How to move forward and stop repeating the past

We live our lives according to the patterns of the past, replicating the systems and dynamics to which we have become accustomed.

Our brains are actually trained to maintain these patterns because we strengthen previously established neural pathways.

Without consciousness, it goes on.

It doesn't matter whether we like them or not.

It doesn't matter if we have different aspirations in life.

If we continue to live on autopilot, we will continue to attract similar relationships, repeat common professional moves, and even undermine our progress toward change.

We may even feel a little impulsive or rushed when we encounter a similar situation (or even a nasty one), as our brains seek out this repetition and reward us when we find it.

This is how our brains maintain homeostasis. It's a biological necessity.

It's not so different from any other compulsion or addiction.

But conscious?

That's a whole different story.

Recently, after another major life transition that shocked me, I was given the gift of a meeting with an intuitive therapist. I talked openly with her about my fears and anxieties.

I shared with her my sadness at the state of my life. I lamented this change in the course of my life and explained how I felt sad and confused at the same time. With a trembling voice, I proudly told her how I had made this difficult decision for the good of my son.

Then it was her turn to make me doze off.

"You think you are righteous in this decision, but it is not righteous; This is crazy!" She went on to describe the way I have maintained the same drive in my life for decades, largely based on early relationships.

She pointed out in great detail the ways I set up my life to continue this cycle, like Groundhog Day.

She is in tune.

It's hard to stay in denial when other people see through your nonsense and call you so directly. It was an aha moment for me.

The process I went through was perfect for my situation, including a lot of music, a lot of diaries, and a lot of brutal honesty.

It may be different for you, but the point is the same.

Here's how to move on without repeating the past:

1. Brutally honest assessments

For four weeks, I committed to practicing written thanks, prayer, and my radical self-acceptance every day.

Daily gratitude is essential to helping me keep perspective and boost my happiness juice every day.

Written prayers are moments for me to reflect on the needs of my loved ones, to convey ideas of healing, and to allow for those feelings of love and connection.

Radical self-acceptance is my attempt to take stock of my current state and functioning. Be honest about who I am and take a moment to let my ego sink in. Putting myself on a map is not so that I can see where I've been, but more clearly where I can go now.

No harsh judgment, no rationalization.

It's like, "Oh, I complain about money," or, "Funny, I don't have time to do the things I like to do." I don't have to like those things, I can honestly look at them and decide if it would be better to make a change, but right now I just observe and accept them.

After these four weeks, you might be ready for a break.

2. Take care of yourself

Don't wait until the first four weeks are over to begin a detailed self-care program. Here we go. As a matter of fact, since yesterday.

The process of awareness and change is one of the most stressful things we can do. For our bodies, change is stress. You will feel raw, you will feel tired, you will need nourishment and sustenance.

It's a spirit-emotional detox and you have to support all your systems to get through it.

Watch what you eat. This means different things to different people, but I recommend cutting back on common toxins: alcohol, sugar, caffeine, gluten, and common allergens.

If you're used to drinking a beer every night to kill your anxiety, or turning to cake when things get tough, then these changes will help you. Another change in change, but one that will prepare your body for a more resilient future.

Adjust your exercise. Do you need more intensity? Less? Longer sweat time? Is it being replaced by something out of doors? One person or a group of people? At the risk of deviating from your normal daily routine, try checking out something that sounds good to you.

Protect your time. When you're creating new patterns of behavior, you need plenty of rest and relaxation. Things that are not consistent with your goals for change should be left off the agenda.

Have fun. Pamper yourself. Drink hot tea. Spend time in nature. Listen to music that makes you feel energized when you're tired and calm when you're stressed. Minimize exposure to visual media for a period of time. Meditation. Take a shower.

Go to sleep. 'Nuff said.

3. Stop checking out

Admit it: You did it. You check it out when things feel stressful, overwhelming, tense, or just uncomfortable.

Checking out looks different for everyone. But usually, if you do something often, compulsively or in order to avoid unpleasant feelings, you are checking.

Any of the following examples could be your checkout form:

Passive aggressive communication

drink

Have a meal not hungry

Internet Use

shopping

gossip

Go on a diet

exercise

The examination and approval

sleep

Don't feel good."

Clean the

In office

perfectionism

If you're trying to open up a new path in your life (and a new neural pathway for your brain!) While checking, then it won't work. You will immediately revert to the default mode.

This change depends on consciousness.

That's the feeling. Even if it feels bad.

You will need to take these self-care measures to support yourself as you eliminate these obsessives.

And you have to be honest with yourself about which behaviors are problematic for you. A big one for me is Facebook usage. I check it often, as if to distract myself from whatever uncomfortable emotions are stirring within me.

I set daily Facebook usage in my planner. I lasted four days. Then he relapsed. Then he tried again.

Progress, not perfection, my friends.

Must persevere.

You can't change what you don't see.

If you don't know where you are, you can't move forward.

But if you're prepared to deal with these changes and move forward with guts, awareness, and plenty of hot tea, you can stay behind.