MAFS: “I’m just being honest” - The greatest fuckline since Dean Wells told everyone he was a feminist.

I love this show as much as the next person. It’s trash TV at its best and I have been borderline obsessed since being personally trolled by the likes of Nasser and DW - it made me laugh so hard I just had to watch it, because - HOW DO THEY FIND THESE PEOPLE?! AND HOW DO THESE PEOPLE ACTUALLY EXIST?

I’ve watched in amused horror like the rest of you sickos for the last couple of seasons, and HOLY GASLIGHT! The extreme narcissistic, lack-of-self-awareness-ness vibes that are being punched out by the contestants is concerning at best.

Not only are these REAL people experiencing this ninja-level of emotional abuse, but the experts seem to perpetuate the behaviour by making excuses for the guys. Words like “walls” are used as a precursor to explaining to the female contestants that they really need to cut the poor guys some slack - the women OBVIOUSLY need to loosen up and give relationships a try that are not meeting their basic human needs. I mean the GUYS are trying! Sam (AKA Eminem) is with a chick that doesn’t have BIG ENOUGH TITTIES. If he can compromise, so can you!

Confessions week: The honesty box

The honesty box is really just the experts putting a label on behaviour that that the male contestants (and Rebecca) have been using as a method to do whatever the fuck they want for seven seasons straight. At least the experts can take credit for the method now! The men stick their greedy little fingers into the honesty box, excited that they can call their wives an ugly bitch this time without consequence! Win!

It really is baffling to me that “I’m just being honest” has been thrown around so often this season as a get-out-of-jail-free-card. Let’s imagine this form in a courthouse. “Yeah I beat that guy up, but I’m just being honest, soooo…”

Uh, nah.

There seems to be two ways the victims in MAFS deal with this kind of abuse.

When Coco (legend status) experiences gaslighting from her husband Sam, she laughs inwardly at the absurdity, and I’m sure of it, realises in that very moment that her new hubby is actually a gross little gremlin. She eventually tells the guy that his behaviour is unacceptable, rude, and in so many words, pig-like. You go Glen Coco!

Sam: ConfuSED. ヽ(•́o•̀)ノ

Melissa, does not do this. She internalises every cruel word. She keeps telling herself that Bryce is HONEST, and that’s ALL she can ask for. All she can ask for is a horrible, cheating, narcissistic, HONEST man. Bryce has made Melissa feel like he’s better than her in every way, frog in boiling water style. Grab a dictionary - the man is a classic gaslighter. He denies facts, dismisses Melissa’s feelings, and is hypocritical in his words and standards. Melissa, “not knowing any better”, gives her husband respect and power in return.

Are you being gaslighted in your relationship?

It can be insanely difficult to remove yourself from an emotionally abusive relationship, especially when you feel you have no power or feel as if you are not good enough. The antidote? Emotional awareness and self-regulation. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS FEELING. Try to separate truth from the distortions in a real way. Write it down, speak to respected friends. Recognise if you are making excuses for your partner, or denying your own lived experience. Write that down too.

Give yourself permission to feel everything you feel, give yourself permission to abandon toxicity, give yourself permission to being disliked by the gaslighter. You can't control everyone's opinion, and that's okay.

Have some compassion for yourself.