guilt trip

Guilt is the hardest to get rid of from ourselves while healing. When you’ve been conditioned to not respond the way you properly feel, we bind ourselves to something that is not real; and when it's time and we feel safe enough to come out of what we have held ourselves in, we end up realizing that a lot of people have to go. A lot of our healing is tied with the ability to be able to first feel and acknowledge everything done to us and things we've done to others and then comes the part of releasing everything that does not serve us and putting to work everything that does. Pain is meant to work for us and up until we stop working for it, it will continue to use us up.

Letting go of feelings, thoughts, toxic patterns, that stuff can come sometimes rather easy, you say you've had enough and that's that. It's letting go of people that comes at more of a cost. The guilt trip happens more often when we choose to keep those in our lives that have caused us damage because part of our guilt trip convinces us that we must accept everyone and everything into our lives as is in order to truly ‘heal’ or ‘forgive’. Most of the guilt and shame we hold on to is the very thing holding us back from healing properly, we are so focused on trying to create the bit of life that we never had, or trying to love a person for something they're not, that we forget why we want to heal in the first place. A single person can never be more important than the feeling of being healed and happy within ourselves.

We live to heal ourselves to bring joy to ourselves and our healing can not be based on whether others are okay with how we choose to heal and whether or not they want to respect and accept who we become after we heal.

I began to realize that the only way out was to stop guilt-tripping myself for how I used to be, and stop allowing others to guilt trip me for how THEY used to be, and most often continue to be the way that hurt us. Most often the reason we feel guilt-ridden is because of the projection of this other person "oh, why can't you get over that" or "it's not that important anymore." or maybe that when we continue to talk about it, it seems like we are not over the situation. A lot of the time people think that we must never speak of all those bad things if we want to continue living in harmony, but the thing is what shall we talk about then if those are our life experiences?

We hold ourselves back when we think about this idea of bringing everyone with us despite what has happened because we crave what we were wanting in the time frame where they hurt us instead. So, because we crave what we were missing out on so bad it allows us to stop thinking about what we truly want in order to heal and we begin thinking back how we used to because we feel bad that we are feeling what we feel over the past and we begin to continue our cycle of trauma bonding instead of forming proper connections. No one will protect your existence when it comes to healing, the people who try to control will control when you slip and say they are just holding you up, those that manipulate will manipulate you into falling again.

Not everyone can come and it's hard to recognize when it's time to cut someone off. At times it feels like a betrayal or giving up or maybe it feels like resentment of the past. Healing comes with a lot of grievances and loss because we are dealing with things that our new self can no longer carry into this newfound life, but as we grow from one person into our new identity it would be ridiculous to think that clothes from my childhood would still fit me now.