Love Long Lost

Love Long Lost

He’s gone too far this time… My best friend? Really? And her, I can’t even say her name out loud. I knew she was around, but I never thought she would try that with me. Thinking about them touching disgusts me but seeing them in action had my heart shatter to the floor with all my love and care inside of it. The future I saw with them both died with that one memory. That one memory tainted it all and I’m left with nothing, but sadness. They were my lifelines; they were my rocks; to see that go. To see that eliminated from my life makes me feel a little useless. They picked up the pieces when my mom passed. They defended my name when I wasn’t around… At least that’s what I thought. Maybe all of this was a fantasy in my mind. Maybe all the love I felt was never in their hearts to begin with. 

The Memory

It was one of those days where you knew an atomic bomb was going to drop on your house any second now and all you could do was wait until it happened. I woke up at 5am from a weird nightmare. My mom came back as a zombie, and she attacked me with an attempt to eat me. I still don’t understand what the dream meant. My day started off groggy and rough. I rolled out of bed to notice that Liam wasn’t there with me. “That’s odd” I thought, “He doesn’t work today so why did he get up so early?” 

I go in the kitchen and begin to cook breakfast for the both of us just in case he comes back soon. As I’m cooking, I notice a sticky note saying “I’ll be back. I went to the gym.” Liam wrote it before he left. I didn’t think anything of it. I looked at my phone to see if he texted me since he wrote the letter, but he didn’t. I did wonder what time he originally left. (As you know I woke up at 5am) He had to have been gone since before that. This is when I started to investigate. 

I texted him letting him know I’m awake and that I’m making breakfast for us. After I do that, I notice a small message above saying, “Mylove turned off their location.” How didn’t I notice that before? I have no clue. Now my heart is racing and I’m wondering if he’s cheating with the same woman he cheated with two months ago. Yes, he cheated before... And yes, I stayed.

I called Drew (my best friend at the time). She didn’t answer. I needed someone to confide in because if he’s cheating again, I didn’t know what I’d do. 

I called Liam this time. He answered after the first two rings. “Hey boo, how did you sleep?” He sounds out of breath, but that’s no surprise considering he’s at the gym, right? Wrong. “I would’ve slept better if you were beside me.” I grunted. He chuckled a little bit and to this day I don’t know if it was a nervous chuckle or a genuine one. Either way he’s a piece of poop for lying to me. “Why are you chuckling?” I ask, “You’re just adorable when you’re being clingy.” 

“Hmmm” I reply with distaste in my mouth. “Listen, I’m going to call you when I’m on the way home. Okay?” He says loosely. I hung up without saying okay or bye. I stopped cooking breakfast. I go upstairs to grab my keychain with my house key and my best friend's house key. I walk to Drew’s house because it’s only a couple blocks away from mine. 

I finally make it to Drew’s front door; I unlock the door and all I saw were clothes thrown all over the couch and floor. I saw men's underwear and men's shoes. Both looked like a pair of Liam underwear and shoes. So, I continue to look around. “She can’t be sleeping with him.” I thought. “She’s my BEST FRIEND. She would never hurt me in that way.” I go into the back, passing the living room. I hear strong moans coming from the room on the left. Her bedroom. I opened the door; like it was instinct. My eyes couldn’t believe what they saw. Her and him… Together. 

Is this the end?

Ahh man, she feels amazing… I gotta hurry up though because Ora is expecting me back soon. “Boo, have you finished yet?” I ask Drew. She drools and says, “plenty of times”. Bet it’s time for me to finish. Moans reached the air. Almost as loud as a vacuum cleaner. So loud that I almost didn’t hear the doorknob turn. As soon as I heard the doorknob be touched, I threw Drew off of me. I jumped out of bed, and I was heading towards the closet when I heard "What the hell.” from a voice I genuinely didn’t want to hear from. I cover my private parts, like she’s never seen me personally before. “Why are you covering up? I’ve seen all of you! I’M YOUR GIRLFRIEND!” She shouted so loud, I could hear the ringing in my ears. 

Last Call

For a few seconds, nobody moved. Not Drew. Not Liam. Not even me. I stood there staring at the two people who had once convinced me that I was never alone. The same two people who held me together when my mother died. The same two people I called when the world felt too heavy to carry by myself. And somehow, they had become the very reason I couldn’t breathe.

Liam opened his mouth.

“Ora, listen—”

“No.”

The word came out quieter than I expected. He stopped. I looked at Drew. Her eyes were already filled with tears.

“Ora, please,” she whispered. “It’s not what—”

“Don’t.”

I didn’t want an explanation. An explanation couldn’t unbreak what I had just seen. I backed away from the doorway; my hand pressed against my chest. My heart was beating so hard it felt like it was trying to escape me.

Then my phone rang. I looked down.

Mom.

My stomach dropped. That was impossible. My mother had been dead for three years. The ringing stopped. Nobody said anything. Then it rang again.

Mom.

I stared at the screen until the call disappeared. Maybe it was some old number recycled by the phone company. Maybe it was a glitch. Maybe grief was playing another cruel trick on me. Or maybe it was exactly what I needed.

My phone rang a third time. I answered.

“Hello?”

There was silence. Then I heard breathing. Not my mother’s. 

Mine.

I realized I had been holding my breath. The call ended. I lowered the phone slowly.

Liam stepped toward me.

“Ora, I’m sorry.”

I looked at him.

For the first time since I had met him, I didn’t see the man I loved. I saw a stranger wearing his face.

“You know what hurts the most?” I asked.

He didn’t answer.

“I could have survived you cheating on me.”

His eyes dropped.

“I could have survived losing you.”

I looked at Drew.

“I could have survived losing you too.”

My voice cracked.

“But I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for believing that the two of you were my lifelines.”

Drew began crying.

I didn’t. I had already cried enough. I turned around and walked out. Outside, the morning had begun to brighten. The sun was slowly climbing over the houses, washing everything in gold. It reminded me of my dream. My mother coming back as a monster. Maybe the dream wasn’t about her at all. Maybe it was about me. Maybe some part of me had been afraid that grief would turn me into someone who couldn’t live without the people who helped me survive it. And maybe losing them was the final test.

My phone rang again. I stopped walking. I knew who it was before I looked.

Liam. 

I stared at his name.

One call.

One final opportunity to turn around.

One final opportunity to hear another lie.

The screen continued to glow in my hand.

I could answer. I could scream. I could demand answers. I could let him convince me that what I saw wasn’t what I saw. Or I could finally understand what the last call really meant. It wasn’t the last call from him. It was the last call I would ever make to the version of myself who believed love meant holding on no matter how badly I was being broken. I declined the call. Then I blocked his number. I did the same to Drew. For the first time in years, there was nobody on the other end of my phone. And somehow… I wasn’t afraid. I kept walking. Behind me, the phone buzzed one last time. I didn’t turn around. Some calls aren’t meant to be answered. Some doors aren’t meant to be reopened. And sometimes, the greatest act of love isn’t fighting to keep someone. It’s finally knowing when to let them become a memory.

That was my last call.

And for the first time since my mother died, I chose to stay alive for myself.