My Heartbreak life

I feel like I have the life of a cat -what I mean by that is, I have faced death and had several life-threatening things happen to me. Maybe it was all just a curse that was placed on me when I was born? Of course, over the years I’ve been asked why not write my story? Well, I always felt that it wasn’t important to be told but I feel differently.

If I’m going to tell it, I must start from the very beginning, when I was very young, I remember seeing an old man hiding behind the refrigerator. It was scary I remember every detail still to this day, and I can remember my uncle at the time laughing at me. I was crying and thought he was the boogie man, but he was very real to me. That was the time I had seen a real ghost, and I found out later on that person had died in that house.

It wasn’t long after that, when we moved to another house, and wouldn’t you know it, there looking inside through the window, I saw four older men sitting at a table playing cards. They were so real but again after I said something, my family laughed and said I was seeing things. They couldn’t see anything in the house as it was empty and then strangely, my uncle caught a glimpse of them. That had sent chills through me and again I was very young, maybe 5 or 6 years old.

As the years went on, I never felt right with myself as if something was missing. I had so many accidents and injuries, I’m not sure how old I was, but I had got my big toe of my right foot caught in the spoke bar and it was completely cut off, hanging by a piece of skin. The crazy thing was, I never even felt it when it happened. My uncle had taken me on a ride on his bike, and he didn’t have me put my shoes on. I was very lucky as everything happened so fast, being rushed to the hospital and immediately into surgery to have it fixed. If that wasn’t enough, when I was 10 years old, I briefly lost my eyesight.

I remember playing around with my cousin, we were making faces when all of a sudden, my vision was acting up. First, I went from seeing double of everyone, to triple and then everything went dark. It was very scary, I was crying and screaming that I couldn’t see anyone. That was one of the scariest times of my childhood. I remember being in a room where the bed had monkey bars around it so I wouldn’t fall out of the bed. Again, I was very lucky, my left eye was repaired, and I got my vision back fully. Then if luck would have it, I was riding my bike, showing off, when someone had their ball in the road. Silly me, I told them I’d get it. I thought, I could bump it with my tire to them but no, I flipped up in the air, came down fast and smashed my face, knocking out my two front teeth. Which of course had to have emergency surgery due to the damage, and they were able to cap my teeth. It just seemed alike I was becoming a magnet for getting hurt.

Then it wasn’t long after everything had happened, something even far more worse hit me. I learned that everything I thought I knew was a lie. Everything had stayed with me, I kept asking myself, what’s wrong with me- why was all of this happening to me.

Here’s what I mean, when I was 10-almost 11years old, I learned that my brother was really my uncle, the one who I have mentioned in here. I discovered that my family I had known about my whole young life was not who they claimed to be. My mom- was really my grandmother and my one aunt was in fact my real mother and she decided to all of a sudden take me from my home. I remember her fighting with my mom back then and smacking her. I cried and didn’t want to go live with her, I didn’t know her like that and wasn’t close to her at all. There was one thing that was very confusing for me and that was, I had a younger brother who lived with her. He was four years old at the time when she took me to live with her.

I always thought I was kidnapped in my mind because I neve felt like I belonged and I never felt a connection with her. She was a very violate person, very controlling and I was forced to take care of her son and clean up after them. I was threatened many times that I would have to leave her home because she would show hate towards me. It seemed like everything had changed for me, I l.ost everything, the home and family I knew and even though I could still see them, it wasn’t the same. Living with my real mom was a nightmare. A very abusive and violent nightmare that I couldn’t wait to get away from. As I got older, I began writing and discovering acting in school and I fell in love with the arts. But before all of that, if I wasn’t getting bullied at school, which happened a lot to the point the kids would hurt me, tell lies on me and all I wanted was to go home. Though, when I got home, it was bad and unwelcoming there. As a child, I was exposed to some unhealthy situations which I won’t disclose here but as I got older I thought that it was normal to do.

When I was 16, I had gone on a float trip with my mom’s friends and even though it was a lot of fun, the canoe I was on had flipped over. We were at a current river in Missouri; the canoe had got lodged in between a tree and I was stuck under it. As I fought to find my way out form under it to reach the surface, I could everyone talking about me, if I was going to come up from the water. Which of course I did and was okay, I was a great swimmer, kept myself calm and got myself out quickly.

Things just seemed to keep happening to me and I couldn’t understand why. The older I got the more sight full I became and seeing things. I was told that with all of the abuse I had gone through, I had suppressed it. There were so many times when I would have things happen to me, get awards and get noticed for my achievements. I was trapped, I couldn’t do anything, I was told no for college and other things so as soon I could I took the chance and got out. Here is where I believe things began to go wrong for me, I ignored my gut feelings and consciences. As soon as I could I got married thinking that was my chance to succeed and be free, but I was wrong. The marriage was far worse than living at home, it became a violent nightmare, I thought I was going to be dead several times. The abuse was so bad, I lost myself and couldn’t break free for years.

When I finally did, I was wrongfully misdiagnosed and placed on almost ten different medications. It took years to realize what had happened to me, finally with the right doctor telling me that I never needed all of that medicine. This all started not long after my divorce in 2000 and eight years later, the summer of 2008, was the start of getting my life back. I lost 8 years of my life, my children’s life, and another marriage I didn’t remember having. So that led me to another divorce. I mean, who does that, who marries someone who was sick and in that condition. The doctors told me that I may never get those memories back, so I missed my kids growing up and being there for them. I was so hurt and couldn’t believe what had happened to me, it felt like I was waking up from a coma but still functioning.

My kids were almost teenagers, and I felt like I had to learn everything and to know my kids. I was also told that it could take 7 to 10 years for recovery and that was with the right help, which I couldn’t get at the time. I didn’t trust doctors after that and wanted nothing to do with pills of any kind. There were so much more heartache and pain that I had experienced and was fighting through. Around the time things started to feel somewhat normal, around 2016, I began feeling off again, I ignored it as I felt it was the symptoms still from what I had gone through. Then a year later, it was getting worse, I had no idea what it was, I pushed through it with my work and writing projects, I began working on TV and Movies. Just trying to get back to finding myself again and it seemed as if I had a magnet for the wrong men because that’s all I seem to attract for some reason. So, I eventually stopped dating all together.

Until I met someone again in 2017, and then things really went bad, there were things that started triggering me and causing outbursts. This had gone on for two years and I finally had enough; I needed to find out what was going on with me. Turns out I was in early stages of menopause and let me tell you. The next two years were very dangerous for me. It made me someone I wasn’t, I lost friends, my moods were bad, actually bad is being nice, the hatred I had felt towards family, my kids, and everyone around me was terrible.

It took a great deal of work to get it under control but with that, I began taking over the counter menopause relief medication that eventually would lead to something more serious. Not to mention that I got hurt seriously when I was 19 years old from my ex-husband. My lower back and my head. So, my back was injured again in 2018, and I had to have lower back surgery or I’d be paralyzed. With that, I had surgery in 2020 finally and now have permanent nerve damage throughout my whole body and osteoarthritis throughout my body.  It took almost four years to heal from that and I still have issues. Last year 2025, back in July, I went for my checkup and to get help for my symptoms. They found a tumor that was caused by hormones and the medication I had been taking. By the grace of God, it wasn’t serious, it was removed and I began treatment that only lasted a few months. It was very early stages of breast cancer which now I am free of.

I just feel like I keep getting tested and things thrown at me. I’ve lost so much and have been struggling and fighting for years now to get it all back. I know this is a lot but it’s all true, it all really happened to me and though I have left out so much more. I’ll leave that for a possible book.