Light of my life

December 29, 2020

Somewhere in time our lives shifted. Things changed from fantasy and games to serious issues and problems without solutions. As I fell deeper into the bottomless abyss of darkness, I felt my soul lose itself. I can’t see you by my side any longer, where are you? The darkness consumes me, and I can no longer hear you. Was there music playing a minute ago? Where are you? Am I saying it out loud or is it just a thought in my head? Please! Where are you? I fall and I can only see myself and darkness surrounds me. I feel like I have no space to breathe or move. I am in free fall without knowing where or when this might end. Anxiety creeps into my throat, then my lungs. I struggle for air, for breaths. “Where are you?” I think I hear myself whisper it. Who am I looking for? I have been falling so long I forgot. Darkness has filled my life as long as I can remember, and I know nothing more. Through gasps I break inside, this abyss will never end. I feel my life become darkness as my body turns black. Have I stopped falling or do I no-longer know the difference? I am forever lost; nobody will remember me. I try to hold on to my line of thought for as long as I can. I can feel the darkness fill me inside.

Suddenly, I feel something touch my hand; I am no longer scared. Our fingers intertwine. My body relaxes; I remember to breathe again. I can feel the warmth of a palm spread through my hand up my arm. My breathing steadies. I feel as if I am floating in water, no longer falling. I can see two eyes the color of caramel drizzle. Where are they catching the light from? I begin to feel the darkness seep out of my body. I realize there is a light spreading from my body. From where out hands touch. I can see clear blue water under us. How is it possible? I can see myself again, no longer consumed in darkness. My life makes way for this light. Who are you? I look around for the bewitching eyes. I see light spread from your arm and realize it is a man beside me. I feel like I have known him forever. I remember what your smile looks like and how it makes me feel warm inside. Light spreads over your face, so handsome and clean. It’s been you all along. My body overflows with love and joy and light spreads out across my world. The sky is an amazing display of teals and orange and greens. My favorite colors in the sky. Finally, I can see everything around me and you and I are alone on a shore. My feet touch the sand and I run and jump and soar high in the sky. Life is beautiful and you helped me see.

You smile and feel as if God has granted my ultimate wish. My heart is brimming of happiness as I walk into your arms and feel your embrace. A dance of butterflies fluttering around inside me. You have been there all along; why did I forget how it felt? My being feels as if it is becoming melted candle wax. Slowly the sun sets, and the sky turns deep purples and blues. Somehow everything is till bright as if we hold the light in ourselves. Your hands trace my thoughts, following my directions, tracing my shapes. Our lips touch and light explodes into the sky. Sparkles fall like twinkling stars all around us. I feel ignited by sensation and emotions. Emotions so deep I lose myself in them. I feel love. I feel elevated. You brought me light and you brought me flight. I have never felt so cherished. My skin crawls to feel closer. How can our hearts touch in two bodies? My love exudes out of my soul and molds into yours. I am consumed by our love and light and colors. I am in the clouds. Life is like a dream. We are one. I am home. I am found.