How to handle loneliness for not having a partner?

Some people experience unwanted loneliness by linking it to not having a partner . This causes them, in turn, to develop a dysfunctional way of relating to other people, either due to the constant search for a partner and/or the belief that others disapprove of their single status.

As we will see, this experience of suffering from loneliness due to not having a partner is based on a mirage, but regardless of whether it more or less adjusts to reality, it is undeniable that there is an emotional discomfort in the face of which measures must be taken. For this reason, in this article we will delve into this phenomenon and we will see some guidelines and advice that you can apply to your day to day to better manage your emotions and your personal relationships if you suffer from this problem.

What is loneliness for not having a partner?

The first thing that should be clear is that this form of loneliness does not follow from the fact of not having a partner, although when we suffer it it seems to us that it does . In fact, it is perfectly possible to be happy without having a partner, among other things because we are not "designed" to be able to feel well-being and self-realization only if we are in a romantic love relationship.

The myth of the better half is just that, a myth that is kept going generation after generation not because it indicates a truth about human nature, but because it reinforces a series of stereotypes and gender roles. The truth is that human beings generally need frequent human contact, the possibility of connecting emotionally with other people who remain in our lives, but they do not have to adopt the figure of "boyfriend", "girlfriend", " husband” or “wife” .

So… What is loneliness for not having a partner? It is actually a kind of unwanted loneliness that has not been well "diagnosed" by us. We assume that the problem is not having a partner, and that causes us to enter a vicious circle of loneliness, because we learn to relate to others through emotional dependence and the management of the shame that “being alone” generates in us. Now, it is possible to get out of this circular dynamic.

Possible causes and triggers

What is it that leads some people to suffer this type of loneliness that they perceive in a distorted way? These are the main causes and triggers.

1. Social expectations related to heteronormativity

As I have anticipated, there are a series of prejudices, stereotypes and beliefs deeply rooted in the culture that lead to a negative view of those who do not have a partner, something that feeds the fear of not having a partner and predisposes to attribute unwanted loneliness to this done.

Here, gender roles play a fundamental role, so this cause tends to have special importance in the case of women, since there is more pressure for them not to remain single after the second stage of their youth.

2. Family pressures

This is a more "micro" version of what we have seen in the previous point; In this case, the person feels pressured by the family to find a partner soon, something that greatly affects their self-esteem and intensifies the feeling of not having anyone to act as emotional support .

3. Low self-esteem

Complexes with one's own body and insecurity when assessing our social skills (for example, the ability to have fluid and fun conversations with people we still know little about) are two of the main pillars of low self-esteem linked to loneliness due to not have a partner

4. Fear of rejection

Even people who feel good about their own bodies and have well-developed social skills may feel a wall between themselves and other people due to fear of rejection, something that, if it is very intense, never makes them feel better. dare to take the initiative when seducing, meeting interesting people, etc.

Tips for coping with loneliness due to not having a partner

These are some general tips that can help you overcome this form of loneliness, although the most effective measure is to go to psychotherapy.

1. Apply assertiveness to those who are pressuring you

As we have seen, many times there are people around us who, even without intending or realizing it, make us grow insecurities and needs that are not real. Therefore, the first step is to tell them that you are not satisfied with that situation .

2. Dig deeper into the relationships you already have

Do not underestimate those links that you already have; break the inertia of always talking the same way and in the same contexts with those people and be interested in connecting with them.

3. Create meaningful new relationships by letting go of the pressure to find a partner

Assuming that when meeting these people you are not being evaluated as a potential boyfriend or girlfriend, it will allow you to release tensions and behave in a more genuine and spontaneous way, something that in turn helps those conversations to be more pleasant and flow better .

4. Practica Mindfulness

Mindfulness will help you relocate yourself in the "here and now" by getting rid of intrusive thoughts and catastrophic predictions that lead you to self-sabotage and generate a state of constant anguish. It is a resource that helps you not to avoid your problems, but to see them through a new perspective free from old formulas that do not contribute anything constructive to you.

5. Develop a personal project that excites you and that entails loneliness

If you develop a hobby that gives you goals in the medium and long term and poses a significant challenge for you, you will stop associating loneliness so much with the concept of "wasting time"; It will also allow you to develop very valuable self-leadership skills to strengthen your self-esteem .