My Husband Says His Money Is His (My Husband Makes Me Ask For Money)

The following seven secrets have worked very well for over 22 years in my marriage and for many other couples too. Follow them, adapt them to work in your own marriage, and you'll be on your way to having what we all want -- a happy marriage!

1. Communicate

2. Meet each other's needs

3. Learn to resolve conflicts

4. Grow with each other

5. Agree on money matters

6. Love and respect

7. Maintain a commitment to the marriage

Agree on money matters

One of the leading causes of arguments and conflict in marriages is because of a difference in how money is perceived and handled. The real issue, however, never involves money per se. Fights over money are rarely about money in the first place. The fighting is just a manifestation of more general issues in the relationship and what each brings to the relationship with regards to attitudes about money.

We bring to our marriage our own individual money paradigm or money blueprint. The issues, both financial and psychological, that play into even the simplest disagreement over money are more than enough to cause tension. Ask yourself the following questions to determine the source of your money blueprint and the possible money conflict you are responsible for in your marriage:

Are you a saver or a spender, and which money style did you marry?

What does money mean to you -- freedom, security, adventure, and power, being taken care of?

How were you raised to handle money, to talk about money?

Do you trust your spouse to make good financial decisions, or do you feel the need to stay in control?

What does the word lifestyle mean to you and to your spouse?

From the list above, consider your attitude about money as well as that of your spouse. You may be proficient with understanding tax law and investment strategies whereas your partner is just plain-old frugal. Both are important skills and both are necessary in today's economy.

Therefore, rather than criticizing your spouse for his or her lack of 401(k) expertise you may feel is very important to the family's long-term financial success, celebrate the fact that your partner's frugalness may be the very thing that gets your family out of debt right now. Both are important so combine your financial strengths and attitudes to put up a better fight against the expenses you face now and in the future.

Another strategy to help you avoid "money fights" is to think like a financial unit. More importantly, try to stop thinking like Two and start thinking and acting like One.

For that, you need to agree on a set of shared goals and hopes and a few shared values. You may always have values that differ from your spouses, but you need to see eye to eye about certain aspects of your financial life so that your priorities are aligned and balanced.

Don't let fights over money fester. There is no question about the necessity for having money in order to live the life you want to live. But be careful about what you choose to fight about. Is a knock-down money fight about a $50 purchase really necessary? Bad feelings and perhaps mistrust will ensure. What is the cost of that?

Dealing With Financial Issues During Marriage

Money; it's the root of many, many marital problems. In fact, some researchers say that financial issues within the marriage are actually the 2nd most common cause of divorce. While many couples may not have money issues, it is one of the top causes of conflicts and disputes. This article discusses dealing with financial issues during marriage and how you can stop it from ruining yours.

Cooperation and Discussion

One of the most important things you can do to stop financial issues is communicate. First of all, do you and your spouse have separate funds or does all of your money go into the 'our money' bin? If you have separate funds and keep it separate, you need to agree on a percentage of the bills that you both pay and also agree on any other things your money goes to. For instance, you may want to keep a portion of your paycheck in a savings account, child's college account or something else. Then, you will know what money you have left for recreational or other purposes.

If all of the money goes together, you need to also agree on where the money goes and what is left over. Splitting the recreational money between the two of you is a great way to alleviate money conflicts. Another thing that really stops money issues is to discuss with your spouse any large purchases which could affect your relationship.

Careless Spending

Another problem many couples have is when one, the other or both engage in careless spending. For instance, purchasing things that are not necessary, gambling and similar things can really cause disputes within a marriage. If your spouse is engaging in careless spending and you've had enough - talk to them without attacking them. Figure up the amount of money they spend and show them the percentages. Let them know the good things that could have been purchased with that money and remain calm with them. This gets through to a spouse much more than screaming at the top of your lungs would!

One Sided Spending

Many couples have problems because one of them doesn't mind spending the money on himself or herself but the other hesitates. For instance, some mothers (not all) will purchase for every one else first and this can leave them with nothing for themselves. If you feel as if you're being stiffed, speak up. Choose a day when you're going to purchase something you want and let your spouse know. This way, he or she has no excuses and they know that you're going to purchase something you want.

By following the tips and advice in this article, you effectively and happily can get around the money issue in your marriage. Even if you're not experiencing money problems at this time, communication is key in preventing them from happening in the future. Be open and honest with your spouse and encourage them to tell you their thoughts. This will help keep your marriage happy and conflict-free.

It's all up to you! If you don't take this action to save your marriage, then who will?

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