Let's Discuss Psychological Traumas in Children

We often notice that from birth a child's normal behavior bothers those around him. In other words, when the little one does what he wants and what he feels, the people around him, most often the parents, are dissatisfied with what he is doing.

Thus, the little one makes his conclusions - that being yourself is a bad thing, since it bothers those around him. Such a discovery is not exactly a pleasant one, say, psychologists.

This is how people's complexes are formed. On the other hand, if the child is allowed to behave as he wishes, he will always behave normally, without making crisis scenes.

According to psychologists, most children go through the following four stages, when they are not allowed to behave as they would:

• The knowledge of the happiness of behaving as he feels, of being himself

• Suffering because he can't be himself

• The crisis period, which is manifested by protests

To avoid suffering, the child resigns himself to the situation and begins to behave like a new man, who does exactly what the adults want from him.

Experts say that some people get stuck in the third stage and always, almost all their lives, are dissatisfied, angry, and have behavioral crises. In the most frequent cases, however, during the third and fourth stage, people create masks, a few masks to protect them from the pain suffered in the second stage.

There are five such masks, which correspond to the main psychological traumas suffered by the human being.

• Trauma - masks

• Bounce - run away

• Abandoned - addicted

• Humiliated - masochist (who loves to keep everything under control)

• The one who was betrayed - the one who loves to control everything

• The one who has been wronged - the one who imposes the strictest limits.

The runaway complex occurs if the child rejects a parent, the girl rejects the mother, and the boy rejects the father. Later, such a person is alternately inclined to behave like a person who has been rejected or abandoned and later intentionally create such situations. The fugitive seeks solitude, intimacy.

He fears the attention of others because he does not know how to behave in such situations. It seems to him that his existence is given too much importance. The fugitive doesn't believe in him and thinks he's no good. And for this reason, he uses every means to grow in the eyes of others, but also in his own eyes.

The complex of the abandoned one appears when the child is not accepted by a parent - in the case of the girl it is the father, and in the case of the boy, it is the mother. These people are always emotionally hungry. The addict may seem lazy because he or she does not like being active or working alone.

He always needs the presence of someone to give him at least moral support. If he does something for others, the condition is expected to be reciprocal. The addict may often make the sacrifice to draw attention to himself.

He always thinks he gets too little attention. When he tries his best to attract attention he is looking for the opportunity to feel important enough to get support. He feels that if he failed to get the attention of a certain person, it means that he will not be able to count on him.

The humiliated person's complex is formed when the child feels that one of the parents is ashamed of him or is afraid that the child will embarrass him. Humiliation only intensifies when parents, for example, try to explain to their guests why the child is behaving this way.

The humble person wants to prove that he can be a trustworthy and supportive person, so he often assumes to do much more than he should. Helping others, he tries to convince himself that he has nothing to be ashamed of.

Another part of the coin in this situation is that the humiliated person begins to feel even more humiliated when he realizes that he has been used by someone. He will always say that his work is not valued at its fair value.

The betrayed complex - can occur when the child feels betrayed by a parent - the father's daughter, and the mother's boy. This happens when the parent does not keep his promise or take advantage of the child's naivete.

From here, things get trickier, and this is where the true meaning of life lies. At the same time, ask others to do the same. Because such people would face very difficult betrayal, they try to be at the highest level to avoid betrayal. They do everything in their power to be responsible, strong, special, important people.

The complexity of the unjust occurs when the child feels unjust because he cannot develop as he wants, that he cannot be himself. He goes through this trauma, blaming one of the parents for this - the girl blames her mother and the boy blames my father.

He feels cold from this parent, more precisely because of his inability to express himself the way he wants. This is what the child feels, not necessarily the parent is seen by others in this way. The child, in such cases, always suffers when the parent remarks on something.

Behavioral rigidity begins to take hold when it tries to be correct in everything it does. In this way, he believes that if everything he does and says is perfect, then it is right, so it must be. He believes that if he tries to act without bad intentions, it necessarily means that he has acted correctly.

Ways to heal childhood trauma

The trauma of the rejected person begins to be treated when this person begins to assert himself. And even if someone pretends not to notice and doesn't know him, this doesn't bother him anymore.

The trauma of the abandoned person is close to healing when the person begins to feel good alone and when he feels that he does not need so much attention.

Life no longer seems so dramatic. More and more often, the desire to develop different projects begins to appear. And even if no one offers to help him, he is eager to do it alone.

The trauma of the humiliation begins to be treated when the person is no longer a volcano of emotions when someone says or does what he does not like. He begins to be less affected by the result and wakes up with the desire for everything to go according to plan. He no longer wants to be the center of "gravity." He enjoys any result, even if in some cases his work was not appreciated as he wanted.

The trauma of the unjust begins to be treated when the person does not put so much effort to be perfect. He admits mistakes and does not resent this fact, always criticizing himself, as he did before.

Psychologists say that the treatment of childhood psychological trauma is very important. This is so that the energy that people put in to create certain masks to protect them from pain, is released and is directed to perform other actions, much more important. Namely, the living of that life that the person dreams of, remaining himself.