Healing after a Broken Engagement: 7 Tips on Moving Forward

After seven years of dating, five years of living together, and over a year engaged, we called it. Our relationship wasn't working anymore, our lives were headed in different directions, and our goals no longer aligned.

Even though the breakup was mostly mutual, ending a relationship with someone whose life has been intertwined with yours for so long is painful. It's scary, and it feels impossible. So much love remains between us, but unfortunately, sometimes love isn't enough.

The process of ending the engagement has been arduous: telling friends and family, losing money from deposits, packing away pictures and gifts given with love and the assumption of forever...

While seemingly insurmountable at times, moving forward with my life is the only next step. I knew I couldn't spend all of my time wallowing, so I found small things to make each day more bearable. Some may seem obvious, others silly, but that doesn't mean they weren't worth the effort.

1. Therapy

Counseling was a given for me. I was already seeing my therapist twice a month, so I continued to see her. She was already aware of the relationship issues we'd had. Her insights often remind me to be more empathetic, but also to stand up for myself and place boundaries when needed.

In a way, I'm grieving. So having someone to help navigate that grief when life hits too hard has been extremely helpful.

It might seem difficult to bring a new counselor up to speed, but talking to a professional brings a different perspective than you can get from your loved ones. Jot down few notes prior to your first appointment and allow yourself to be vulnerable.

2. A Breakup Playlist

I created a specific Spotify playlist just for my breakup. You can find it here, if you're interested.

This tip may feel like a silly one, but when you're alone in your car and need an outlet, screaming a song at the top of your lungs can be therapeutic.

Personally, I recommend staying away from sad breakup songs. Find songs that empower you. If you want to include some sappy ones, be sure to mix them up with upbeat, or even mad, tunes.

My anthem right now is "Naked" by Sam Short. Give it a listen, you'll see why.

3. Get out of the house!

Especially if you work from home like me. You need to get out of the house! I don't care what you do, but staying at home every night after work is not helping you.

I hit the gym, go to Target, get Starbucks, go to the park, take my dog for a walk... No matter how I'm feeling, I get out of the house for a little bit each day - even if it's just a walk around the block.

Get some sun, feel the fresh air, and remember there is a whole world outside.

4. Reach out to friends and family

This one should be obvious, but it's so important to remember. Your loved ones are worried about you, and they want to help you. Let them!

I call my mom at least once a week. I've made it my mission to see at least two friends each week. It can just be dinner, a drink (or two), a movie, or just a couple hours to chat.

My dog park buddy has been crucial the last couple of months. We meet up with our dogs, talk shit for an hour, and then we go home.

5. Treat Yourself

Eat good food. Get a message. Go shopping. Have a few drinks. Smoke a joint. Get your hair and nails done. Get a new tattoo or piercing.

Whatever feels good, don't hold yourself back. If I want a strawberry slush with Nerds, I go to Sonic. If I want to relax and soothe sore muscles, I book a massage appointment.

I sold and donated old clothes and bought new ones. I've scheduled a small photoshoot for my dog and I. And I even dyed some of my hair purple.

6. Rediscover your hobbies

When we called off the relationship, I sat back and realized that I'd let a lot of my hobbies slide over the last year or so. I spent a lot of my time managing a long distance relationship and working on our various issues. Between all that and work, I didn't have a lot of mental energy left.

Suddenly I realized I hadn't written anything in nearly a year. I hadn't read a book in over six months. I had barely touched a paintbrush. I had even stopped playing my Switch.

But here we are - I'm writing something. I've done some (very ugly) painting, and I read an entire book in two days this month.

7. Cry

I have always been an emotional person, so crying during a breakup isn't new or surprising. However, I firmly believe allowing myself to mourn this relationship is helping me move forward.

If I find myself getting sad or mad, I let myself live in those feelings - rather than pushing them down. Let the tears fall. Let the snot fly. Let the sobs out. It is okay.

Don't believe me? Do the research yourself. Crying releases endorphins that help relieve pain and self soothe (source). Crying is good for you.

All things considered, heal the way you do best. But make sure you take the time to process, as well as remember who you are. I'm taking this breakup in stride and using it as an opportunity to find my new dreams. I'm not starting over; it's just my chapter.

Bonus Tip:

Dogs.

I don't think I need to elaborate further, but just in case...

Your dog, your friend's dog, your neighbor's dog - find some dog to love on. Get some snuggles in. It is so hard to be sad when a dog is staring up at you or licking your face. Just saying.