Masks we wear

How do you deal with day to day emotions? It is hard to put on the daily mask of normal day to day dealing with those you love, and harder still to wear the mask of pain. We all wear these masks. One for every emotion.

You wander through life trying so hard to be what you think people want you to be and lose sight of who you truly are. Why do we do this? I think it is because we care so much how others view us. We pretend things are good so we can march through life with others unaware that we are hurting inside. We do not want to see the worry, the sadness, or even the pity in their eyes. We do not want to be the cause what they feel if it is bad, so we develop a mask to wear to wear around whoever we are near. We are supposed to be strong for them, okay, I get that, but what about when you need to lose control and let it loose? Where are we supposed to go?

I would like to just lose my mind sometimes with everything happening to me personally, my pain causes pain. Everyday I try to ignore it. My mental pain, causes physical pain and vice versa. Really caught in a cycle that doesn't budge. No answers in sight, just a ball being thrown from one medical professional to another. Others battle different kinds of trauma and still no relief in sight. So many different pains for so many people and all still wearing the masks to pretend they can function. I can relate to these people and I do my best to let them know they are not alone in this fight. Sometimes I have no words to help. I wish I did. Still, I have to wonder why? Why do we always wear our masks?

You can lie and say "I am fine, good, or okay" just to keep the worry or pity looks at bay. They may not even be there but you see them anyway. I try to hold things in from those I love, yes, I am just as guilty of this. Sometimes they slip out. I get the "you must be nuts" look. Maybe I am. I certainly feel like it. My brain get scrambled and the things that form there are not what comes out, I say them wrong and I hurt feelings that I didn't mean too. too late already out there, and I can't take it back. Now I have hurt those closest to me and so another mask is formed.

So many different masks we wear and sometimes we choose the wrong one. How can we keep them straight? Oh so many times, we try to throw them away just for a new one to be formed. Stronger, more durable, after all we don't want this one to slip and fall, so others see what is underneath.

I know others suffer this as well, and it is horrible to see the hurt that you have caused, it kills your insides a little more so you tend to not say much, so you stay isolated within your own world. Here I can edit so as not to hurt accidentally. If I have ever done this to you I am sorry. Now that being said, I do have that non filter. Sometimes that just lets things out every so often that I had been holding in. Not apologizing for that. I need that. I must purge my insides to remain just a little sane. In order for words to form and become part of someone else's world and reach the part to connect with others, I must let go sometimes, as should we all. Holding emotions in causes the greatest pain of all. Your eternal soul needs to let go so you can still keep your day to day mask.

We hold emotions in so long they cause another pain we can not contend with and it must be let out. It is an unwritten rule , so to speak. Not everything stays behind our masks. If held to long it becomes who we are and who we were is no longer found.

I envy those who do not have all the masks I do. The freedom to just be. To live and let live with honest, and true emotions, to feel and be felt, no hiding at all times. The life that could have been, had I not had to form these blasted masks.

To live with any mask is difficult, and draining. To keep in place because you see things differently and others see you. We do not want to cause any uncomfortable feelings for them so we wear the masks day to day.

We walk through life and try to pretend, some succeed, some do not. We need these covers to protect us, shield us from society, so we may walk among them, even just for a little while, day to day. We gather with others and become exhausted by the end. We go home and feel like crying or screaming to be "normal". Is that even a possibility for people like us, then we cry some more. Broken inside no matter what we try. We have all tried, and try again. Everyday we get out of bed it is a win, I know this. By the time I return to that very bed, I feel a little more broken than when I got out of it.

Try as we might, it seems there is no end. So I will keep doing as I have always done. Write words of emotions, and try to connect. Someday maybe I will truly help someone and can release some of my masks. You see this is the way my true me is released. I write to feel free, just a little bit.

Not 100% sure why this is coming out today other than I have held my mask in place for so long and I need to readjust it. It is like clothes, if you lose or gain weight you need to adjust it to fit correctly. Mine was getting to tight, need to lose a little bit to make it fit. Things no one wants to deal with but we have to anyway. A lot has come out and I feel just a small bit better. I hope you can understand and relate.

So my friends, consider this.... adjust your mask every once in a while , you NEED to. It is healthy to do so. We are NOT alone and together we stand.

Much love to you all, have a great day and never let anyone tear you down.