Let go of fears

I lived a life of lack. Everyday something else broke down, another bill collector materialized out of nowhere with their threatening letters and stress and worry. People left my life and never looked back. I felt alone, sad, unloved, abandoned.

Then something clicked within me. Something made me see that I could be all I wanted to be. I could write a brand new story and I could paint a brand new picture of my life. Complete with people that loved, with peace, love, and abundance in all things.

I worked a couple jobs. I went every morning before the sun was up, to a job that at first I loved, then wasn't sure about. I loved the people, I tried hard to do as told, to be what they wanted me to be, but found it harder than I had thought it would be. So much tension, so much greed. Book the job, book the job, book the job, became the mantra of my nightmares. Fingers pointed, names whispered behind our backs, the politics of just another business. My other job was a little better, people wanting you to succeed but only pushing you when you didn't need it.

Training was full of calling and bothering friends and family which I always find to be counter productive. (In my life anyway.) Strangers always helped me far more than the people who said they loved me. I did however find inspiration in the motivation from training calls and training classes.

We are in the year of the great awakening. You can laugh and scoff and that is fine but it won't hurt me or change my mind so keep it to yourself. I have changed more this year for the better than in all the other years of my life. I learned to deal with my own behaviors and thoughts, and I am a different person than I was last year at this time. Do I still worry and make things worse? Yes, but when I catch myself worrying and focusing on what I don't want, I can stop it much quicker than I used to be able to.

I've learned this year that what we want we get. If we are stuck in a low frequency and focusing on negative happenings we will always get more negative happenings in our life. If we are keeping ourselves on a high frequency, filled with laughter, love and positivity then we will have in return the fulfillment of what we want.

Here is the story of what I want. What I have decided is a clear, (and getting clearer) picture of what I really want my life to be. You will say it isn't possible but I will meet you someday in that reality. For if you come across me here, we are in each others lives forever, passing through for some reason we may never know. This is the life I paint for me.

I'm working a grueling job of 7:30 - 6. Ten hour shifts with sometimes three days off and other times 1 day off. I get up and throw on clothes that I wear for comfort only. I don't care what this human looks like at this moment because It's cold, the season is changing and it's frozen way to soon. Comfort and warmth are my only goal.

I get to work and greet my new friends, who, lets be real may or may not even like me. I sit down at my make shift desk and start up the computer while donning my earpiece headphone. I am a Customer service rep at a plumbing company. I don't mind it but it doesn't pay enough and I need more than it can offer on all levels.

Again, the mantra is book the job which is sometimes easier said than done. We only have so many plumbing techs and we are only supposed to book so many jobs on each one each day. I receive way more calls than we can provide service for and if I don't book the job its held against my commission like a prisoner to the greed of the world.

Either way I do what I can for my 10 hours and then praise God that I get to breathe fresh air as I leave each day. I come home and settle into my home that I love, but that is strangely falling apart around me. One thing after another and I can't let myself worry. Electrical and roofing problems are my concern at the moment, or would be if again I was still in that state of worry and lack.

I search LinkedIn for recruits for the other job, inviting them to our company overview and getting the trainers and VPs numbers to call and talk to them about what we offer, what we do and how much good it does the world. I sit on calling sessions trying to learn the scripts and the ways of which they get people to be comfortable enough to come and listen.

Then I make dinner for my daughter and son and by the time I am done with that I am usually so tired I drift off, either leaving all the lights on or getting them turned off but sadly having no time for myself which has always been my greatest desire, even as a child, time for myself. To be with just me sitting quietly thinking, day dreaming, reading, writing, learning.

I must take control. I must set a clear picture of what I want, I close my eyes, take a deep breath and then another. I feel the electric energy settle over me. I begin the picture with intent.

A message comes through my phone of someone needing me to go and work for them. They don't want to do their clerical work any more and find it takes up their whole day. They are offering me a lot of money to come and do it for them. They say they were looking through LinkedIn and found me and just knew I was who they could trust to do the job. They are willing to pay me triple what I am getting at current job to go there. I accept.

I go to work there, meeting more people who are meant to be in my life. I am trained to do what they want and left to do it. One day the boss comes in and sits down telling me that we are going to be expanding and someone will be coming in to help with that expansion. He sits watching me and says, that this someone is going to fall in love with me. That it will be love at first sight and that I should at least keep an open mind.

I scoff but tell him okay. Continuing on with the things I am doing, entering invoices, working on payroll, doing price updates and getting myself lost in my work.

A knock on my office door and in walks someone that my intuition insists I stop and give my time to. He's good looking, looks to be around my same age and has a marvelous smile on his face. "Your boss said I should come here and give you the signed proposal so you can get me the initial check for the remodel" he says with the brightest smile.

I take the proposal and begin entering the data that will show on the check I am going to print. he sits down and as he watches me he begins to ask questions about me, my life, my job and the fact that he has a really good feeling about us working together. I was alerted to be nice so I play along. I smile back and answer his questions. I ask him questions in return and try not to let my negative mind speak up in my head as it always does.

He asks me to lunch and from that moment forward we are inseparable. We laugh at each others jokes, even when they are not funny.

l each other everything honestly and with care. We look after one another and are thoughtful and caring in the way we treat each other. I can watch him for hours as he works, and find him watching me as well. He is a contractor but also owns his own real estate company where he buys houses fixes them and flips them. He also owns his own mortgage company.

He helps me refinance my home into my name and helps me start to remodel it into what my vision is. Then one day he shows up and says come see. So we drive to a house, closer to my where I want to live, and sitting there on a great deal of property, is my dream home. A large victorian with a wrap around porch, trees everywhere, a long driveway and lots of privacy. It is completely modernized with an elevator so the stairs don't kill me off in old age, a pool, a hot tub, plenty of room for my daughter to have her own space. Widows peaks, decks, and a guest house for my mom to live and still have her own space while we have ours.

It is everything I've ever wanted. He tells me it's for me if I want it. I tell him yes please. He gets my daughter and I moved in, after taking us shopping for new furniture. We get my moms house ready and move her in as well. The holidays are upon us and he flies my boys and their families down to visit for Thanksgiving where I have the most amazing time I've had in years.

He doesn't have family anymore and tells me that it means the world to him that I've let him into mine. He treats me with respect and love as I treat him as well. We have a wonderful holiday and make many memories. The season changes again and although there are a lot of presents the thing that is the best about the Christmas holiday is that we decide to marry.

He wants to be part of a family and I want a partner that I can talk to, learn with, grow spiritually with. He is that person. He is my soul mate. I teach him things he doesn't know and he teaches me things I don't know. We learn together the art of manifestation and the quiet peace and love that meditation brings.

It is the best ending to the best year ever. I fix up my old house and rent it out to friends, for way cheaper than most people pay. I no longer need money because I have plenty to go around. We travel and rest and laugh. We grow together into a relationship of peace, love and spirituality.

We travel, explore and make sure the boys, who live so far away, have everything they need for their family and their lives. I try to show by example that we make our own lives. We paint our own picture and write our own stories.

Get the clear picture in your mind. Hold it there, focus on it in positive force and know that it has already happened. We are magic each and every one of us and I wish I had known this before I wasted so much of my life getting here. We all learn in our own time though and we all have our own paths to walk.

Walk forward knowing that you are in charge. That you get what you focus on and that we are magic so watch what you say. Watch what you think. Want with Intent. Believe with everything you are. Love with all your heart and send that love to everyone. For we are all in this together, no matter what it feels like.