Getting Back to "Momma" Again

As I’m driving you home, you're telling me of each of your ideas as to why you would rather stay with me than go home and I’m trying to hold back the tears.

All of this hurt is because of me, so much pain that I can’t erase, it doesn’t matter how much love I have for them, it wasn't channeled to the right place.

My heart breaks in pieces every single time I must say goodbye, but one day we will do that for the last time, and then mommy will do nothing but smile.

I give him the biggest smile, he doesn’t know it’s just a mask,

All I need is a stable home, which should be a really simple task.

I Pray my kids never have to go through things that I’ve went through. If I told you the half of it, you wouldn’t believe it was it true!

To him I can do absolutely anything, he thinks I'm some genius and everyone loves me. What's even cooler is he thinks Im a hero there is absolutely no one else above me.

He has no idea just how weak I have become, I try to help him understand it, but he ignores me because to him, I am the Sun.

I pull in the driveway and he bolts out to come open up my door. My sweet boy is growing up so fast, and he’s a gentleman for sure.

His momma is his whole wide world, all he wants is for me to take him home, he doesn’t care where home might be, he just doesn’t want me to be alone.

We both put on a brave face as I walk him up the stairs, his arms tight around my waste, he whispers momma this isn’t fair…....................

I know sweetheart how hard this is on you, I’m making you a promise to do what I have to do.

Whatever it may take to make our family whole, to have a home filled with love, that is my ultimate goal.

Put a smile on your face son, go get a good nights sleep, I hug him one last time, then go sit and my car and weep.

My heart is so broken, how will it ever be whole, I keep hearing his words speaking right to my soul.

God please guide my steps, show me what I need to do, I know I’ve drifted away but I am nothing without you..

I’m giving you everything, so take what you please, just please replace it with something to put my heart at ease.

I don’t know where to start but I know I need help from you, I’ll do whatever it takes just show me what to do.

I’m so sorry I didn’t listen, please forgive me for turning away, I haven’t put you first in my life and I can’t waste another day.

I know the promises you made me, and I want to see them come to pass, I know I have to do something different and I have to do it fast.

My heart is hurting and my soul is tired, but to make all of this right I would walk straight through fire.

My life has never been simple, I wasn’t dealt an easy hand, but I’ve been crashing for so long now, I think it's time that I should land.

I don’t want my children to be scarred for life, I never want them to run when things get hard,, I want them to stand their ground and fight.

That’s why I’m meeting my problems head on this time, no matter how scary it is, I am going to face my crimes.

At least then my kids will know that I did the right thing by telling the truth and accepting whatever justice than brings.

Wasting every day and every chance I've been given to smile and dance, just pushes me harder to never take another thing to chance.

To enjoy my children, to just enjoy living, that’s all I want or need.

To give my children the life that they deserve and not let them be controlled by greed.