me made happiness

Getting your heartbroken sucks, everyone knows this. Somehow it feels like it never gets easier. Over the years I have found many ways to deal with heartbreak. Some ways are healthier and easier on myself than others but it's all about the learning experience right?

My first heartbreak led me to the world of watercolours. I threw myself into painting even though I never found myself to a very talented artist/drawer. It was a great way to distract my brain from all the wandering thoughts that were constantly running through it. Somehow the first watercolour painting I ever made is to this day, still the best one I ever made. Every one after that seemed to get worse and worse (at least to me, anyways). This hobby, although very needed at the time, start to fade and I soon completely lost interest in it (maybe as my heart healed my need to paint grew less and less).

Fast forward - I can't say I've picked up my paintbrush much in recent years... and then came heartbreak number two. This one more painful and humiliating than the first, what hobby was going to come of this one?

I've always loved the idea of being able to sew. My mom taught my sister and how to do it when we were around 12 or 13. She took us to the fabric store and let us pick our own fabrics and patterns and buttons to make our own tote bags! We loved it and made so many bags... for a few weeks and then like most 12 or 13 year olds, we moved on to a new activity and left the sewing machine to sit and collect dust in a corner somewhere. I didn't think about it again for 10 years.

Enter heartbreak number 2, I was desperate for anything to distract my thoughts from spiralling out of control. At the time I lived in a small ski town, spent too much money food and alcohol, and didn't have easy access to many stores. I got my hands on some sewing needles and thread from my best friends mom and found scrap fabrics from the local thrift store. I was going to learn how to make my own scrunchies. This was a great way to distract my brain, because hand sewing anything takes FOREVER. I made so many scrunchies and used to basically throw them at friends for them to wear. It was really enjoyable and people loved them! It gave me a desire to learn how to make more things for myself and for other people.

About 6 months later, this heartbreak still lingering (it was a long one) I came across an old Singer sewing machine at my local thrift store for only $30.00! I scooped it up so fast, carried it all the way across town (it was heavy and it was a long walk), plugged it in to make sure everything worked and it did! Shortly after I went to a local bar to have a few drinks with friends and one of them said "was that you we just saw walking across town carrying a sewing machine? You could not have looked any happier". And this was true, I was so happy! After a couple phone calls to mom for a refresher sewing 101 course over face time I was on my way.

Skirts, shorts, jumpsuits, scrunchies, produce bags, tote bags, pillow cases you name it - I tried to make it all. While at times rocky, my relationship with sewing has always been constant from the beginning, which was a big deal for someone who gives up on new things really fast. At the time I was 23 and I used to always wonder if I was going to find a hobby that I actually like enough to stick with it. I'm 25 now and it has been one of the best things I have ever done for myself. From the pattern planning and tracing, to the cutting of the fabric, to putting it all together, it's really become quite therapeutic. And not only is it so rewarding to make clothes that you actually like and wear, it's an amazing feeling to make something that SOMEONE ELSE LOVES TO WEAR.

I tend to go through phases of what I enjoy making, right now its bucket hats. Bucket hats are very in right now apparently, everybody wants them. This was the first time I put myself out there. I made an instagram exclusively for the things I make, I posted on a community Facebook page about it, I made so many hats and hosted an Instagram story sale with about 15 hats. I was so nervous but they sold out in 2 or 3 days. Friends bought them, strangers bought them, even strangers from different places bought them! I got the send out packages like a real professional! It's been about two years now since I started sewing, and now I can walk around town and see people wearing things I have made! Be it a hat, or a scrunchie, or a tote bag it's really a great feeling knowing someone else likes something you made enough to take it out in public and wear it around.

I never thought I would have my own business, and while the word "business" still sounds a little too "business-y" for what it is, it's pretty cool to have found something that I love enough to continue to do and to put out into the world. It helped me find a confidence in myself that wasn't there before and I have my scissors, needles and my sewing machine to thank for it. Oh, and that stupid boy who broke my heart, I guess I have him to thank for it too.