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How To Be a Better Lover

Here’s the truth about what girls wish guys knew when it comes to learning how to be a better lover.

By Ossiana TepfenhartPublished 6 years ago 7 min read
Top Story - January 2018
Photo by John Schnobrich

If there’s one thing that most men wish they knew, it’s how to be a better lover for their partners. For most men, it’s a matter of pride knowing that they can please their partners and make the girls they love get a little weak in the knees. It’s also the reason why the “neighborhood Lothario” tends to make so many men jealous; it almost feels like he may know something other guys don’t about the female libido.

Believe it or not, guys can always learn a little more about women—and the best places to learn about sex might often surprise you. Even something as simple as browsing a winning sex toy’s company website, like Dame, can give you new lessons about what girls want and what guys need to do.

Ever wonder how you could become a better lover for the girl you always admired? Here are some of the best ways to get girls thinking about you as the best they’ve ever had…

Actually listen to what they have to say.

Photo by Cody Black

This seems so simple, but so many men tend to overlook it. Most guys hear, but they don’t listen. They often will assume they know what the girl wants, even when the girl makes it crystal-clear that she wants something else. It’s the easiest way to make a girl feel ignored and not taken seriously.

One of the easiest ways to learn how to be a better lover is for you to actually listen to what the girl you’re seeing wants. If she says that she’s always wanted a guy who would buy her flowers, wait a bit, then buy her flowers. If she says she’s not in the mood, listen to her. Better yet, ask her how her day was and listen intently to what she has to say.

Listening to a girl, in and out of the bedroom, is the easiest way to become a great lover to her. Do this, and a lot of the problems you have with girls will probably dissipate.

Don’t always go into an interaction with sex on the brain.

Photo by George Coletrain

You’d be shocked at how many girls end up becoming paranoid about guys, simply because so many guys are only kind to girls who they deem attractive. It’s actually one of the main reasons why most girls get nervous when guys approach them in a friendly manner.

A lot of guys end up seeing girls as sex dispensers, without actually seeing them as people. This happens because every interaction they have with them tends to be done with hopes of sex happening later on. Stop doing this! Having female friends can be a great thing for your dating life—even if you’re not dating them.

Along with getting other girls you are interested in to feel at ease around you, just having female friends can help you learn how to be a better lover on an emotional level. It helps you see girls as more than potential mates, and also can help you learn what to do to get a girl interested in you. After all, girls know girls better than guys do.

You’d be surprised at how many guides discussing how to be a better lover talk about sex toys. A surprising number of guys and girls tend to shy away from sex toys, thinking that it shows they’re "not good enough au naturale," but this is the actually the most foolish thing you can do.

A sex toy should never be viewed as competition. Sex toys do things that hands and mouths can’t, and they can enhance both partner’s pleasure in the heat of the moment. For example, Dame’s award-winning Eva has gotten a solid reputation for being able to be used in foreplay, and for enhancing bedroom fun for both partners by being placed right where all the action is happening.

Moreover, sex toys help you avoid boredom in the bedroom. So, by all means, take your time to experiment with the different toys. Chances are, you’ll find one that will make her beg for more time with you.

Have a life outside of love.

Photo by Helena Lopes

Perhaps one of the most draining things that a girl can experience is a guy who just doesn’t know how to have a life outside of his relationship. No one wants to have that much pressure on them, and the truth is, it’s a very reliable sign that a relationship will turn toxic.

You need balance in order to stay attractive to your girl. That’s why having a life outside of your romantic world is so crucial.

Don’t be a selfish lover.

Photo by Matheus Ferrero

When you’re learning how to be a better lover, nothing is quite as important as realizing who you have to focus on. Do not try to be the guy who tries to be a better lover for his sake, so that he can brag to his buddies about what he made his girl do. This is not being a better lover; it’s being a better jerk.

If you want to legitimately be a better lover, then you have to realize it’s more about your partner than it is about you. Focus on what your partner is feeling and use your knowledge of body language to see if they’re liking what you’re doing. If they are overjoyed with your actions, then keep doing them. If they are showing clear signs of discomfort, STOP and apologize.

Communicate with her and ask her to guide you.

Photo by Maru Lombardo

The issue most guys have with being a better lover is that every girl is different. Some girls need a lot of cuddles, others can’t stand touch unless it’s during sexytime. Some girls like certain kinks, others find them revolting. Every girl, and everybody, is different.

The only surefire way to find out what you need to do in order to please your partner is to ask her for guidance. Let her tell you what makes her get giddy, and if you’re having some physical fun, let her moans be the guide. Since every girl is different, every girl will have different lessons to teach when it comes to learning how to be a better lover.

On a similar note, girls aren’t psychic, either. So don’t be afraid to offer guidance to girls, too.

Clean yourself up.

Photo by Patrick Coddou

Let’s be honest for a second. Would you be interested in sleeping with a woman who smells like she hasn’t washed “down there” for days? Would you tolerate bad breath? Probably not. Girls are really not that different than guys in this respect. No one wants to be with a lover who smells like they don’t bathe.

A little bathing, a clean shave, and a nice outfit will do wonders when it comes to how people perceive you. Well-groomed means attractive.

Slow down.

Photo by Toa Heftiba

Pacing is one of the biggest issues men face when they’re trying to become better lovers, and this is true about a bunch of different aspects when it comes to relationships. Guys, this is not a race. In fact, acting like it is a race will backfire. Why so many guys seem to think it’s okay to fast-forward things is beyond me.

Most girls do not like to feel rushed, whether it comes to sex, foreplay, or even broaching the topic of commitment. Take your time to get to know her, and if you’re getting lucky, take your time to find out all the little things that make her body feel good. The more you build up the tension, the better a lover she’ll find you to be.

Of course, you can also overdo this. So, use your judgment to figure out when’s the right time to get to the action.

Don’t be afraid to compliment her.

Photo by Tanja Heffner

Part of learning how to be a better lover is realizing that girls want to hear praise and compliments from their partners. Though you’d never guess it, most girls aren’t exactly confident—and many of them harbor insecurities about their bodies. So, don’t be afraid to compliment your partner.

Lastly, learn to laugh things off.

Photo by Matheus Ferrero

Perhaps one of the most difficult parts of learning how to be a better lover is learning not to take dating and sex so seriously. Relationships will always have awkward moments. Dating can turn into a major cringefest, even for the most graceful of people. Even the most epic Cassanova will have slip-ups. Even Don Juan himself probably had ladies who rejected him.

In these situations, the difference between the average and above average lover can be seen in how they deal with it. An average guy, or below average guy, will get embarrassed and shut down. The best lovers? They’ll laugh it off, and if it was a rejection they faced, will go on their merry way.

Nobody said you have to be perfect to be a great lover; you just have to be able to give your partner a memorable experience. And, at the end of the day, that’s a skill you never stop learning.


About the Creator

Ossiana Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

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