Heartbreak Loss Hurts Too

If you’ve ever experienced a heartbreak, you’ll understand the soul-crushing numbness you feel in those first few days.

You’ll then spend the next few weeks and months passing through ‘stages’ of heartbreak. It can sometimes feel like it will never end.

Losing someone in a romantic sense can trigger similar emotions to those you may experience after dealing with the physical loss of a person.

The loss you feel when a person dies is different to that of a heartbreak loss. Both have the potential to be complex and traumatic events.

I have experienced both, they are incomparable in many ways. However, accepting that the grieving process is similar can help you to find more acceptance of the situation. It did for me.

The Kübler-Ross grief cycle is a model which describes five common stages of grief you may experience after a loss.

They are referred to as DABDA:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Firstly, acknowledging that these are common emotions to experience after a lifechanging event is reassuring. There are moments during loss where you feel isolated from those around you, as if no one else could ever understand the emotional turmoil you’re experiencing.

As time passes after the heartbreak, you can reflect back on your emotions and pinpoint what stage of grief you may have been experiencing.

The grief cycle isn’t linear. In all honesty, it isn’t really a cycle at all.

I prefer to view it as a spectrum of emotions you may experience after a heartbreak or loss. Some emotions will stay with you longer than others. Other emotions you may return to several times. It is an individualistic process.

Physical Pain After Heartbreak

Extreme emotional pain has the capacity to cause pain and unease to your physical health, too. Digestive issues, faulty immune responses, and lowered heart health are all problems which can be initatied or worsened by emotional pain.

Depending on the length of the relationship, it’s also completely normal for your body to feel different, somehow, after heartbreak. For some, it can feel like a piece is missing from an otherwise complete jigsaw puzzle. For others, the jigsaw puzzle has been broken up into a hundred pieces. It's completely different for each person.

In her book “Heartbreak: A personal and scientific journey”, Florence Williams explains how partnered people’s bodies literally sync up with one another. This is known as co-regulation.

“Your bodies really co-regulate when you live in such close proximity and in an intimate way with someone. Your heartbeats actually regulate when you’re asleep. Your cortisol levels line up — your morning and evening cortisol levels. Your respiration rates sometimes align.”

Aknowledging the science behind heartbreak encouraged me to show myself more kindness. It encourages me to show the same kindness to my body if I had a broken bone. I'd rest, recooperate, and and care for it whilst I nursed it back to health. It shouldn't be any different for the emotional pain of a heartbreak.

Accept the Non-Linear Path of Heartbreak

In the end, heartbreak and loss carve deep into the fabric of our being, challenging us to navigate a tumultuous sea of emotions and physical responses that can feel overwhelming.

The science behind our heartache doesn’t just explain the why and how; it connects us to others who’ve felt the same pangs, the same physical ache, reminding us that our struggle is a part of a larger, shared human experience.

So, let’s take a little solace in that — in the reminder that while heartbreak may isolate us, it also ties us to everyone who’s ever loved and lost.