I Am The Greatest Word of All Times

I’m not surprised I’m back in the news. I’m the champ. I am N*gger. I am the greatest word of all times. I stay in the news. People can’t stop saying me. I’ve been crushing it since 1574. That’s 445 years of mad usage. I am the greatest. I am so great of a word that even after I was turned into a derogatory slur and used to attack the losers of The United States’ game of White Supremacy, I continued to get mad usage.

I knew a lot of good words that were associated with far nicer things than me that are not here anymore. Dungarees, gone. Fisticuffs, gone. Jalopy, gone.

But I’m still here. Getting mad usage. Cause I’m the greatest word of all times.

You wanna know why I’m still here. You wanna know why people can’t stop won’t stop saying me? I’m phonetically delicious. I am the greatest combination of letters ever assembled. Sharp “N’ short “I” Two “G”s a Schwa and a hard “R.” Man, that’s delicious! If you mouth me 20 times your nostrils flare, your lips pop and your tongue turns into a little Shirley Temple shuffle ball changing up and down your palates. I’m a party in your pie hole.

I am a goddamn delight. I don’t sound gross like moist or panties. I don’t have unnecessary letters like salmon. I ain’t all pretentious like coccyx or faux. I’m a six-letter two-syllable badass. I am perfect.

That’s why everybody wants to say me. That’s why every word wants to be me. That’s why every time someone wants to put a little extra sauce on a word, they compare that word to me.

Like this clown, Chris Cuomo talking about Fredo is the Me to Italians. First of all, Chris, I am still the Me to Italians. Second of all, Fredo. Fredo ain’t like me. Fredo ain’t nothing like Me. Fredo could never be Me.

Are millions of people whispering Fredo when there are no Mes around? No. Is eighty-three percent of rap music using Fredo as a space-filler? No. What is Fredo anyway? I’ll tell you what Fredo is. It’s a word that serves as a moniker for a character in two movies. Two movies. Me, please. Do you know how many movies I’m in?

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “you’re associated with hate, N-word, and we are living in hateful times and that’s why you’re getting mad usage.” Well, I disagree with your thoughts. First of all, I know that in this world there are more people who love than there are people who hate so I am being used by a lot of lovers baby.

Second of all, I wasn’t the only derogatory term used on the losers of The United States’ game of White Supremacy. There was Tar Baby, Spook, Spade, Sambo, Pickaninny, Jiggaboo, Eggplant, Blackie, Brownie, Darkie, Coon, and my personal favorite Smoked Irishman. They are gone. I am here. Getting mad usage. That’s not 'cause of hate. That’s 'cause of deliciousness.

As far as me being associate with hate all I can say is I didn’t do this. I am just a word. People did this to me. When Hosea Easton wrote about me back in 1837 in his book A Treatise On the Intellectual Character, and Civil and Political Condition of the Colored People of the U. States; And the Prejudice Exercised Towards Them; With A Sermon on the Duty of the Church To Them, he wrote, and I quote, “The term in itself," talking about me "would be perfectly harmless were it used only to distinguish one class of society from another.” I would be perfectly harmless if people would have used me to point out a difference rather than used me to insult and injure that difference.

I wish I existed in a world where I wasn’t associated with hate or people. Both suck. I am the greatest word of all times. I should be associated with cool shit. Like luxury vehicles or athletic footwear or sandwiches. Or all three while you bullshittin’. Imagine that. A world where you could jump out your n*gger wearing a fresh pair of n*ggers and grab a six-inch n*gger from Subway and it would be all good.

Unfortunately, I don’t exist in that world. I exist in this one and in this one right now there’s a middle aged white woman yelling at a Black family in a Waffle House in Athens, Georgia and I’m due to leap out of her mouth in like seven minutes. So, I’m gonna skedaddle. But I will leave you with this...

I am the greatest word of all times and be nice. Being mean is how we got here.