In Search For The Uncomfortable

It's been a while since I went out to a bar. Normally I'm at coffee houses, book stores, libraries, and the open streets. Yet, something in my gut reached out to me and said, "Go there. You know you should."

I had a feeling that my instinctive reasoning was similar to as to why I frequent the gym so often. It's more than just to get in enough social interactions for the day (my family likes to call that "people watching"), but it's for social credit. To be able to go to a place where people know your name and face. Sure, that may not sound good to some of you, especially if you like to keep to yourselves. If I may though, social credit is important so that you become familiar not just with a place but the people there. It's sort of like building yourself a home-away-from-home. Sure, you may not live there, but there's just something about the atmosphere that you bring. There's always a "vibe" with people, and sometimes getting out there to meet and know different people helps you to know yourself better. Your weaknesses, your strong suits, your areas of improvements, your own levels of comfortability, and most importantly your boundaries.

In my search for the uncomfortable I went out to a bar again this time. I'm used to bars, but they're certainly not like book stores. Book stores allow you and others to sit and peruse in peace. Though they are a business, I feel less pressured to buy something from a book store than I do while at a bar. Naturally, I knew that I had to buy at least a drink bare minimum. An alcoholic beverage, a soda, a lemonade, now all of those are great choices. However, when you get alcohol I would advise you to only get one drink and if you have to, nurse it. If you're ordering an alcoholic beverage, make sure that you can be at the bar for the next hour.

I entered, showed the bouncer my I.D., backpack, and was admitted entrance. Then I found a spot that was more so centered amongst other tables between a few people, and grabbed out my laptop.

Now, one of the things about the uncomfortable is that it is in a variety of different areas. Another point, is that the areas are not always in this world. The uncomfortable lies within the outside world, within ourselves, in our heads, in our emotions, in other people that we come across be they family, friend, foe, or foreigner (stranger). The uncomfortable is in new experiences, its in novelty, its in different areas of our life and the lives of others that we traverse across.

Sitting at the table, I pulled up MicroSoft Excel and started to work on my spreadsheets for Gantt Charts. From there I went to an old document that I had begun typing to pick up work that I had previously finished. It's been far too long since I had worked on this project of mine. In all honesty, I sort of felt like I've been giving too much time to my other hobbies, especially poetry, when there are other things that I should focusing on. Less I digress, I get to work on making a schedule.

A waitress asks me what I would like to eat. Having perused the menu minutes beforehand, I made the decision to try one of their other menu items that I haven't tried yet. So, this time I went with some chicken tacos, as the last few times I went for some of their unique burgers.

While I was setting up the calendar for my project, the tacos arrived. Before the waitress left, I paid my bill in full. Fingers flying faster across my keyboard than a hawk over a cornfield diving upon a field mouse, I had started to set up the groundwork for my project. Reviewing the work that would need to be implemented, I was satisfied with what I've currently done.

Turning my attention back to the tacos, I begun to dine upon my supper. I knew it was going to be better to eat them warm than it would be to continue furiously into my work, only to eat cold (and possibly oily) tacos. They were delicious.

Nice and warm, with some cheese atop of their beans, ah, perfect for the evening.

Once I had finished my meal, and washed up in the restroom, I was struck with a bit of inspiration. If you were to see me you might have thought that I was speaking in tongues or talking underneath my breath. Yet, it was the muse that had spoken to me. It was the muse that was guiding me. Under her influence, I went to The Rhyme Zone and Dictionary.com to filter a few small improvements while working on the flow state.

It was in this state that I had typed "Cheap Talk; Expensive Silence." Once I was satisfied with what I had typed, I had looked up at a group that sat at the table in front of me while I was eating my tacos.

I had walked up to them with my laptop and asked them "Hey there, do you guys mind if I read you something I wrote down?"

With big smiles on their faces, they wiped off a spot for me and my computer as I pulled up a chair from the table behind me. One of ladies pointed out, "Yeah, I saw you typing and reading something off over there. You seemed to be going pretty ham. Like, you got some sick beats or something?"

"Well, how about you find out for yourself," I winked at her.

As the group looked in, I started off with the title. The girl sitting at the far left felt like it was instant "heat." The young man in the far right, though more interested in the football playing on the TV from behind the table where I originally sat, as soon as the words left from my lips, his attention was pulled towards my direction.

The flow, the rhythm, the lessons from parables that our guardians before us had given, it had all created, and not just set, the vibe. Astounded they were at the words that would rhyme, near-rhyme, and the ones that you think shouldn't, but with the right pronunciation, everything seemed to fit together like a well crafted puzzle piece.

