Growing Up/Growing Old

Have you ever considered just how weird we human beings are? We spend about a third of our lives laying in bed asleep - we build advanced technologies just so we can sit on our butts all day long - and we consume literal poisons (tobacco, alcohol, Mountain Dew) just for shits and giggles…

No wonder aliens are too scared to talk to us.

Lately I’ve been considering the strangest part of being human: and that is the process of “growing up.” Seriously - what does it mean to “grow up” in the first place? For a lot of people it’s simply an extension of “getting old”: we are born, we get taller, we get older, our bodies shut down and we eventually succumb to cold and bitter ravages of relentless Death…

It’s not just the aliens that are scared of those people.

For me, even as a youngster, this definition never really satisfied me (for more than one reason). Even back then, I always believed there was a huge difference between “growing up” and “growing old.” And, I kid you not, over the years of my still-relatively short life I’ve encountered many living examples as evidence for that thesis.

I’ve met peers in middle school who carried a wisdom well beyond their years, in all the best ways, before they even turned 13 years old. I’ve met peers in the working-world who may have grown older but none the wiser (typically in all worst ways), and they have long surpassed their 30th birthdays. Shoot, some of them have long surpassed their 60th birthdays!

My point here is that ‘growing up’ and ‘growing old’ may be connected in several meaningful ways, but the thing that truly separates them is the element of Maturity. “Growing up” ultimately means we mature; it demands that we must mature. We must learn to listen as much as we learn to speak; we must learn to help others as much as we learn to help ourselves; there are times when we’re allowed to be apathetic, but there are also times that demand us to exercise empathy.

I firmly believe that the reason most of us struggle with this concept is because they seem like two opposing forces - and, especially today in our modern era, we (incorrectly) assume that we have to pick one over the other. Personally, I don’t think that’s ever the case (neither side is inherently right or wrong… usually). But I can understand that struggle, mainly because it’s one that I’ve been struggling through in recent months.

I’ve had to face some very ugly truths about myself lately; about my past especially, because it’s my past that has been haunting me the most in recent months.

It forced me to realize that I haven’t really grown up as much as I had thought; not because I made all those mistakes in the past. Rather because I never really owned up to them before now. And because I never held myself accountable, I was never able to forgive myself.

We human beings are indeed strange creatures: we assign arbitrary ages and dates to mean something important is happening. Birthdays, anniversaries, solstices, even death-days. It’s a degree of ritualism we all practice, because these dates do have significance, though on a more personal level. But I believe it is a mistake to make such an assignment to “growing up.”

Just because someone turns 13 doesn’t mean they’re any less of a kid; just because someone can legally drink, doesn’t mean they’re on top of the world; and just because someone’s turned 60, it doesn’t mean that they have “it” all figured out. Life has a way of walking up to your best-laid plans and punching them right in the face.

While growing-old is inevitable, growing-up is well within our control - and at every single stage in life. I think that’s the real beauty in it.