I'm Addicted to HIM

Our first date was the longest date ever! Of course, I realized that when reality shook in. It was extremely hard to leave. Everything was so great and I lost track of time. How could this be possible? It looks like I was a prey of his charm. Now I knew I was in trouble…

What did he do to me?

I was mesmerized by his passion about absolutely anything he talks about; his life, his interests… EVERYTHING! It is really hard to get my attention that way. Almost impossible. Somehow, he managed to slowly drag me in to this remote place in which just the two of us could only exist. There was no space for anyone else… I didn’t know how to react so I just let him guide me to it.

The conversation was dreamy. I don’t know if it was the sweetness on his voice or the way he used diminutives to describe everything… For all I know at this point, he got me and could tell me anything and I most likely would follow.

We bonded over our love for coffee, common interests, and discovered we are passionate about living the best life we can possibly have. It’s not easy to find someone that—like me—was recently exposed to the advantages of freedom, and want to continue with them. We see life exactly the same way, no judgements, no regrets, just enjoying the moment. Within the openness of our minds, there were countless ways to enjoy that very second… and we decided to enjoy it together.

Since our relationship started with an end, we were up for a spontaneous adventure. Who knew he was going to like what I’m interested in? Or be shameless enough to sing to me without knowing how tough of a critic I could be? By the way, him singing to me may have contributed to the fact that I didn’t want to get away from him. He went straight to my heart. Or maybe it was he smile with his eyes… Or his laugh? His voice? The way he touch my hand? Or hug me? Maybe when we kissed? I don’t know!

I can't believe this!

I spent 3 years of my life enjoying life to the fullest. Living it up, no strings attached. How can someone change that in one date? JUST ONE DATE. Have I just been putting a front after divorce? Building a wall around my heart? If so, what is so special about HIM that keeps me glued to his beautiful eyes? Have I let down my guard? And why am I getting wrapped up into something that it is going to end within a blink of an eye? I am confused!

Even when all these questions were running through my mind, I have to accept I like this feeling. It’s fresh, different. He is smart, mature, but very jovial. He is funny, playful. He is everything I’ve been looking for and I’m dying to know more about him. I don’t know what he did to me but if he continues, it is going to be a sad day when we part ways. I guess I’ll have a couple hours of bar time at the airport followed by 7 hours or so of flight time to cry it out. As a multitasker, I will also generate a series of dramatic stories stating how I feel at the moment. Then I’ll start school and I won’t think about it. I know the cycle, and I’m sure I’ll be ok.

All I can say is… I am addicted to him, just like I’m addicted to the bitter taste of a fresh brewed Dark Roast cup of coffee. That one that I must have every day in order to function. Now that I put it like this, it looks like I’m playing with fire. But I am so ready to get burn!