After having finished, they looked at me in awe. One girl wondered, "Like how long have you been making that?"

I answered, "Just now, while I was sitting over there."

The girl sitting to my near left said, "You should really add some music to that. Then it'd be amazing. Like, it already is, but even more so."

From there we talked about flow, the vibe, and wisdom from proverbs. With everybody tuned in, we didn't want to turn off the channel that was this moment in reality. It was a moment of peace brought upon by a moment of expedition. Sure, it wasn't Mount Everest or the deep-depths of the Amazon rainforest, but it searching for people, it was for an expanse of "community." In doing so, a small tribe was form just from that small moment where everything seemed to have "click."

I have gone to an area where I wanted to get comfortable in, but the main realm of comfortability for me was the realm of human interactions. So, that being said, our conversation was about to get a lot more uncomfortable. Sit and wait for a little while, it'll pop up shortly.

As our conversation continued, the topic eventually rolled into our discussion of searching, vulnerability, intimacy, and even to work.

One girl has asked of me, "So what brought you out to the bar tonight?"

To which I replied, "I'm in search."

"Of what?"

"The uncomfortable."

"What's that?"

"The uncomfortable is many things. For a lot of people it's just being around people and getting to know others. To know and to be known. To understand as to be understood."

The group paused and stared, "The uncomfortable also means to be comfortable with who you are, your emotions, emotional and mental states, uncomfortable truths of reality, and what we'd have to do to make our own lives better for ourselves."

"So why are you in search of it?"

"I am in search of the uncomfortable because if I do not find it, and if I do not become comfortable in it, when I go back to my place of rest, my home, my bed, I will be made uncomfortable in the comfortable."

They proceeded to nod their heads and say, "Ahhh," in an understanding tone. The young man who sat in the right corner had nodded his head pretty eagerly in agreement whilst putting down his glass of beer.

"Have you even gone to bed at the end of the day, and felt like there was something more that you could of done? Like, there's a calling out there waiting for you, and you know that you only possibly delayed it a little bit more?"

"Oh yeah," the young lady in the far left started, "all the time. It's like, I'm trying to get to a point that I desire, but I either stray from that path, or choose to not walk it at all."

"Exactly," I pointed in her direction, "I have to make myself comfortable, because the rest of the world is generally uncomfortable. It's not my room, nor is it my house, but it could be a home-away-from-home if I allow it to be. It's not just locations, or people, it's also your inner being. To be comfortable with yourself in a full embracement of who you are."

"So, like, do you have any other examples that you could give us," she asked me.

"Ummm... Well," I rested my chin on my hand, "Yeah, actually I can. Here," I began, "have you ever been told that if you're nervous just imagine everybody else around you naked?"

The group shook there heads, the young lady on my near left said, "All the time. Like, I used to use that trick a lot as a kid, especially in high school."

"Yeah, it's a trick meant to help alleviate performance anxiety. Yet, what I do is the opposite."

"What?" The young lady in the far left said, "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, instead of imagining the room naked and being the only one clothed, I imagine myself naked in front of the whole room."

"Wait what?"

"Wait, I don't get it," the lady on the near left said.

"But how, and why?" The one on the near right said.

Meanwhile the young man chortled a laugh and cracked a smile.

"Allow me to explain. That's part of the uncomfortable. You have to imagine yourself in your most vulnerable, weakest state. Cause from there, you can build yourself up. I'm not talking about covering yourself in clothes, but it's an acceptance of who you are, and what you are truly capable of. Nobody can strip you of any power, if your most vulnerable state is considered to be your most powerful state."

"Ohhh, so it's like taking your biggest weakness and turning it into your biggest strength," the lady on the near right spoke up.

"Exactly!"

"Well still, I don't think I could ever do that."

"That's the thing, nobody's asking you to do that in reality. It's you being comfortable with yourself in the most brutal landscape possible, your mind."

The girl on the far left spoke up, "Couldn't be me, I can only be naked if I'm showering, or if I'm having sex."

To which I responded, "Well, when you think about it, sex is one of the most threatening things as well."

"Why is that?"

"You're vulnerable, not just from a clothed standpoint, but you're also allowing yourself to be vulnerable to another person with your emotions, and you mind. Sure, there are some people who are way more comfortable with emotional vulnerability than they are physically and vice-versa, but the point remains that you're so vulnerable in a way that you could be attacked in a numerous amounts of ways. It could be with a rejection as a whole, a laugh, a point of a finger, there's so many ways to feel attacked and so many different pains that we expose ourselves too."

