In The Middle

Social things are hard for me. I never knew where I belonged in when I am not myself. I am comfortable being the person everyone expects me to me. In my family, I split my identity between black and white. In school, I split my identity between kind and cruel. Online, I split my identity between whom I wanted to be, and who I was not. It but a monster, and hated the thing I'd become. It was difficult to maintain the weave of deception, and in that tirade of self-hatred afforded me no real friends. I was alone. I had been alone for so long.

It was a few years ago when I decided to give myself a chance. Those moments were hard, because . To me for me. Even now as I stare at him, I am forever grateful. It was unfortunate he had to endure my metamorphisms. I'm still stuck in my cacoon, but I can mountains, the warm weather, and the open roads. Massachusites surround me with a smorgasbord of visual delights. Do you know how long its been since I've seen a proper tree or forest? A long time!

This new . Coming from a broken home, the desire for true family was something I didn't know I craved. I told him I would do my best to be respectful, open minded, and adapt meeting. saw something in the corner of my eye. It looked like a guitar, but had a wider body and a long neck. When I picked it up, I began to strum in and sing a stupid song. Why? Heck if I know.

After my weird gesture of lightening the mood, his parents laughed. I still sat amazed asking them what the instrument was. His father told me it was an oud. M after, and my boyfriend and I went home.

Later in the evening, I asked him if I made a fool of myself in front to accept me, because he accepted him. I went to sleep unconvinced, but accepted the fact I ruined an effort to try and understand them. They liked me.

Ever since then, they've treated me like their own. I never felt more comfortable with parental figures in ages. I call them "Mom" and "Dad" respectfully. You could say I adopted them for myself. I am grateful to have them in my life and am thankful for my boyfriend believing in me.

Why was I writing