How To Stop A Controlling Husband (How To Handle A Dominating Husband)

There is always a reason for everything that we do. Nothing is "just." Everyone, however, doesn't always understand our reasoning and motives. (Sometimes we are ourselves don't understand them!).

This is also true concerning a controlling husband. There is something in him that makes them controlling. Reveal it, and you can help them and yourself. Keep it hidden and you are on your way to a life of suffering in the marriage or ending the marriage.

In this article I will present to you one of main reasons for a controlling husband, being brought up by controlling parents and 3 ways that it effects them today. After you recognize why he is the way that they are, you can begin to help them change.

• Imitation. "Monkey see Monkey do", the saying goes. Humans are creatures of our habits and we copy what we see around us. What we see around us is what we FEEL is normal. This is especially true concerning what we saw when we were children when our brains were being formed. Therefore if your husband was brought up being controlled he will also get into this horrible habit. In their mind this a marriage and this is parenting. Interestingly, it doesn't matter how much they suffered from being controlled, it is still imprinted in their mind that this marriage.

• Trauma. A person who grew up in a very controlling household very likely will experience emotional trauma. The constant fear and embarrassment of being told what to do and what not to do can be so emotionally painful that it. they constantly have a fear that it will repeat itself. If not properly taken care of, then this in turn causes your husband to have an intense fear of being controlled even after marriage. To protect themselves from being controlled they control others (mainly you).

Don't dismiss this reason if your husband was gentle until the first birth of your child. This unconscious fear of being controlled might lay dormant for many years until it finally surfaces.

• Exaggeration. When a person grows up in a house where there was substance abuse or infidelity then they are likely to exaggerate simple everyday events as the beginning of the horrible habits they experienced when they were young. For instance, they associate the drinking of one beer with a friend as the beginning of being an alcoholic. They interpret, subconsciously, coming home late as their spouse is beginning to have an affair with someone.

If your husband is very controlling you HAVE to do something about it for your own sake and, if you have children, for the sake of your children. If you let it go you will suffer tremendous emotional damage. Identify the possible causes of their controlling behavior; imitation, trauma, or exaggeration, and get help for them to resolve these issues and begin to transform your marriage into a happy marriage.

Unhappily Married to a Controlling Spouse

This article is designed for the unhappily married couples who's done all the "traditional" things:

- counseling

- open communication

- mediation

- utter frustration

If you've done all of the above and you're still unhappily married and your spouse is still controlling, this is the pre-divorce strategy article for you. Let's get started.

No two controlling spouses look the same. There are all kinds of control. From the most subtle to the most harmful, a controlling husband does his best to make you feel like you need him, to monitor what you do and where you go, to direct your life and judge what you do for a career, how you're doing as a spouse and parent, all in the name of "looking out" for your best interest. Controlling spouses control because it's the only way they know how to feel in control.

They project onto you their own feelings of insecurity, frustration, and disempowerment by making the focus what you are doing and why you should be doing things his way. Controlling spouses are never satisfied. One level of control leads to a deeper desire to control. Many are great debaters and can outtalk your need for freedom in two minutes flat.

This article is NOT about how to change your controlling spouse. Change is a personal choice and people only change if they choose to. This article is NOT about making the marriage work. This article is about teaching you how to reclaim your life even as you exist in a controlling relationship.

Here are three things you can do to cope with a controlling spouse while you decide what to do about your marriage.

#1- Decrease the number of "need" situations.

Controlling spouses thrive off of the idea that you desperately need their help, that you couldn't function without him. The best way to debunk that myth without starting an open confrontation is to decrease the frequency of "need" situations. Take care of business while your spouse is at work so he isn't home to see that you "need" his help with doing something. Hire someone to take care of tasks so the meeting of the need isn't being done by you or your spouse.

Keep things simple and do what needs to be done without going overboard and consuming great chunks of time. This will reduce the likelihood of your spouse feeling the need to "butt" in.

#2- Create distance through activity.

If you spend most or all of your free time at home with a controlling spouse, guess how much of your time is going to be spent controlling? All of it.

Reduce the effects of a controlling spouse by getting out of the house. Find ways to occupy your time that don't involve direct contact with your spouse. Even taking a thirty minute shower everyday where you lock the door and have thirty minutes to yourself is getting away from the control.

#3- Establish personal power through subtlety.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make with a controlling spouse is to "explain" why you need more freedom. The fact that you even feel the need to explain your right to be who you are is proof positive that your spouse has way too much control.

Don't explain. Don't rant. Don't fight. Instead, re-establish a sense of personal power through subtle moves. Start your own checking and savings account and don't discuss it with your spouse. Make your own appointments, phone calls and take care of some of the chores usually done by your spouse and don't discuss it. You don't need to publicize the fact that you're taking your power back. Just do it.

A controlling spouse is not fun and games to live with. Until you make a clear decision, you've got to go the route of least resistance. I've provided you with three ways to do that. Implement them now.

It's all up to you! If you don't take this action to save your marriage, then who will?

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