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I'm Insecure About My Writing

by Sunshine on Brown Skin 2 months ago in fact or fiction / travel / literature / friendship / feature / art / advice · updated 2 months ago
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A Confession

Photo by Wolfgang Krzemien on Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-statue-of-a-naked-woman-7410025/

I don't fear people as much as I fear being known. Being seen from all sides including my insides. Being utterly exposed. And viewed, in my unedited essence.

Honestly, I am an extremely private person. So writing didn't just open the door to my safe place. Writing completely unhinged every reasonable path of escape. Allowing people in at all hours, by way of every means. Regardless of what I'm doing, accomplishments or failures, or my mood, or struggles, or already present company. Writing uncovers my emotions, my perspectives, my joys and pains to whomever wills. And with every piece I publish, I agree to this. I’m saying "yes" to accessing who I am, to my core.

Does your writing do this? Is it honest enough, letting others see your true self? Do people get to recline with popcorn in hand reading your full length movie? Sipping on moments of your blushing as they get second-hand embarrassment. Not wanting to put you down for a well-needed bathroom break. Do your readers get to glean from the orifices of your soul?

It’s no wonder, people hesitate to share their written or spoken words. Who wants to stand naked in the public square? Not just overwhelmed by the gawkers and trolls. But impacted by the apathetic walkers-by. The ones who don’t even try to get it. The ones that make the shallow, sympathetic eye contact. Those moments that scream your writing serves no purpose. Which is a lie! Minimally (and I use this word loosely) it unchains you- the benevolent patron of words.

Still, the ones that break me the most… are those who need it but are too deep in their own pain to risk reading about a life that could only, maybe-possibly, help them on their journey. You want to hold up a sign that says, “I wrote this for you too!”. In hopes they see what it costs, not just for your freedom- for them to procure carte blanche one day as well. Wondering if they will ever appreciate the lengths you went. So you wouldn’t be alone and unclothed in this unforgiving marketplace of gaslighting and cancel culture. That maybe one day, they too would brave this world, naked and unashamed. Perhaps with a ridiculously supportive entourage. Because you want better for them than what you’re currently enduring.

Photo by Wolfgang Krzemien from Pexels

Here I go again, hoping this will help more than me- exposing my propensity toward neediness. Offering y’all more of my chaotic guts. Desirous of other’s interaction with this piece so they know they aren’t alone in the susceptibility. Hoping this brings about freedom or glimpses of it for at least you or you. Hopeful maybe, that I’ll gain a comrade or two while au naturel. But that’s what writers do. And I’m a writer. Queasy in sunshine and storm- occasionally, praying for a parasol or umbrella to shield me from the elements and deflect the onslaught of uncertainty that results in nausea. While still wanting to be brave enough to not need either form of untenable shelter. So yeah, a writer, I am. This is me. Hoping I die the same way I was born and now choose to live. Brazenly insecure, naked, and free.

fact or fictiontravelliteraturefriendshipfeatureartadvice

About the author

Sunshine on Brown Skin

Writing offers an atmosphere of peace, connecting me to my Creator and human experience. The release is freeing and keeps me tethered to my true-self. Reminding me- I'm enough, I'm capable, I'm loved. Freeing others into the same truth.

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Nice work

Very well written. Keep up the good work!

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  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

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Comments (43)

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  • Daniela Dragas2 days ago

    Eloquently and beautifully expressed. Writing asks for everything, words we wrote demand we stand by them. Including au natural on public square.

  • Godson24 days ago

    This hit me on so many levels. Yet I am the opposite, in real life I’m a ball of energy with no fears or insecurities. When it comes down to my writing all my fears hit.

  • Erica Martinabout a month ago

    I'm very careful about what I share on different platforms. The only place I really get into my innermost thoughts are ny Penzu journals, which are private. I publish content I think others will benefit from on platforms like LinkedIn and Vocal.

  • Carolyn Fields2 months ago

    I find that I'm always writing with my Mother figuratively over my shoulder, saying "are you sure you want to share that?" It has held me back, but simultaneously it has freed me to write confidently. Because if I would let her read it, then it doesn't matter what anyone else might say.

  • Christina2 months ago

    Honest and beautiful.

  • Annie2 months ago

    This landed. Beautifully written, relatable, and everything I can't seem to muster up the courage or intelligence to express myself. Great piece!

  • Shadow James2 months ago

    Loved it!! I can relate. It's difficult to be naked in front of everyone.

  • Shahroudi2 months ago

    Thank you for sharing!

  • Marl Gore2 months ago

    I completely relate!

  • You put wonderful words to a feeling I share. Thank you for sharing!

  • Diane Siefkes2 months ago

    I feel this. Thank you for sharing.

  • This comment has been deleted

  • La hole2 months ago

    The writing is very soulful

  • Goff Leo2 months ago

    🌹

  • test2 months ago

    🌹

  • Bath Rudge2 months ago

    Maybe one day, they too would brave this world

  • test2 months ago

    Very beautiful。

  • Kylara2 months ago

    Great work! Love it!

  • Melissa Ingoldsby2 months ago

    Beautiful

  • Goose2 months ago

    I love it

  • C. Stachow2 months ago

    Thank you for sharing this vulnerability with us! The fear of being known but wanting to share at the same time is all too relatable.

  • E M2 months ago

    Excellent work …. I felt this in my bones ☺️

  • Laura Gray2 months ago

    Thank you for writing this!

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