Life Support

Sylvia could not pinpoint the date and time her marriage went on life support. She supposed it was the day her husband, Henry, scratched his crotch and expelled gas from his behind in her presence without saying “excuse me,” or when he forgot her birthday and monopolized the television remote without regard to her feelings, or when they were no longer intimate with one another. Either way, their marriage was in critical condition. It was suffering from a lingering case of indifference and there was no defibrillator in sight.

It wasn’t as if attempts weren’t made over the years to resuscitate the marriage. Sylvia loved Henry and she wanted their marriage to work. However, after having her wants and needs continuously ignored by Henry, Sylvia had mentally checked out of the marriage. Her physical being remained, but her heart was no longer in it.

When Sylvia and Henry met fifty years earlier, it was love at first sight. Henry was enamored of Sylvia’s pretty face, brown eyes, and fine figure, and she was struck by his physicality – all six foot four inches of him. They met when Sylvia was home from college on winter break. She was staying with her parents in Franklin for the holidays and some girlfriends had convinced her to attend a dance that evening.

Henry had insisted that Sylvia dance with him, though she was not a good dancer. He guided her to the dance floor, took her in his arms, and expertly maneuvered her about the room. Sylvia’s pulse quickened while she was in his arms. She was attracted to Henry, and his holding her close only amplified the effect he was having on her. By the time the dance was over that evening, Sylvia was smitten with Henry, and vice versa.

They started dating in earnest shortly thereafter, and Sylvia would return to Franklin every weekend to spend time with him. One could not be seen without the other in town. They got to be such a familiar sight that people began referring to them as the “Bobbsey Twins.” Not that Sylvia or Henry understood the joke, as the Bobbsey Twins were siblings, not boyfriend and girlfriend.

They dated one another exclusively until Sylvia graduated from college. On graduation day, Henry presented Sylvia with a diamond ring and proposed to her. She accepted, and they were married six months later in a church ceremony.

Their love was strong for one another, and over the next six years Sylvia gave birth to two children-a boy named Lucas and a girl named Linda. Henry provided for the family with work that he did on his father’s farm. His father paid him a living wage in exchange for help with the crops. Sylvia was homemaker for the family for the next forty-four years until the day she was no longer content.

After having dinner at Quimby’s Steakhouse with Lucas and Linda one evening, she said, “Your father and I are getting a divorce.”

Stunned by the revelation, Linda said, “What? You’ve got to be kidding!”

“No,” she replied.

“You’ve been married for fifty years. Can’t you work it out?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Did Dad cheat on you?”

“No.”

“Did you cheat on him?”

“No!”

“Well, what is the problem?”

“It’s complicated,” was all she would say.

“Have you tried counseling?”

“I can’t get your father to go to a counselor. He says counselors are quacks.”

“Make him go with you!” Lucas yelled.

“Lower your voice please,” Sylvia said. “We’re in public.”

“You can’t drop a bomb like this on us and not expect yelling,” Lucas replied.

“Try not to yell, for the sake of my and the other patrons’ hearing.”

Lucas throws his hands in the air before saying, “If you and Dad want to act like crazy people and divorce one another, then I won’t stop you. I’m leaving.”

He storms out of the restaurant, leaving Linda alone with Sylvia.

“He’s a lot like your father. Hot-headed.”

“I know,” Linda said. “But, we’re alone now, Mom. Tell me the real reason you want to divorce Dad.”

Sylvia struggled to find the right words to sum up the reasons for wanting to divorce Henry before finally saying, “Life support - or lack thereof.”

“I’m sorry. You’re going to have to explain that to me.”

“When your father and I first married, life was good. We struggled financially at times, but we were young and in love and we wanted our marriage to work. But somewhere along the way, your Dad checked out of the marriage. He quit paying attention to me and stopped trying to make it work, so our love was left to wither and die. And, now it is on life support.”

“That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

“It’s true, honey.”

“Give me an example of things Dad did over the years that made you think he checked out of the marriage.”

“Before your Dad and I married, he was loving and attentive. He brought me flowers or wrote me notes. After we got married, he stopped doing those things.”

“That happens in a lot of marriages,” Linda said.

“True. But when I asked your father why he quit doing those things, he said, ‘I hooked the fish. I don’t need extra bait.’”

“Ouch.”

“Another time, I asked him why he did not send me flowers on Valentine’s Day and he said, ‘I am not spending money on flowers because flowers die.’ I said, ‘I am going to die someday, too. Are you saying I am not worth spending money on?’ ‘Yes,’ he replied.

