Is It Time To Move In Together? The 7 Subjects You Need to Talk About

Love can be such a rush, can’t it? When we’re in the flush of new love, it feels like the relationship is perfect and will last forever. We simply can’t imagine anything that would split us from our partner.

And even after the newness begins to wear off and we settle into a more realistic love and think that things are still great, there’s a difference between loving someone you see for date nights and sex and then part ways, and someone you live with day in and day out.

Little habits, like leaving a wet towel on the bedroom carpet, that you could ignore on overnight visits, becomes a pet peeve that annoys you to no end when you live together. And bigger issues can quickly become monumental.

And that’s why it’s critical that you have a few specific conversations before you decide to move in with or marry someone. These particular conversations matter because they’re about some of the biggest issues that couples argue about and ultimately might even break up over.

Effective communication and sharing is crucial in relationships. Discuss these pivotal subjects to better acquaint, inform and increase understanding between you and your partner.

Your financial history

How you manage your money is important to share with your partner. Talk about your credit history, including whether you’ve ever been unable to pay your bills, if you make it a point to pay bills on time, and the extent of your debt.

Also, you’ll want to know if your partner is a “saver” or a “spender.” This is important because if you’re both spenders, you might find yourselves struggling financially. It can also create conflict if one of you saves and the other spends. But by discussing this in the beginning, you may be able to find a compromise before it becomes an insurmountable problem.

Even if some of your money management history isn’t optimal, this is a topic to be fully open about when you’re about to solidify your relationship. Don’t hold back, even if you’re embarrassed by some of what you need to share.

Thoughts about religion

How important is your faith? What religious traditions do you follow? Do you and your partner need to make some changes to incorporate your spiritual aspects into your relationship?

Are there certain religious rituals or traditions that you would want your partner to participate in with you or vice versa? If you’re of different faiths and plan to have children, how will you handle religion? If religion matters more to one of you than the other, will the one who cares least defer to the one it’s most important to?

These are important things to know before you commit to marriage or even splitting the rent. If you’re too far apart on religion and can’t find compromise, you may struggle later.

Ideas about having children and parenting

You might feel like your relationship is a long way from reaching a point where you need to discuss having kids. Or if one or both of you already have kids, you may think you don’t need to discuss it at all.

But if you’re thinking of marriage, this is a necessary talk to have first. Some questions to answer include: whether you want to have kids in the future, the kind of discipline you want to practice, and how many kids you want. Finding out your mate’s desires in these areas will also serve to make your life path together smoother.

Parenting ideas and beliefs are often emotionally loaded topics and should surely be explored together prior to marriage, especially if one or both of you already have children. Meshing your parenting styles is a lot easier if you both discuss what they are and what parts of your styles are most important to you instead of trying to wing it.

If this is a point of contention between you, then come to an agreeable solution or move your separate ways. Don’t expect to change someone’s mind or sweep this issue under the carpet!

Your career goals

Have you considered how your career goals will be impacted by your relationship or vice versa? Your work life and career aspirations are especially important because they stand to be drastically affected by your decision to marry or reside with your partner.

Do your career goals include moving to a new state or country? Lots of travel time? Long hours? Starting your own business? All of these things can have a huge impact on your relationship. And if the two of you have goals that conflict (goals that require living on opposite sides of the country or in different countries, for example), discussing them before moving in together or marrying can be critical to avoiding a messy divorce down the road.

Inform your partner how much you aspire to career-wise. This is something they deserve to be aware of as your career pursuits can alter both of your lives. One or both of you may decide to change your goals to be together, but it needs to be a conscious, informed decision, not one forced by the time and emotion already invested in the relationship.

Favorite ways to spend “down time”

How you prefer to spend your spare time is integral to your relationship. After all, if you love to read and your partner is an avid sports fan and prefers to socialize with others, some disagreements could result.

Being aware of these preferences will go a long way toward a less bumpy road ahead for the two of you. Can you imagine not knowing your cherished partner loves to play drums in his spare time and finding that out after you marry?

You don’t need to have the same preferences here. But you do need to be able to work out how you can both be happy with the ones you do have. If you’re not able to find a compromise, free time may be the end of your relationship.

Other life aspirations

When talking with your partner, consider all of your life goals. You don’t need to have every single thing you ever want to do laid out on a bucket list. But consider the overarching life goals that you know you’d like to do before you die.

Traveling to Italy, attending a sign language class, doing volunteer work, or even taking in foster children might be on your list. What if your partner’s list looks more like relaxing in the backyard, working their way through their Netflix queue, and making a bulletin board out of wine corks from all the wine they drink over a lifetime?

When you consider these examples, it’s easy to recognize why you and your partner can benefit by discussing goals in advance of marriage.

Discuss any other subjects you or your partner wants to know about

The purpose of this is to clear up anything else that’s nagging at you regarding your own life or your partner’s. This will help to address any doubts or questions either of you might have.

Whether it’s questions about a past relationship, something deep in the family history, an old job, a criminal record, or just a simple question about why they do/don’t like ketchup on their scrambled eggs, ask it before you take the leap into living together or marriage.

Doing so allows the both of you to start your time together with a clean slate.

Speaking openly and honestly about these topics before living together or marriage will improve your communication and your mutual understanding. Most importantly, ensure you bring up any subjects you believe are important. Your partner will thank you for doing so!

I’m Wendy Miller. I’m a freelance writer and self-care expert who helps people find their way in our modern world. I’ve been published on Her Track, Tiny Beans, and Thought Catalog. My work has been read by people from all over the world. I offer advice to parents on parenting, how to find relationships that work for them, and how to take care of themselves — because we’re all a work in progress!

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