Married Life: Talk About Some Big Life Goals!

STRUGGLES IN LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP

Lately, I’ve felt like there’s been something missing in my relationship with Aidan. I just haven’t felt as close to him as I used to. Part of me attributed this to my medication change and feeling more depressed lately. But part of me wonders if there’s something more that’s missing…

I thought of a few things.

1. We have stopped consistently having a date night. This is something we know is important, but for some reason push it to the side…
2. Our phones get in the way. It is rare that both of us have our phones set aside and we have each others’ full attention.
3. We have stopped intentionally telling each other about our day. This was something we always did a couple of years ago, and now for some reason, it’s been forgotten…

These are small things. But really, they are big things.

I think I have forgotten that there is more to life than working, making money, eating right, exercising...

My writing is about joy, but honestly, I have gotten out of the habit of noticing it!

I also realized in my therapy session this week that we may have lost sight of our big goals.

Yes, I’m working on growing my blog. Aidan has been working on his hobbies more. We have been trying to keep up with nice holiday traditions.

But I mean our BIG LIFE GOALS.

WHAT ARE BIG LIFE GOALS?

We want to pay off our student loan debt.

We want to have a baby.

We want to buy a house.

THOSE kinds of goals.

And I used to feel like they were so far into the future. But I’m realizing, I don’t want them to be!

So the question is, are we living our life in a way that is BEST for working toward our goals?

So I made some questions for us to sit down and have a talk, and really THINK about what we want and what we can do to get there.

I want to think about timelines and specifics, and not just be vague (Oh, we’ll have a baby one day…)

Because honestly, I would like to have a baby before I’m 30. By my watch, we’ve got 3 ½ years to pop one out or adopt/foster (both of which we want to do at some point).

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TALK ABOUT YOUR BIG LIFE GOALS

SO, if you’re in a similar boat, this is for YOU.

Maybe you have lost track of your big life goals like us.

Maybe you haven’t even made those goals yet!

But, here’s my challenge to you: sit down with your partner and ask each other these questions. It’s important that both of you answer each, and talk it through if there is some dissension.

Remember to be specific. It’s okay if your goal at first is a little vague, like “I want to buy a car.” But work together to specify a bit more. For example, do you want to buy a car in the next year? Or in 5 years? Would you like it to be used or new? Should we start saving for that now? How can we make a little extra money to save up for that?

When having important talks like this, I like to have a visual of things and write them down. If you want, you can make a pretty worksheet with these erasable colored pencils to do together :)

Writing it down is also a good way to remember what you said you were going to do.

Another good thing to do before diving in is for each of you to take the 5 Love Languages Quiz. It is so helpful to know what each others’ love languages are so that you can love each other in the best way possible!

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Okay, here’s the jackpot:

THE MEETING QUESTIONS

Review of our life goals:

1. What are some of our BIG LIFE GOALS?
2. What are some things we hope for...

• In the next year?
• Next 5 years?
• Next 20 years?

Our Life:

1. In what ways is our life right now lining up with reaching our goals?
2. What isn’t lining up with reaching our goals?
3. What could we change to make better progress toward our goals?

Our Relationship:

1. Is there anything keeping us from living how we want to? What can we do to knock that out of the way?
2. Are you satisfied with the way we share responsibility?
3. Is there anything I do or fail to do that indicates a lack of commitment to our relationship?
4. What characteristic would you like to see grow in me?

Set aside a few hours of time on a weekend where you can really devote your time and attention to each other. It may take a while, but it’s worth it to figure out where you both stand and where to go from there.

Also, let each other know it’s okay to take a break during it if you need. Communication with each other is vital.

It also may be difficult to realize some things you need to change. Difficult to realize, and then difficult to make the change. Make sure you communicate your love and support to each other, during the meeting and continuing on.

Let me know how it goes! Were there some questions that you tweaked? I’d love your feedback :)

THE POINT

Review your BIG LIFE GOALS with your partner and take a look at what you’re doing right and what you could change in your life. Take time for each other to genuinely communicate!

A PIECE OF JOY

For us, it felt really good to talk it all out over some fresh baked cookies :) I definitely felt lighter and revived when we finished!

Love, Sam

Hi! I'm Sam :)

I’m a twenty-something woman currently living in Western Washington state, originally from Central Pennsylvania. I’m married to my silly, nerdy, and supportive husband, Aidan. I have a sweet 11-month-old black cat, Misdreavus or Missy. I’m a full-time music therapist at a psychiatric facility. I love nature, baking, music, and most of all Jesus!

Visit my website for more blog posts!

thejoyonthejourney.com