When I began menopause and gained some weight as a result he said, ‘I feel like I have been defrauded.’ ‘In what way?’ I asked. ‘You’ve gained weight. You’re not the girl I married.’ I said, ‘You’re not the man I married, either. You’re going bald. But, you don’t see me commenting on it, do you?’”

“Men can be jerks sometimes,” Linda said.

“And, he never wants to do things I want to do. He only wants to do things he wants to do, like hunting or fishing. He also won’t introduce me to his friends when we’re out in public. He’ll talk to them but not introduce me. ”

“That’s inconsiderate.”

“That’s your father. Whenever I need help cleaning the house, he disappears. I once asked him whether he was avoiding helping me with housework, and he said, ‘Damn right. The minute you need help, I leave.’ I said, ‘With two kids under the age of four, I need help sometimes. If you aren’t going to help me, then I want a maid.’ He said, ‘We’ve got a maid - you.’”

“It sounds like he has taken you for granted.”

“It’s more than that, Linda. Your father lacks empathy. If he is sick, he wants me to wait on him hand and foot. But if I am sick, he tells me to suck it up and deal with it.”

“Men usually are babies when they’re sick.”

“Our sex life is nonexistent too – there’s zero affection. He’ll watch television with me and remark about women on the screen like I am not present. Or he’ll insinuate that I am lucky to have him - as if he thinks I could not survive on my own, or that no other man would ever want me.”

“That’s not true, Mom. You’re beautiful.”

“To top it all off, he is manipulative and selfish. We bought the house we are living in after he lied to me about another house I wanted. He said the other house needed expensive repairs that it didn’t need. I found out about the lie years later, when one of his friends accidentally told me.”

“I never realized you were unhappy.”

“Because I wear a smile in public, dear. I’ve had fifty years of practice wearing it, you know.”

“Aren’t you scared to start over at your age? I mean… the pool of available men has shrunk considerably since you last dated.”

“I’m not interested in dating anyone.”

“Aren’t you scared of being alone?”

“I’ve been alone in this marriage the last forty years. I just finally admitted it to myself.”

“What are you going to do for money? How are you going to live?”

“I have money set aside that my parents left me when they passed away. I plan to live off that until the divorce is finalized or I can find a part-time job.”

“What does Dad say about all of this?”

“Nothing. He stopped caring long ago.”

“I refuse to believe that.”

“Ask him yourself.”

“I will. But I want you to promise me something. You will not file for divorce or leave Dad until I have had an opportunity to talk to him. I want to see if he will come to his senses.”

Sylvia sighed heavily before saying, “Sure, honey.”

***

Two days later, Linda cornered Henry in the back yard shed before saying, “Dad, I need to talk to you.”

“What about?”

“Mom.”

“What’s she whining about now?”

“Daddy!”

“It’s true. She whines about everything.”

“I see what she means about your lacking empathy.”

“Yeah, yeah. Get on with it. Will you?”

“Fine. Mom says she asked you for a divorce. Is that true?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not letting her leave after fifty years of marriage, are you?”

“I can’t stop her if she wants to go.”

“Sure you can! Admit that you’re wrong, and start being loving and affectionate to her.”

“I’m loving and affectionate to her.”

“That’s not what she says.”

“That’s because my love and affection is shown in different ways…like when I mow the lawn or take the trash out, or fix a window on the house.”

“Oh, my God! You’re supposed to do those things. You live here, don’t you?”

“Well, that’s how I show affection. If your mother wants flowers and grand gestures, she’ll have to go elsewhere.”

“You did those things when you two were dating!”

“Well, now we are married. I shouldn’t have to keep baiting the hook, should I?”

“As if you are some catch!”

“Watch your tone with me, young lady. I’m still your father.”

“The best thing in your life is about to walk out the door and you are going to let her. If that doesn’t describe a foolish old man, I don’t know what does. ”

“You have your opinion. I have mine.”

“It’s no wonder the marriage is dying. Your words are like poison. Mom is better off without you.”

“Maybe I am better off without her.”

“No, Dad. She is better off without you. There isn’t a marriage counselor in the land who can counteract your antiquated thinking. Good luck in your new life,” Linda said before walking away.

***

A week later, Lucas and Linda helped Sylvia pack up her belongings. She was moving to a small apartment she rented that was five blocks away from Linda’s home.

“I don’t know what I would do without you both. Thanks for helping me move.”

“You’re welcome Mom,” Lucas said. “So, are you ready to start your new life?”

“I think so. It will be a big adjustment, though.”

“For you and for us,” Linda said.

“Well…words can’t express how much I appreciate your love and support.”

Linda hugged Sylvia and said, “That’s what life support should be like, Mom.”

“I couldn’t agree more, Linda. I couldn’t agree more.”