Let Go to Grow

I was having girls day yesterday. It was my bff's 49th birthday and she wanted to go to this cute little town, you know, that has all the winery's and specialty boutiques. Lunch, wine, shop, talk, laugh, repeat. It was a beautiful day and we even brought our bikes to go on a nearby trail. There were 4 of us hanging out and enjoying our girly time away from kids and men!

For the sake of privacy, I'll have to change the names of the ladies. All of us have had our fair share of heartbreak, but most recently Anna and Soraya both, have just this year gone through pretty bad breakups. Anna divorced from her 3rd marriage of 5 years and Soraya had this on again off again thing for over 2 years. Thank God she didn't marry the guy! Anna is doing fairly well with picking up the pieces but she has had about 8 months of recovery from a marriage that was pretty much over 3 years ago. She says she mourned her marriage during the last year so it's been a little easier to pull herself together since the divorce in January. Anywho, Soraya on the other hand, her breakup is more recent and so she is a bit more on edge regarding getting back on the horse.

As with all girly gatherings there is some male bashing, but mostly complaining, complimenting, sharing war stories and lifting each other up. Anna and Soraya are both testing the waters in the dating pool and they are both feeling the turmoil that comes with picking and choosing the right one. Is it the right one for now or for the long haul? Do I just want to have fun, or is he going to be the one? Anna was very clear, she's is surely not ready to commit and just wants to get to know people. Soraya is not quite there yet, she is very hesistant to go on any dates for fear of her past getting in the way. She was asking, what do I even talk about on a date? All I can think about is (him), we can't even say his name. We reminded her that she was an individual before him and she still is now!

She needed to hear that. So often do we lose ourselves to our partners that we forget who we are, what we love to do, what our goals and interests are. As women we naturally tend to nurture and put others needs first, and that is so wrong. Without nurturing ourselves first we won't have anything to give and we get lost! We lose our sense of self and who we want to become. Especially when you are with the wrong man or person.

Soraya was so concerned about what she would talk about on her first date that she was actually considering not going. I said to her, if you're not ready, don't rush into it. You are not obligated to anyone just because they like you. Look at it this way, pretend your ex never existed, what would you talk about then? You need to let go to grow. LET GO TO GROW! The past doesnt serve us except for lessons learned. Take those lessons and toss everything else. Toxic people hold you back, you got rid of him, now let go of the idea of him.

Anna agreed but also brought up the trust factor. Nobody, and I mean no.body trusts anyone (I meant to say it that way), especially after so many failed relationships. That's ok. That's normal and expected. It takes time to be able to trust again, and it doesn't come easy. I feel that we (women) don't tend to give ourselves the time to let go and grow. I don't know if it's the need to be giving and caring with someone or fear of being a alone...maybe both? So, what did Soraya decide? She's giving it some more thought, but I estimate she'll put off dating for a while longer.

Our gatherings are a very much needed medicine. I am so grateful for my sister tribe, without them we wouldn't be able to come up with these little nuggets of wisdom!! Let go to grow ladies.