How to Survive a LDR

I met my boyfriend on Xbox Live about 10 years ago. We were pretty young when we met, 11, and 12 to be exact. Out of the 10 years we've known each other six of them were long distance. There were so many people who had a negative view of LDR because the media always made it seem as if it was impossible to be happy if you were in one. Although there is some truth to that it is still very possible to have a long-lasting LDR.

My relationship was nothing but rocky in the beginning because I had no idea how to date someone in a different state. The only thing I had to go off of where the videos on YouTube of long distance couples meeting for the first time. There wasn't anyone I could turn to for advice or the answers to my many questions, and because of that I want to create this guide to help any other couple out there struggling or just needing some advice. So read up, here are some tips to help out your LDR.

1.) Communication is Truly Key

If you ask anyone in a long distance relationship "what is the most crucial part of your relationship?" most likely they will say communication. So just how important is communication? Well in a LDR communication is pretty much the only thing you have. Being able to talk to each other is the main component of your relationship therefore if you aren't able to do that your relationship is going to suffer tremendously.

There were so many times that my boyfriend and I weren't able to talk to each other, whether the reason being one of us didn't have internet or a phone at one point or an other. These times were the worst time of our relation considering the fact that we couldn't just go to school and see each other. Sadly there were many times we would go months without talking to each other due to the instability of my life at the time. It would get to the point where I would totally forget what his voice sounded like.

No one wants to be left wondering if their significant lover is okay or even alive! Since we were so young we couldn't just buy a new cell phone or the services the internet provides. So if you are younger this is the advice I have for you:

• talk to your family about getting a smartphone or even a house phone
• if you are using a house phone talk to your bf/gf about the times you can talk
• create an email dedicated to talking to your gf/bf
• don't be afraid to write a handwritten letter

Don't worry older people I have advice for you too:

• if you are a teen (16 and older) getting a job is going to be so helpful
• if your parents disagree with your LDR they sell cheap phones/plans at Walmart use your own money
• drive to a library where you can instant message or even skype in some cases

Since I didn't have internet the only times I could communicate with my boyfriend was when I went to a grocery store that had Wi-fi. Did I mention that this could end up being pretty difficult?

Okay so the other thing that goes into communication is the communication part. When talking to your significant other make sure that both of you get the most out of it. When I would talk to my boyfriend I wanted to know about the littles things like what he ate for lunch or how his friends at school were. These little details are what helped me connect to his world and made me feel like more than just a voice in the phone. Don't be afraid to talk about the things that may be boring because chances are it might me the most interesting thing to someone who doesn't get to live life by your side.

2.) Skype, I Love You

In the beginning me and my boyfriend only talked through Xbox seeing as playing video games was pretty much the only thing we were doing those days. As our relationship furthered talking on Xbox wasn't enough! We wanted to feel more connected so we decided to finally give Skype a try.

Being able to video chat is so important in a long distance relationship because it is the next best thing to being there in person. I will admit that I was terrified of Skype in the beginning because I wasn't used to seeing my boyfriend but after time passed it was my favorite way to talk. When video chatting here are some tips for getting the most out of it:

• take the opportunity to introduce your family members
• show your bf/gf some of your favorite things
• eat together, it will make both of you more comfortable in the future
• plan special day where you both dress up

Now that video chatting is more common there are many options to choose from so don't only limit yourself to Skype. Also this goes without saying but please be carful before video chatting with anyone you meet online. You need to build I certain amount of trust before doing something that could be harmful.

3.) The Little Things Mean A lot

There is only so much you can do in a long distance relationship but the little thing truly do make a difference.

Gifts: The first gift that I ever sent my boyfriend was a bracelet with his sign on it and I had one too with my sign. I remember him saying how special it was to receive something that I had actually touched. I know it sounds pretty dumb but when you aren't able to physically touch the person you love the tiniest things make a huge impact. Getting your significant other a gift catering to their taste is important but something I found even more special was receiving one of my boyfriends shirts that he would always wear. These kinds of gifts make you feel closer to the person you love. Don't be afraid to send your significant other something of yours chances are they will be happier with that than anything else

Fun n Games: This doesn't only pertain to video games but all kinds of games. Something that my boyfriend and I would do often was play Uno cards while on Skype sometimes we would even play I Declare War. Doing things like this help to ensure that your relationship doesn't get boring. Other than playing games you could also watch movies either on Skype or on the phone. Watching movies will help you on finding out each others taste and even finding mutual favorites. Even singing together can be a lot of silly fun!

Do Something Special: Since video games were our thing my boyfriend would occasionally create this adorably awful Minecraft worlds. Other times he would write and perform songs for me. It was always so special to feel like someone could care for me so much even if we weren't together. I made him a special video for our anniversary and it is still on YouTube even after all these years. It doesn't have to be something over the top just make sure to let your significant other know they are loved even from miles away.

4.) Don't Be Ashamed

I used to be so embarrassed to tell people how I met my boyfriend because of the negative stigma around online dating...yes even as children. I had I different story for almost every person I met, and doing that made it hard for me to keep up with my lies. I felt so ashamed of my relationship and I never felt like I could talk about my boyfriend to anyone including my family. I didn't want to be judged, I didn't want people to call me desperate or lonely because my boyfriend didn't live in my state.

Although he never mentioned it I know that it hurt my boyfriend knowing that I constantly lied to people about our relationship. It hurt me knowing that he was doing it because I felt like I wasn't important to him. As the years went on I started to see more and more stories about long distance couples sharing their stories. Seeing that there was a whole community of people who were in the same boat as me made it easier to accept our situation. Before long I finally told my family the truth about how Chris and I met and they were in awe. After we finally came clean about our relationship everything was so much better. We were finally comfortable in all aspects.

If you are struggling to share your LDR here are some tips:

• Join a forum! Talking to other people in a LDR will help you not feel so alone
• Tell a few people at a time, start with those close to you
• Share your favorite picture of them on your social media introducing them to all of the important family and friends in your life

Also make sure to communicate with your significant other to insure that you want the same thing at the same time. Its important to introduce each other when you are BOTH comfortable.

5.) Trust is Everything

Trust is the foundation of any relationship whether it be a parental relationship, a friendship, or even a work relationships. This also goes for long distance where trust is vital. When you are living states away from the person trust plays a big part in keeping yourself from going insane.

Luckily for my relationship me and my boyfriend were best friends before we got serious meaning we had already formed a strong bond helping us trust each other with anything. I wont lie and say that there weren't times where we were suspicious because you simply would never know, but I don't think I could ever imagine him doing anything to hurt me. It takes along time to get to the point where you can trust someone unconditionally but it is possible...its vital! Here are some tips on trust building in your relationship:

>Never make your significant other feel bad about hanging out with other people- this will make them feel as if you can't trust them

>Share the details of your day- this will help you to understand each others routines and not feel worried when they aren't available

>No secrets- secrets can be very dangerous and are a big reason relationships end. Never hide anything from your significant other that you wouldn't want them to hide from you.

>Communicate- if you are feeling uneasy about something in your relationship don't be afraid to share it with your significant other. When doing this try not to accuse or be hostile towards your significant other. Also be compliant if your s/o expressing their feelings to you

In conclusion just like any other relationship, long distance relationships are hard work! A LDR will test you in many ways and at times it might seem like it isn't worth all of the trouble. There were so many nights that I would stay up crying because it was all so overwhelming but this is my relationship. Looking back at everything we've endured I wouldn't trade my LDR for anything. In the end it taught me that the best things in life are worth the wait. Trust me all of the tears and headaches will be well worth it in the end.