How to do if you are too jealous?

I can't help being jealous of other people's good life and complaining about my own life. How can I face my jealousy?

From the point of view of truth and beauty, it is a kind of motivation that makes people long for a better life; from the point of view of falsehood and ugliness, it is a kind of mentality that does not want others to live better than oneself.

The two sides of jealousy are the same as water, which can travel and overturn the boat.

It is just that most people who are lazy, not strong-willed, and cannot withstand temptation directly avoid the positive aspects of jealousy and are tired of its negative aspects. Probably because it seems easier to lie in bed looking at the beautiful life of others in the flowery world and complaining about oneself than to let jealousy become a motivation for the self to move forward.

So, how do we deal with jealousy when it comes? In three steps: respect it, gain insight into it, and optimize it.

What should we do if we are too jealous? How to face your jealousy?

01. Respect

First of all, let's talk about how to respect jealousy.

By "respect", we mean to acknowledge its objective existence and reasonableness, and not to avoid, deny or escape from it. When jealousy works, ignoring it is the biggest nutrient to allow it to grow wild. Choosing to avoid it is tacit approval of its wantonness. On the contrary, when jealousy appears, it is undesirable to deny it at first, to subconsciously identify it as dross, or even to hate yourself because you cannot restrain its existence.

The above two attitudes are very different, and they both boil down to the fear of jealousy. Fear of seeing your jealousy, choosing to avoid it, and trying to deny it, are both avoidances.

For example, when you hear a horrible sound, it will go away if you face it bravely. When you encounter something horrible, only if you face it, you will never see it again."

It's the same when facing jealousy, look it straight in the face, respect it, and it won't be so scary.

02. Insight

Once you dare to look at jealousy, the next step is to gain insight into it, to think deeply, and analyze the reasons why jealousy arises and the situations in which it occurs.

In my understanding, the main reason for jealousy is contrast. The object of comparison is anyone who lives better than oneself, and the content of comparison can be divided into three categories: the jealousy of hope, the jealousy of difficulty, and the jealousy of loss.

To put it in a broader context, "hope but can't get" is a desire to get something that you don't deserve or don't belong to you. For example, if someone is born with a golden spoon, if someone wins the lottery by accident and becomes rich overnight, if someone can meet a diamond king on a plane, if someone grows a superstar face that can support a play, you are jealous, so jealous that your eyes are red and you lose sleep.

But it's useless! The probability of these good things happening is too low, so low that we can only use "good luck" to explain. And the luck thing, there is, no there is not. Jealous of other people's good fortune, is asking for trouble, self-imposed blockage.

Difficult but not", people always want to easily have a good life through the hard work of others. Such jealousy only shows that people want to be strong, but are willing to work hard to be self-improvement. Sometimes, you know that something is not easy for you to achieve, but you still can't control the jealousy that makes you think otherwise. This will only lead to more and more anxiety.

The third situation is "lost but not allowed", because you choose not to have the life you want. This is very understandable, to give a common example, when they stand at the crossroads of life, facing the "stay in the big city" or "go home" these two choices, a few years ago their choice is "home "But now when I see that the life of my friends who chose to stay in the big city has gradually improved, but my life has not progressed, jealousy will start to work.

Such jealousy includes remorse, and the torture always starts with "if only", "if only I had not been so impulsive ......", and "if only I had The life that you wanted could have been yours, but you lost it completely because of a poor choice.

The more a person's heart is not willing to the status quo, the more jealous they are, and the more they are always concerned about life elsewhere.

But, is it necessarily better to choose someone else's life than you have not chosen? This kind of jealousy will only make one's life worse and worse. You have to understand that your life is in front of you, not elsewhere.

Even if the life elsewhere is good, it is someone else's, not yours.

After all these talks, have you noticed what kind of expectations jealousy can ultimately fulfill? It is all about "wanting" and even reveals the illusion that all good things in this world can fall on only one person. How crazy and stupid is this idea?

My mother used to say that people are born to suffer in the world, but I think being trapped and tired by jealousy should also be considered a kind of suffering. There is no real way to stop it because everyone wants to live a good life easily and walk on the road to happiness. It's just that the more you think about it, the more the pain is doubled.

03. Optimization

At this point, it is very important to "optimize" your jealousy. What is "optimization", in layman's terms, is to use it effectively.

The first point is to use jealousy to see what you want.

Close your eyes and think, what do you want most right now?

Is it a wrinkle-free and harmless face of an unmarried girl, is it a cabinet of designer bags, is it the sound of RMB falling every day when you wake up, or is it the spontaneity and loneliness that others present when facing hardships?

Wanting everything is not possible. But among the many things that are worth spending jealousy on, there must be one that you are most jealous of.

When you don't know what you want most in life, look at what you are most jealous of and you will have the answer.

With the answer, it depends on whether you are willing to take action or not, which is the second point: use jealousy to meet a better you.

Jealousy is not a cosmetic product that can beautify your life if you have it. It is just like a dream, it is just consciousness, no matter how strong it is it cannot change the reality as it is.

If you want to satisfy your jealousy and make yourself better, there is only one way to do it: work hard and become stronger. Look at those single items lying in the shopping list because of the shyness of your pocket, the circle of friends' global tour that you can't reach because of the meager salary, please work harder, cheer up and earn money, so that they can turn from pictures into beautiful things and experiences that you can have.

A better you is the metamorphosis from jealous to experience.

Knowing what you want and getting what you want through hard work, the next more important thing is: to use jealousy to find your most comfortable state of life.

People are always jealous of all good things, but not all good things are for them, but there is no harm in trying and experiencing them if you have the chance. A pair of big feet that are too high-backed for high heels can wear the most beautiful crystal shoes to walk around the red carpet; you can wear pointy shoes that don't fit your body shape and are very cramped but fashionable to cope with the workplace meetings; you can also wear the Mary Jane shoes that don't fit your age but are sweet and cute to go on a date.

Finally, you may be surprised to find that simple, generous, non-abrasive flat shoes are the favorite. And life is that pair of shoes, beautiful or not is important, comfortable or not is important.

Having said that, back to the question: "How to face your jealousy?" The answer is not in my answer, it is in your choice. Jealousy is like a fog that cannot be seen through; like a deep forest that cannot be walked out of. It hurts people and stirs their hearts, and it is hard to extricate yourself from it.

If you choose to indulge in it, you have to suffer from it and endure its pain. Choose to use it as an anchor, ride the wind and waves, and move forward, you can get to shore as soon as possible.

Jealousy is born from the heart and dies with the heart. How to choose, how to go, all depends on you.