I Miss My Daddy

I miss my Daddy

Derick Sinclair 03/22/23

Charmain sits on the stoop in front of her house. Her father spent hours showing her the magic in the sky. A nonstop show of animals, people, fish, and trees showing up for her to see. Today she misses her daddy more than on other days. The clouds are in such pretty shapes, she wishes she could share them with him.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, she still hasn’t slept a single night without the nightmares. The men who broke into her house and killed her daddy appear in her dreams. Not like the soft, friendly, and pretty clouds. The men in her dreams are hard, angry, and ugly. She sees the eyes of the killers. The guns. The yelling. The noise of the gun going off, then the quiet.

The quiet is the hardest. Middle of the night quiet reminds Charmain of the quiet after the bad men left. Quiet that was so scary. Who does she call? What does she do? There is never quiet like after a gunshot. The boom, the screaming, then silence.

Today’s clouds remind Charmain of a better time. She and her dad would sit on the stoop and compare sky discoveries. Today she saw a horse, a unicorn, a cow, and a dragon. All hers alone. Her daddy wasn’t there. She wishes he was.

Nothing takes away missing him. He told her to always believe she can do anything. Tears too powerful to overcome, today she feels she can’t.

Charmain’s aunt is now her mom and dad. She says she misses her brother too, but not like Charmain. Charmain and her daddy were special. Nobody on earth could see the fish in the sky like him. He would spot a dolphin jumping over a wave, and then immediately find a seahorse for it to play with.

Today Charmain sees only the white collection of moisture in the sky, a cloud by any other name. The animals don’t show up. The fish don’t jump. The flowers are all closed. It’s the day the bad men who shot daddy go to jail. They show their faces on TV and Charmain breaks into tears and curls up into a ball on the couch.

Charmain’s aunt sits with her on the stoop. She tries to find anything in the sky to share. Nothing today. No fish. No flowers. No wild rides on a wave. Just sky with clouds.

Charmain knows she is trying, but she is not her daddy. Sometimes she tries so hard it hurts even more. She wants her daddy to walk through the door, pick her up in his big arms, and hug her. That day will not happen. Her daddy was killed by the bad men. Her aunt hugs her tightly. It’s not the same.

Charmain’s aunt will read her a story tonight before bed, of princes and fairy princesses. She gets lost in the story. A happy story without guns to shatter the night. She falls asleep hoping those fairy princesses and princes will guard her. The quiet of the night, so far, too deafening to sleep through. Maybe tonight she will sleep.

The morning came, and she made it without dreaming of the past. Today, her life starts. She is now the one to pick the shapes in the clouds. She is strong, her daddy told her so. No longer living in the past, she runs outside to see what she can. Mr. Cow, Mr. Horse, and Mr. Fish all join her from the sky. Today she lives. Tomorrow, she grows. The bad men do not get her soul. Her daddy told her she was a fighter, a soldier of good, a powerful woman, and now she believes she is. Her friends in the sky will look after her when they can, it’s up to her to be her best. , She raises her arms in celebration, never to give the bad men another victim to claim. She slept through the night and now everything is going to be all right.

Her daddy is gone. They say not forgotten. Every day, that night gets farther away. Some day Charmain will not even think of that night. Until then, she talks to the clouds and tells her daddy she loves him and misses him. Each day a little better, a little stronger. Some day she will be all better. Her daddy loved her, he told her so. He told her she must love herself enough to do anything she wants.

Charmain finds a new shape in the clouds. It looks like her father. She feels his presence wherever she goes. He guides her away from trouble and leads her to opportunity. Today she stands as a leader. Victorious. A survivor, but not a victim.