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Investigation: Where Are You? I Think I See You

“Turn around. No, the other way. No, 180 degrees.”

By Connor ThiessenPublished 4 years ago 3 min read

Hey, I just got here. Are you inside? Oh, I think I can see you over there. Can you see me? I’m the one waving. Wait, no, not the guy over there who’s waving. That’s an annoying coincidence. Okay, do you see the red minivan? No, not the one directly to the left of you. Bad example, I guess. Yes, I can see you plain as day, I’m staring right at you. I’m wearing the Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt you got me. I guess that doesn’t help much, we’re in Seattle.

Yeah, maybe walk down the street a bit to get a better view of things. Just a few steps should do. Wow, you’re really going for a wide angle there, is that necessary? You don’t have to go that far, you’re gonna lose me behind this tree in front of me. Stop walking. I don’t know why walking back into that store would help anything. The people inside are going to be real weirded out by someone walking into their travel agency just so you can crane your neck through the windows. You look ridiculous.

Wait, another parking spot just opened up on your side of the street. Stay right there, and I’ll drive up to you. The spot is just further up the road. Yes, you can meet me there.

*3 minutes later*

Alright, I’m right on the side of the road, where are you? I thought you were going to be waiting here. Why are you still in that travel agency? Why were you looking at their prices? I’m very happy for you that they have some good deals going on, we can look into it later. I don’t care if it’s a 1-day-only sale, I’ve got other stuff to do today! What do you mean you already bought a ticket? I thought we were getting dinner! Who goes out of their way to have dinner at the airport? No, I’m not going to give you a ride, you should have thought of that before you spontaneously bought a plane ticket to Austin, Texas! Why would you fly to Texas anyway? I’m not saying there isn’t anything to do in Austin — no, I won’t Google fun things to do in Austin. I’m coming in. No, don’t leave now, you need to cancel the flight. You can’t take the bus all the way to the airport, that’ll take like 3 hours! We’re supposed to be meeting my parents in 20 minutes! I am not buying a ticket myself, and I am not telling my mother and father to meet us in Austin, Texas. Do not get on that bus! Goddammit.

*3 hours later*

You’ve made it to the airport, happy now? Yes, I followed you here. Can we go home, please? No, I don’t want to look at the ticket prices — wait, is that what I think it says? Is that round-trip? Holy cow, that’s ridiculous. But no, we can’t just get on a flight to Texas and ditch my parents. It doesn’t matter if I want to or not, they’ve been waiting for us for hours now. What do you mean, “why didn’t I tell them why we’re late?” I was distracted by the fact that you just hopped on a bus to the airport so you could fly to Texas. Well, sure, I guess I could have called them on the way here, but that’s beside the point by now. Why are you doing this? When I said I wanted more spontaneity in our relationship, this wasn’t what I meant! I mean, obviously, I’d love to just escape for a week or two with you, and the idea of not telling anyone beforehand does sound super romantic. Oh my god, is that a second ticket? I didn’t know you’d bought one for me! Honey, that’s really sweet, but shouldn’t we — actually, hang on, I have to make a call.

Hi, Dad? Hello, yes, we’re both fine, sorry we didn’t call earlier. Can we move dinner to tomorrow? Great, and Dad? Do you mind meeting us in Austin? No, his name is not Austin, I mean can you meet us in Austin, Texas? I’m sending you a link to a really good deal. Come on, haven’t you and Mom always wanted to travel south? That’s the spirit! Okay, I’ll meet you outside the hotel once we’re there. Bye!

Okay, oh my gosh, we’re doing this!

*The next day*

Hi Dad, yeah I’m just waiting on the side of the road. Oh wait, I think I see you. Can you turn around? No, the other way.

humor

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    Connor ThiessenWritten by Connor Thiessen

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