How to Help Men Who Are Being Abused

When people think of domestic violence, they typically think of women being the victims. Unfortunately, men can also be the victims of domestic violence as well. This type of abuse can manifest as physical, emotional, verbal, and financial. Abuse against men happens more often than most people think. According to a collection of domestic violence statistics featuring the CDC, “... more than one in four men in the U.S. have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.” Learn more here about how to recognize the signs of abuse in men and how to help.

Get evidence of the abuse

Every time there is a confrontation that involves physical violence, the abused should take this opportunity to call the police and get the incident, as well as their injuries, documented. Keep a journal that lists each abusive event that includes the time, date, and any witnesses.

Pictures of any injuries such as bruising or cuts should be taken as well. Since law enforcement and medical professionals are less likely to ask if a man is a victim of domestic violence, it’s important to keep evidence of the abuse.

Another source of evidence could be witness testimonies. If you were being abused in a public place where friends and family are present, they may be able to attest to law enforcement or legal representation about how and when the abuse took place.

While this can be an important tool to have, it's also important to keep their safety in mind. In many cases, people who interfere with an abuser and get in the way of their perceived control could put them at risk for retaliation or physical harm. According to studies, 20 percent of homicide victims are friends, family, people who intervened, law enforcement officers, and bystanders of domestic violence.

Never retaliate

In many cases, an abusive partner will try to provoke the abused into a reaction. If you do retaliate, you may be at risk of having charges or accusations of abuse brought against you. If you feel as though your partner is trying to make you angry or get a rise out of you, diffuse the situation by leaving the area. If you are unable to do this, exercise the “gray rock” method. This includes communicating in an uninteresting way. This can include giving short or one-word answers.

While retaliation may make you feel powerful in the moment, it can create ammo for your abuser to use against you in the future. Do your best to remove yourself from the situation and put distance between yourself and your abuser.

Create an exit plan

If you need to leave quickly, it would be a huge advantage to have an exit plan already in place. This would include putting together a bag that contains important documents, medications, evidence of the abuse, and necessities such as clothing and toiletries. Also, create a list of domestic violence resources that can help you work through the hurdles that may pop up after leaving your abuser. It may be safer to keep these items out of the home, such as in the trunk of your car.

While an exit plan can be frightening, it can also provide hope to a situation that may feel inescapable or never ending. Sharing your exit plan with loved ones can also be a source of support both emotionally and physically.

Being abused as a man can be confusing, depressing, and even embarrassing. If you are a male experiencing violence at the hands of your intimate partner, you are entitled to the same support as a female victim. Speak with a professional to get you the help you need.