a good wife and when he acts like a jerk, I simply tell him "I will not do this with you" and walk away. Now I have disarmed the situation. Why? He wants a war but he'll have to fight it alone. That's not fun now is it?! He will then realise that he has to take a different approach. Bingo!

3. Control Your Sphere

Though there are two people that make up one marriage, the key here is there are two people. Each one of the two is an individual. Most of us women tend to give so much of ourselves out that we lose who we are as an individual. Yes a wife is supposed to take care of her husband and her family and her home. That does not mean she should stop taking care of her own interests. I believe a woman is the glue that holds a family together. That is a massive responsibility and it requires you to be mentally and physically fit. Find peace and contentment by doing things that fulfill you on the inside. We act and react based on what is going on inside of us. If we take care of the inside, the outside will follow suit. So go ahead, go out with the girls, get your nails done, do that business course, whatever makes you happy.

4. Be A Giver More Than A Taker

My husband is smart enough to know when he has done something wrong. Most men are actually. However, how you react as his wife is very important. I know that when you are mad at someone the last thing you want to do is be nice to them but that is exactly what they expect. Instead, do the opposite of what they expect. Compliments, service, good treatment in general will not be wasted but it must be genuine. You will need to work through the feelings of anger and resentment. You will need to find that inner strength and peace in order to accept that this man is only human. He has his virtues and his faults. His virtues far outweigh his faults and you will need to give him motivation to draw out those virtues. Be good to him, he will come around. Give and you will receive.

5. Don't Focus On The Problem

Ever heard of the saying "making a mountain out of an ant hill?" Well, a person who is emotionally abusing you is no joke but to remedy the situation you need to take your focus off the problem and put your focus onto solutions to the problem. This takes the burden off feeling down and gives you the strength to remain happy and helps you implement the solutions with zeal.

6. Be Prepared

Now I understand that people differ. My situation still is salvageable but there are situations where it might not be the case. I have prepared myself for the fact that my husband may change, may not change or get worse even. Either way, I am prepared to face the consequences. At least I know that I did my part. If it works, hooray! If it doesn't then perhaps it was not meant to be. Either way I will be content knowing I did all I could. You have to be prepared for positive or negative outcomes.

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