How Has Your Life Turned Out So Far?

When I read the plethora of articles about life and work it seems success is primarily measured in dollars. There seem to be countless articles admonishing people to quit the drudgery of their day jobs that apparently are the only thing holding them back from fame and fortune. I think that in the end, dollars make up only a tiny fraction of one's success in life.

I wonder about life goals. I never had a grandiose plan for my life. It makes me surmise that there are two types of motivators at work in the world, or at least a motivator and its opposite. I'll call them the planners and the plodders. I know I am firmly in the camp of the plodders, which makes me endlessly curious about the planners.

Are you a planner or a plodder?

As a plodder, I step through life one experience at a time, and much like a carnival bumper car I only change direction when I run into something. I can mark the major turning points in my life by dumb luck and circumstance. I run into something unexpected - hey maybe I'll try that!

A planner on the other hand must approach life in a completely different manner. A planner sees the future as a progression of steps to reach predetermined goals. A planner must have a deeper understanding of themselves to understand what they'd like to be doing in the future.

Planners - please explain how it works.

When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I never had a clue. I contrast that with friends, say at least by high school age, who knew what they wanted to do and were already looking at colleges that specialized in their field of endeavor - the college applications were already in the mail.

I had a vague sense that I wanted to continue playing football for several more years, so I was headed to the local junior college. Course work? Sure there was probably coursework that went along with playing a bit more football. As I recall I was up for anything that did not include science or math. I spent a couple of years at a junior college with a football major and a minor in business. What was I planning to do with a business degree? I had not the foggiest idea. So two years at JC stretched to three, three, and a half - lots of units amounting to nothing.

My planning friends zipped through JC if they had to go their first (for cost considerations), then moved on to a four school where they graduated on time unless they didn't. If they didn't then the self-examination would follow. Planning and goals always carry the risk of failure.

The plodder does not worry so much about failure. It's hard to fail when you've set no goals. I moved on to a four-year school and promptly signed up for a semester of foreign relations coursework. You think I'm kidding right? Did I have an ambassador in the family tree? No, I did not. At the ripe old age of twenty, I would have been hard-pressed to explain what foreign relations meant.

Bump! 

About halfway through the semester, my dad let me know he wanted to open a retail branch of his beauty supply business in the town I was going to school - did I want to help? Although deep in my foreign relations study I walked out of school one day and never looked back, that is until much later when I had to crawl back asking forgiveness.

Why did I go to work for my dad? Beats me, we never got along. I moved out as soon as I was able, good riddance and all that. Unfortunately, I had bumped into something else as well, or I should say someone else. I suddenly had the burning desire to get married.

I suppose the planners put a lot of thought into their choice of a life-long mate. My planning ended at cute and bubbly. To continue the bumper car metaphor I hit two big obstacles at roughly the same time and went spinning out of control into oblivion. For the plodder, regrets begin to mount up, not because your plans never came true, but that you were far too oblivious to make any plans or chart any course, in the first place.

Big bump!

After ten years of marriage, I met my soul mate. Actually, I met her husband and we became good friends. After getting to know this fellow pretty well, we'd cut wood together on weekends, take the kids camping, it became clear that he had a severe drinking problem. I began to get calls that he was incoherent, could I come and talk with him. We were neighbors and I would walk with him for hours around the neighborhood to sober him up. We had many a lunch, many a talk about overcoming his problem with alcohol, but he'd always revert and we'd be back to walking the streets at night.

On Saturday afternoon I walked over to see if my friend wanted to take the kids to the park. He was not home, instead his wife answered the door. We looked into each other's eyes and fell head over heels - the beginning of the great train wreck.

She was a kindergarten teacher, retired now, but her influence (bumped me) into the world of elementary school education. For the first time in my life, this plodder planned out the next four years to get a teaching credential and escape being in business with my dad. Finally, I would begin a career of my own - it was a rewarding and refreshing change.

How do you measure success? We raised five kids. We've been married for thirty-six years. I had a successful teaching career - but all the pain and suffering to get here. One son has decided as an adult that he hates me, but at least we have a fine relationship with our other kids and eight of our grandkids. But the guilt never leaves me. It was my fault after all is said and done. Perhaps if I'd been a planner it would have worked out better.

How do you measure success? I'd love to know. Are you a planner or a plodder or some hybrid in between?