How to make each other lasting love you?

Scenario 1: Your significant other promised you a few days ago that he or she would go out to dinner with you this weekend and watch the new movie. But on Friday night, your significant other suddenly told you that because he was too busy at work, he really couldn't push it and had to cancel this weekend's date.

At this time, how will you express your thoughts and feelings to each other?

Maybe you will say: you promised me ah, how you do not keep your word, too much.

Or: You're a liar, and then start breaking things and throwing tantrums.

Or: I've finished all my work ahead of time, why didn't you say so earlier!

Or: All you know is work, work, why don't you fall in love with your work!

We can imagine what kind of situation such expressions will put the next conversation into. Therefore, it is especially important to focus on the goal of our communication and to draw away from the emotional feelings of the moment in a timely manner.

Exercise: If it were you, how would you respond to the other person? What are your strengths in communication? What do you need to pay attention to in communication?

Here we share with you the classic sentence: express self-feelings and needs + express gratitude + express request.

For example, you can respond like this: Dear, I am quite disappointed to hear you say that the weekend date will be canceled (describe the fact + express the feeling). Because I was looking forward to our meeting and missed you, but I understand your helplessness of having to work overtime for work, and I think you are also working hard (express understanding of the other person). I can ask my friends to watch a movie with me and go to a barbecue that I haven't eaten for a long time. I will arrange my time and life (expressing that I can arrange my life, reassuring the other party and slightly blaming myself), looking forward to the next date with you, remember to take care of yourself (expressing the need and making a request).

Such a response presents a wealth of emotions, not only loss, but also relief and anticipation. It also gives feedback to the other person that we are not hard to please, and this creates an opportunity to meet each other next time.

In getting along, strong mood swings to go with the undercurrent of the years. This is actually to learn how to present their true selves and expose some of their weaknesses, so that the other party with you in the process of getting along feel, love quarrels and bitterness, but not to destroy the relationship, which should control our rhythm and the degree of exposure.

For example, the appropriate quarrel, cold violence, can pull the other party to care about you. But try to think, with each other cold war half an hour and cold war half a month, the front is a small work of love, the back is a big work of injury.

In getting along, no burden to properly expose their emotional needs dependent on each other, but can make each other gradually rely on you, which is a sense of psychological need. Operation can let each other for you to do what he \ she can do, good at things, the key point is, timely positive feedback, that is, after the other side to do, give each other excellent emotional feedback and discourse feedback.

In getting along, we also need to be good at bowing our heads and showing weakness. It should be clear here that admitting our fault does not mean we are really wrong. Many times the initiative to admit our fault or show weakness is only to appease the other party's excitement at the moment, so that both people can regain their calmness and sanity, and when the other party's emotions are stable, then we can speak clearly about the matter, and only then is it feasible to speak clearly.

In getting along, we also have to dare to take the initiative. In fact, the initiative does not mean pleasing and catering, the significance of the initiative is to increase the opportunity of communication between the two people, which is also the opportunity to understand each other.

In getting along, we also want to let each other feel relaxed. In fact, ease is to let each other life, behavior, and feelings gradually slowly rely on you, once you leave, it will be very difficult for the other party, very uncomfortable with this sense of disparity.

Finally, we want to share a psychological effect, the impression box effect. The meaning is to constantly psychologically suggest to the other party for a long time. For example, if you say the other party is sweet, the other party will take the initiative to be soft and sweet on their own. This psychology is once we know inside the other party in the affirmative evaluation of their own, will want to cultivate such as the other party evaluation of their own self, that is, we say matching effect, simply try to find each other's strengths and potential, express appreciation and exaggerate the praise.