Lying is a Skill Like Any Other

It was a phrase overheard during an episode of Star Trek Deep Space Nine, that has stayed with me for the last fifteen years. A line that conveys practical deceit and something which humans tend to shy away from.

Lying is an undesirable characteristic and one in which we discourage, yet it is something that we all do. Whether it is:

• Lying to colleagues. Asking how their days are when we simply do not care
• Saying that our partner’s new hairstyle looks lovely when you secretly do not like it. The same can be said for outfit choice or the always tricky shoe question
• Telling children about the Easter Bunny or Father Christmas
• The government lies to the people such as the Downing Street Christmas Party video that has recently emerged
• Sales staff mislead people into purchasing their product.

The list is infinite, but we do not wish to admit to it. Lies are everywhere, from little white lies to breaches of trust. We lie to protect and to hide from the truth and it is something that I struggle to do. Only if I have a pre-arranged story in my head then I can go through with it.

Little White Lies

Love is not about making people feel anxious it is about empowering them.

I was taught at a young age the value of white lies. Lies that preserve feelings such as ‘You look beautiful in that dress and your hair looks lovely’. These lies maintain relationships as if we criticised every little detail then we would make our partner feel anxious. Love is not about making people feel anxious it is about empowering them.

As I am writing this entry I am looking over at my wife who is peacefully sleeping on the floor whilst hugging her teddy bear. It is adorable and I would wish absolutely no harm to her. Even if that involves telling her that she looks beautiful in a Mr. Blobby outfit when I know that it is not the colour that she deserves. True love means that you will tell the odd white lie as it comes from the best place.

Extending this to the workplace, if you told your Manager that you hated them then you would be instantly sacked. Even if you truly hate the one that has control over your career, you cannot tell them the truth, as it would result in dismissal. So instead of this outcome, you offer little white lies. You nod in meetings and provide creative criticism when what you really wish to deliver is a crushing verdict on their incompetence.

Little white lies provide us with an acceptable route between dishonesty and cruelty. The truth will set us free but first, it will make us angry and if we all made ourselves angry, then nothing would ever get done. I imagine that most world leaders who come across Boris Johnson want to tell him that he is an idiot but as a world leader, cannot.

Breaches of Trust

Trust takes years to develop and seconds to break. It is something that can be instantly shattered by breaches of trust. Something that is synonymous with relationships. Decade long relationships can be ended in a single evening when a partner is unfaithful or spends the life savings.

White lies enable us to make conversation with those who offend us. They protect us from the truth that would annoy us to the point of living at home, burying our heads in the sand. Breaches of trust are mis-uses of white lies and go beyond what is acceptable. As much as lying is a part of society and keeps us on the straight and narrow, we need to be mindful of not going too far.

Breaches of trust are unacceptable lies and move us from the white lie space and into the realms of horrible humans. They occur regularly around the world as people misuse white lies and cannot break out of the mould in order, to tell the truth when they need to.

Telling the Truth

If we had a choice, then most likely we would not speak to half of those people that cross our paths but we must.

As much as I am advocating for lying, we still need to tell the truth. To create trust between people the truth is needed most of the time, apart from when we need to survive. This is something that is aimed primarily at the work arena. A space that we cannot choose. We are thrust in with others who we may or may not like yet need to work with.

If we had a choice, then most likely we would not speak to half of those people that cross our paths but we must. We also need to create rapport with them without telling the truth and that is something that takes time to practice. It is simply not acceptable to yell at a colleague at work, even if you are absolutely correct in what you say.

A Final Thought

Lying is a skill like any other and if you want to achieve a certain level of excellence then you need to practice. It is something that we cannot condone yet it is there, sitting under our nose, staring back at us. We need to lie to survive, as to do otherwise would leave us with pain and suffering.

Lying is undesirable when misused but when used in a day-to-day setting to preserve feelings and maintain relationships, it should be seen as a positive. For me personally, I love my friends and my family, yet am left with a feeling that they annoy me at times. Most likely the feeling is mutual. I annoy them and they annoy me, but we acknowledge this and move past it.

To lie is to be human in order to preserve feelings and maintain what we have, as if we tell the truth, then people will not wish to speak with us. Our inner monologues must stay as they are written, inside our heads, as if we opened them to the world then we would be left isolated. It is something that could be refreshing but realistically, we cannot deal with the world’s pain at one point and need to control our circumstances.