Having friends is super hard.

by Samira 3 months ago in advice

The constant over-thinking, and trying to please everyone even if you try not to...

Having friends is super hard.

Like I mentioned, having friends is definitely hard and I feel like this is something that we don't really talk about. Why is that?

Maybe it's because we're scared to actually bring this topic up in fear of being considered problematic, or in fear of people assuming you talk behind your friends back? As a female, I could list plenty of reasons why we, as girls hold back from this topic. I also find myself wondering at times that if I was a male, would friendships be easier to uphold?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying friendships are a burden, they're actually the best part of life thanks to the memories we create within our friendship groups. The real point I'm trying to discuss is how it can often make us feel.

My personal favourite is the constant over-thinking. The "oh I haven't heard from ..... more than a day, gosh I must've done something wrong" and then playing the "things that I did wrong" movie in your head for the rest of the day, or in my case, having the movie on loop until I eventually hear from that friend. Let's also discuss the need to always please your friends because you love them so much and don't want to let them down. This is probably the worst thing we can do to ourselves, why you ask? .. well if you're saying yes to everything, where is your free time? where is your genuine self? your voice etc.

I never really used to value friendship, not because I didn't care but because I never realised how important they actually are. As someone who has moved countries and cities multiple times, I made a ton of friends along the way. It never occurred to me how crazy that was, but I now realise I never appreciated those friendships because deep down I assumed that I would be moving again real soon.

Until my final destination, Birmingham - United Kingdom.

Surprisingly it's been over five years and we are still here, I finished secondary school in this city, college and now even university. Thanks to being in this city for so long, I truly made some amazing friends during my time at university. I had such a blast. Until things began to slowly change and forced me to realise the importance of friendship.

I won't get into detail but I will say it's just your typical friends drama, but this one was different. It really forced me to look at my own behaviour, why I do what it is I do and after being locked away from society and the world for so long (stupid Covid-19) I came to terms with something we all need to practice which is to ...

STOP CARING SO MUCH.

We often get comfortable with the idea that we need friends to have value, that if you don't have a "squad" you're not cool, or you don't have fun. We expect our friends to be the ones who make us happy, to protect us and to be there for us constantly. Why do we put so much pressure on this idea, why do we need so much from them? The truth is we actually don't, we just think we do because it's how society function, it's what you see on your favourite teen TV show, what you see on many Youtube vlogs, and what we see on IG.

Which is why I'm changing my perspectives completely from today and onwards, I am slowly learning that I am, and can be my own damn bestfriend. I don't need anyone to tell me otherwise, or make me feel otherwise. I have to start teaching myself that caring is kind, but not to over-do it, because if I do, that's where I open the door for miss anxiety to do her thing. This doesn't mean that I'm simply turning my emotions off (I totally would if I could) it just means that I'll be paying close attention to the way my mind processes things, and how I can let that thought process impact me mentally.

If you struggle with this just as much as I do, I hope this is able to help you somehow, and if you would like to talk more about this topic, feel free to send me a message on IG (@possiblysamira) I would love to hear from you.

XO,

Samira.

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