Is It Still Love If They Don't Love You Back?
A Short Story of Heartbreak and Validation
In my life up until now I have been in love three times. None of those times was the love mutual. But does that not make it love? It was unconditional; no matter what they did, I was still crazy about them, whether they knew it or not. I never told any of them exactly how far my feelings for them went. But when I hinted at them and found them unreturned I'd retreat to my bedroom, eat sweets, song write, and cry.
These were not your typical teen heartbreaks though, for I didn't get over it in a week, for one of these loves it took me a full year to recover to want to open myself up again to the possibility of love and heartbreak. Now I'm not saying if it doesn't take you a year to recover then it wasn't love but I think it takes more than a week to recover from something as emotionally investing as love.
I pictured real futures with these boys; how it could be. My stomach would fill with nervous excited butterflies when I saw them. My heart would jump into my chest. I would love their smile and relish the moments we made eye contact. When our hands touched, I could feel the nervous sensation stretch the whole length of my arm. I would love all the wonderful things about them their taste in music, their crazy hair, their weird sense of humour, their amazing talents. I would also find the things I didn't like about them and try to make them out way the good but they never did. Love unfortunately makes faults lovable. In that I'm not encouraging that all faults are lovable. I want to state that if someone treats you badly, you should walk away.
Which, although I loved these boys, there came a point where I was led on, treated badly, and I left. But what I felt for them was valid, and it was important even if they didn't feel it back. The point that I would like to make is that love is a feeling that can be shared or it can be your own. Have you ever felt the warmth in your heart when you hear a touching song about love? It is because the love exists within you. It is your own and you can spend it on whomever you would like to. Even if they don’t give it back, it was still given. Regardless of whether they even know or not. Even if you are just sending your love for them into the universe expecting nothing in return. That might even be the best kind of love for it is completely selfless. Which love at it’s very nature is.
Although I was hurt by these boys and no apologies were ever given, I still love them for the people that they are. I wish nothing but the best for them. I hope they are out there in the world and happy. I hope that they find someone who can make them happy. Despite the fact they thought I couldn’t. I accept that. I hope they are thriving and living good lives, that they will have good jobs and maybe later happy families. For although I’ve moved on, my love was spent and I will not get it back. Though more love will grow within me for someone else, it will take time. But I don’t want that love back; they can keep it. I grew it for them. It was mine, and now it is theirs. It will always be love even if they never feel it.