How Do I Get Past The Fear To Ask Someone Out?

Many people who have confidence believe that it is not too difficult to ask someone out. It's as easy as striking up a conversation. But it is is quite nerve wracking for some due to four main things: our personal level of confidence and self esteem, the desire for approval, our self worth and the immediate goal. These four factors have to be addressed in some way before we can find the courage to persuade someone to date us. After all, if we believe we are insignificant, worthless and not worth dating, we cannot be surprised when others believe it, too, and stay away!

There are three steps to overcoming those nerves in order to ask someone out.

• The first stage is to work on your confidence and self-esteem. As a rule, people who are afraid of doing anything they desire lack the confidence to do it because they do not feel they are worthy. They have low self-esteem which makes them feel inadequate, perhaps unattractive, 'ugly' or unwanted. They are likely to believe that everyone else is much better than they are and no one would want to go out with them, especially if the object of their attention appears beautiful or good looking in their eyes, or seems unattainable to them. Someone with low esteem is likely to have the perception that he/she does not have the capacity, the resources or the requirements to achieve certain things in life, and interacting with others in a beneficial way is usually one of their key problems.

Low confidence with low self-esteem has FEAR at its core.

1. fear of making mistakes;
2. fear of being made to look a fool;
3. fear of saying the 'wrong' things;
4. fear of looking 'stupid';
5. of not being worthy and, above all,
6. fear of rejection.

This deep fear determines feelings of self-worth so that everyone else usually appears more competent, confident, attractive and far 'better' than we are. Yet, low self-esteem and low self-worth come from a lack of self-love. People who don't love themselves tend to hope that others will love them regardless. But how can someone else love what we reject?

• Loving ourselves also builds our self-worth, the next stage. We are more likely to appreciate the wonderful beings we are and value our presence more when we feel good about us. Self-worth comes through constant gratitude for who we are, being thankful that we even have a life when many others are dead, and slowly appreciating our many blessings (the fact that we have all our faculties when many others are disabled in some way, for example!), despite any perceived faults.

By appreciating ourselves daily and routinely, we won't be too ready to put anyone else above us, which will ultimately give us the courage to do whatever we like, including asking for a date. We will realise and accept that the other person is as human as we are, not above or below us, and they can only say 'NO'. But, equally, they could say 'YES' too! The moment we think so lowly of ourselves that we put others above us is the moment we become insignificant, both in our own eyes and theirs, because people can only treat us how we treat ourselves. Moreover, when we love ourselves first we are ready to love others, too.

• Next, you have to establish your GOAL. Exactly why do you wish to ask that person out? Is it because you desire some company, you would like to be simply friends and to get to know them better, or is that person a potential partner? The reason is important because that person will be asking him/herself that question, too. They will be wondering what your motive is, especially if they do not appreciate you as much as you might like them. It is always best to be clear why you are asking for a date. It means that if there is a rejection, you can cope with it much better than being in limbo. Most of all, if you know what you want, you will also know why you are asking for it.

• Finally, ditch the desire to please and be yourself. Our need for approval usually gets in the way of realising our desires. We so desperately want to be liked, or to be thought of highly, that we put the opinions of others immediately above our needs and lose out in the end. We often put the opinion of ONE person above our own, believing that if we are rejected by that individual then everyone else in the world won't want us either, immediately ruling out the millions of potential dates that are there to be asked! Our desire to please overrides our common sense, especially when our self-esteem is low. Our fear of being rejected keeps us from appreciating that one person's 'NO' could be another person's 'YES'. We just have to be persistent and don't give up. So long as we take life in our stride, believe in ourselves and do what comes naturally, the world is most certainly our oyster.

Get the courage today to ask someone out by believing in yourself, loving yourself as you are, faults and all, accepting that everything you do are not major events in themselves, but simply new experiences in your journey of life to develop your full potential. Stop focusing on what you might do wrong and accept that everyone makes mistakes. Above all, revel in being YOU, not what other people want you to be, and enjoy what makes you feel comfortable. That should boost your confidence, make you much happier and infinitely seem more attractive to those you might wish to impress. As long as you always remember that the person who likes you as you are will be only too pleased to accept your invitation!

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