"But with the chance for pain is also the chance for pleasure."

"Yep."

"You do make a good point about that though. Still, that's the level of comfortability I'm at."

"Well, when you're comfortable with yourself, it does allow others to be comfortable with you. Sort of a like, a law of attraction kind of moment, right?"

"Totally, see you get it." She then looked to her friend who sat across from her, the young lady on my near right, "I've been telling you to read those Vogue magazines, and you still haven't yet."

"What I still have them. I promise I'll get to it."

"Yeah right, you're probably too uncomfortable to read those."

"No way. I'm more comfortable than you give me credit for."

"Come on, I gave you like the first mag like a month ago and you've yet to read any of those juicy stories that they write about." She then turned her attention towards me, "Oh I'm sorry, I don't mean to."

"Hey relax," I replied, "I'm no stranger to stories like those. I do write after all. I've branched genres before, and besides we're all adults here."

Then as those two continued their conversation about the vogue magazines, the woman on my near left asked me, "Hey, so where do you work, if I may ask? Cause like, you seem pretty smart."

"Me? Oh, I work at [information redacted]."

"Really? I have a friend who works there! Oh well, actually I don't know if he still does."

"Well, what's his name?"

"His first name is [information redacted]."

"Well, we got a couple of guys with that name there, what's his last name?"

"Oh, his last name is [information redacted]."

I laughed a smile, "Oh my gosh."

"What?"

"You won't believe this."

"What? What is it?"

"He's my boss."

She started to laugh, "No way!"

"I'm serious. The dude's my manager. Well, he's actually the manager of the [information redacted] department, but still, yeah, I see him practically everyday at work."

"Oh my gosh, I gotta tell him this. Here, let me send him a snap."

"Goodness, that's hilarious."

So yeah, I went out in search of the uncomfortable and found it. Well, I guess in this case you could say that the uncomfortable, instead, rather found me. If there's a lesson that you could take away from this I would probably let it be, "Go out in search of the uncomfortable. If not, it will approach you. For the strength and fortitude that you have to face the future with in your present were prepared from your past." TL:DR Get comfortable in the uncomfortable or you will be made uncomfortable.

Back to the story, we continued to talk at length, "Hey, so how did you get to know my boss?"

"Oh, we were friends before he moved here. He used to live in-."

"[Information redacted]?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Cause he told us that's how he got to the position he's currently in."

"Dude, you don't even know the half of it."

"So like, did you two used to date?"

"No, we were just really good friends. Though when he got a girlfriend, and like I'm so happy for him, have you seen her?"

"Yeah, a coworker showed me a picture of them before. I'm not surprised, but I gotta say, I know a lot of people that would envy him."

"Lowkey, he's like super chill and nice, but I had to ask him for a bit of help one time."

"Why's that?"

"Cause I caught his gf was stalking my insta." I laughed a closed smile into my fist.

"Oooo..." I placed my forehead into my hand, "That's uh... that sounds like a red flag from a mile away. Like, that would set off some alarms."

"I know right? Still, so I messaged him and he told me that he'd take care of it."

"No problems since?"

"None."

"Well, he's a man of his word." Still, I wasn't expecting such a left turn in our interaction tonight. I'm just glad that they liked "Cheap Talk; Expensive Silence," and that they enjoyed my company.

As the conversation continued and divulged into various other topics, I said, "Well, I think I should be going. Hey, thanks for having me. I appreciate it."

The young man spoke up, "Hey man, thanks for your words of wisdom. Shit, you're talking about stuff I've never looked into before."

The girl on the near right said, "Yeah, like you really should make a beat for that it was lit."

The lady on the far right said, "Hey, like on an open mic night you should try some of that. People would loose their minds."

"Well," I responded, "I have gotten the crowd going before on karaoke night."

The young lady who knew my boss said, "Yeah, like you should totally try to get a slam poetry thing going here. If the bar isn't doing anything special on certain nights, that could be something new they could feature."

"Hey, why not?" After I packed up my things, I waved my hands saying, "Thanks again guys."

And they all waved back at me. From their overlapping of voices I heard,

"Hope to see you again!"

"It was great talking with you!"

"Bye! Make sure to come back some time!"

"Thanks for the words of wisdom."

After leaving the bar, from there, I hopped in my car and drove away. That night was a great night. I hope to have many nights like those again.

Hey, if you would, join me. Tell me about your stories of times you've gotten "comfortable in the uncomfortable." There's a whole world out there, but even bigger and even more communities just waiting to be explored, and some, made.