Love in my 20’s

Meeting him

This sounds cliche, I know but I fell for him instantly. I loved him the minute I saw him. I’ve never experienced this kind of love before him. Our eyes locked and as a played “ hard to get” little did he know I was already his. I experienced the whole “He had me at hello” thing with him.

The HoneyMoon

He came out of no where unexpectedly. In that same way unexpectedly I found myself in love with this handsome Caramel skin men who opened the car doors for me and walked me back home even though he lived in the opposite side of the city. He was passionate and ambitious which I found in alignment with who I am. We became inseparable. We worked at the same place, were together most weekends and when we weren’t we were connected via our phones. He presented honest, loyal and worshiped me like I was probably the most beautiful Latina he had ever laid eyes on. With him I really felt like I was. We made so many memories. New York never felt the same without him.

Six months

We came into each other’s lives in 2015. we clicked instantly. From sharing our food in lunch breaks and kissing in the office to sleep overs in his-tiny apartment in Brooklyn. Our connection and love grew so strong that it truly felt like we dated for an eternity although it was only a short six month period. He left, and with him he took the love we created. He dated, and called someone else his love but he never fully wholehearted let me go. He would creep from time to time and make me feel like as though I was a special and meaningful part of his life. I would never know if I actually was an important aspect of his life but I guess the fact that I am writing this means I couldn’t have been. We Spent Five years of flights from the better coast to the east coast, reconciling let down after letdown.

The Last time I saw him

The last time we saw each other he had no idea that this one was our last. While he scrolled up and down on his phone I was saying my goodbyes. Every song I played was an indirect message of how I was feeling to have to say goodbye when all I wanted to say was hello. It was devastating for lack of words. Every hug I gave him every kiss I planted symbolized the closure I was so desperately trying to get.

The re-birth of self love

I swam what felt like the ocean to meet him while he walked to the shore. This love is one for the books,I learned so much in fact I might have learned the most valuable lesson of my life. I learned self love. See, I was the type of person to pour so much into my lovers. I pushed them to get back into school. I even encouraged them to face their childhood trauma. He even called me out on my shit once. In Santa Monica while he was sick and I was suffering seeing him suffer he yelled “ you like to play the mom”I don’t think I’ll ever forget this moment. It’s hard to describe what I felt but let’s just say I felt my body heating up and my tears followed up. I wanted to love everyone specially him but he modeled for me what self love and even selfishness looks like. My love for him never changed it prevailed what changed was my love for me it surpassed.

Setting myself free

I made peace with the fact that I will always feel for him my entire life but that didn’t mean we belonged together.Five years of flights, reconciliations and let downs after letdowns I chose me. My love for him changed much but my love for me surpassed