Three lessons I learned from traveling alone

Six years ago, I took one of the boldest actions of my life. I traveled alone halfway around the world to Ubud (Bali), Indonesia. In June 2008, I was 27 years old and had never left the United States, despite my constant desire to do so.

The combination of fear and comfort made me a hostage to the familiar - until I read Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love. The bestselling novel Chronicles the author's adventures through Italy, India and Indonesia as he seeks to "find himself" after his divorce.

The book is a vivid description of Indonesia's rich culture and lush countryside, blended with my imagination of ornate wood carvings, colourful temples and vast paddy fields.

The wonderful life I envisioned left me in no doubt where I would go once I summoned up enough courage to take my first trip abroad. Whenever I go, I decide to go on my own - like Elizabeth Gilbert.

I let the idea of traveling alone to unknown distant lands hover in my head for weeks, to see if my inner voice would let me get rid of it. Honestly, part of me wishes it would. I guess I think it's easier to give up on your dreams than to overcome your fears.

But the craving didn't go away. So three weeks after reading the book, I felt confident in myself and bought a plane ticket. It was one of the most disturbing things I've ever done.

Don't quit

But once the purchase was made, the knot in my stomach was resolved and the thoughts of fear disappeared. Funnily enough, buying tickets alleviated my anxiety and disbelief because I had already won half the battle against them by giving up the opt-out option.

I have a $1,500 non-refundable ticket in my pocket to prove it.

I did several Internet searches to find a trustworthy hotel to stay in and purchased a guidebook to plan other aspects of my trip. I got a few shots of vaccine, bought a fake wedding ring to reject unwanted kindness, and learned a few words of Bahasa Indonesia. Selamat Paji.

When September came, I boarded a plane and set off on one of the most amazing journeys of my life.

After arriving and getting over the initial shock of being so far away from home or anyone who knew me, I was fine. I have to be.

Over the next ten days, I observed Indonesian culture, biking through its landscape, visiting stores, eating unprocessed food, reading about love during cholera, and telling people that yes, I'm black, and no, I'm with Barack Obama or Michael Jordan.

What do I do

I wasn't robbed. I've never been used. I was not harmed or even threatened. None of my pre-trip fears were realized. If I had let those fears stop me, I would have missed out on one of the most liberating experiences of my life.

It was this trip that showed me what I was made of: the savagery and boldness of the South. "Bold" has been my mantra since returning from the trip.

Boldness, as I said, is not measured in terms of danger or risk. One does not need to bet on injury or death to be bold. Nor does one need to travel the world to qualify. Here's what I know about boldness:

1. Comfort is overrated

I'll put it in bold to indicate discomfort. So what "bold" really means is "embracing discomfort." It is discomfort, not comfort, that produces consciousness and growth.

Comfort is good, of course. It puts you at ease and pampers you. It's safe and warm, and it traps you in inaction. It likes to keep you where you are. It persuades you not to go beyond self-imposed limits.

Comfort will convince you to stay in relationships, careers, and cities where you've grown up. It is one of the most powerful forces for postponing dreams, not taking risks, and not exploring life.

You can't be bold and comfortable. Dare you to step out of your comfort zone.

If you want to be more adventurous throughout the day, ask yourself a simple question before completing a task or making a decision. What is the easiest, most comfortable action I can take? Then, eliminate that option and choose one that makes you more worried.

2. Commitment is underrated

Interestingly, commitment has the power to minimize fear. Once I bought my ticket to Indonesia, fear took a back seat to planning the trip. Maybe that's because we feel fear when we think we're in some kind of danger; If the danger is not real, then the fear is imaginary. However, the commitment is real.

The more promises you make to yourself and the more you stick to your promises, the more you'll learn to believe in yourself. The more you believe in yourself, the more confident you will become.

The more confident you become, the less you'll let fear stand between you and what you want to do. The less you let fear stand between you and what you want to do, the bolder you'll be.

3. Most fears only exist when you make them a reality

When fear tries to stop you from making a commitment you really want to make, ask yourself if the danger is real or imagined. What I feared didn't happen! I breathed my life in fear of a danger that never existed.

Compare that to the regret you feel when you let fear win. Fear or regret? Which would you rather feel?

Fear is temporary. Regret is forever.

Get in the habit of making more promises to yourself and keeping them. Start small and submit often. Promise to call a friend you haven't talked to recently, take a walk, speak up in class or make a suggestion in a meeting.

A commitment that makes you a little uneasy is the best kind of commitment, because the more you embrace the discomfort and work through it, the more you will welcome the opportunities it brings.

Soon, you will understand that not doing what you say you will do will make you more uncomfortable than doing it.