From the other end of the line

As I lay here on this cool bright September morning, I find myself thankful for four amazing people who dropped into my life in unexpected circumstances And I wouldn’t change that for the world. You all are amazing in your ways. Each one of you has made a mark on me that I will never forget. There are so many things I can say or do to express my gratitude yet it’ll never truly stand up to the reality of your guys’ impact on me and the changes I’ve begun to make in life because there are people out there you care about. I wish I knew a proper way to thank all of you. I hope this right here can be enough.

first I’ll start with Sabrina. Oh, gypsy. Yes, gypsy because you are the hippie and the spirit of the group. A kindred spirit with a knack for reading people. You always know exactly what to say and when to say it. I wouldn’t change meeting you for the world. I’m thankful to call you my friend. I’m thankful to call you one of my best friends because I know that we are going to be friends for a long time. don’t ask me how I know it’s just one of those things I know. you have so much potential and I know you see it and you see it in others as well. Gypsy don’t ever forget that even your silence speaks volumes and I want to thank you for showing me the path to where I am today the path out of the darkness that I was living on the day we met and the path to where I’m meant to be in the future. I’m so glad that you helped me see there is a different way that I can make a difference and for that I truly am grateful.

Next, we have Melanie, it’s hard to believe that his friendship blossomed from a random conversation you had with the guy sitting on the floor. Who woulda thought we’d end up where we are today. I know you say you don’t like people but I see a different you behind that tough exterior, underneath is a big-hearted caring person that would do anything for the few she cares for. Don’t be afraid to let people know you care. I’m truly thankful for you helping me see that I have the potential to do great things and that I deserve more than I was giving myself credit for but you mel I want to say the same. you are meant for greatness you’re going to do great things But first, you need to set aside your doubts because those doubts are the only thing holding you back you are great at your job more than great and you already know this. The things you can achieve when you set your mind to them are limitless. you just Gotta let them come to light. somethings in life if you want them you just Gotta let yourself have them, that’s a lesson I learned from you and I hope you can learn this lesson for me as well. please don’t go anywhere the crew needs you. and more importantly, I need you. I couldn’t have imagined we’d be such great friends from that simple exchange that happened the day we first spoke. But looking back I wouldn’t have it any other way

Next move on to Shay. Oh, Shay what am I gonna do with you. I got to be honest you got a little bit of a rough exterior but behind that is a soft inspiring person who excels at everything she does you are not only a great agent at work I can already tell you’re a great mother and you’re going to continue to be and I want to thank you for inspiring me to keep going even when things get rough no matter what we’re going through each day that the next day is something completely new that every cloud has a silver lining and for that need to thank you. You’ve inspired me to think outside the box. Taking that into my every day I know things get bad but we can’t have the good without the bad right? You are the comic relief in the group always able to make us laugh when all we wanna do is cry. We have had a few heart-to-heart moments you are one of the few who have seen me cry. I always feel so weak when I cry and you never for a second doubted my strength and that has shown me how strong I am so girl just keeps on keeping on.

And last but not least. oh my dear work wife Cynthia what am I gonna do with you you make me laugh you Are always there for those who need you especially me and I’m not easy to love, hell I’m not even easy to get along with. But you do it somehow and we have great times together you inspired me in so many different ways giving me insight on things that I never thought I’ve even think crossed my mind you challenge me every day and I cannot think of You enough for coming into my life one day and never leaving but I do have to say dear wife things may be tough the world is meant to challenge you but I know for a fact you can do it you will make it and don’t let anybody stop you don’t let anybody get in your way because everything you’ve ever dreamed of can come true we just have to see it happen and then go make it happen. I love late-night talks after work I hope we can continue those even after we find our paths I do hope those paths run close by because I never wanna lose that friend I have in you no matter what life brings in the future.

Each and everyone one of you is important to me and without you guys is be alone and depressed I never would have reached for more I never would have thought I was capable of half the things I know I am now. And as I continue to lay here I hope you all have the chance to read this because I want each and everyone one of you to know you’re my family. I even refer to you all as my wife and kids bc it’s how I feel about the little family we’ve built and the bonds that hold us all together. From the call floor to the dance floor and everywhere in between we are family and with each other, we all shall succeed we all needed each other in one way or another and as our bonds grow stronger our potential also begins to grow as well. If I may make one request of you all I only ask please don’t ever leave no matter how tough life gets or how strained our homes become as long as we have each other nothing will stand in our way nothing will stop the force of nature that our bond creates. Together we are stronger, with each other we will prosper and that’s the truth from the other end of the line. Or so I thought, a month has passed and none of you have said a word to me. Silence envelopes my entire house as I lie here it’s November and the holidays are right around the corner. I’m feeling more alone than I have the entire year I’ve spent here in Florida. Last week my car was repossessed on the same night my house was broken into and that’s the night I lost the box Chris gave me now all I have left of him is memories because he won’t talk to me and I’m that box was a memory of my friend amy before she succumb to darker forces. Also in that box was a piece of glass James asked me to keep safe for him while he was away. As you probably have guessed I couldn’t keep it safe bc it was stolen out of my house while I was at the showers. I was only gone 15 minutes but that’s all it took for someone to snatch the memories I had of three people I at one time held so dear. Every night since I lie awake at night worried they might come back and steal even more memories I hold dear. On this night in particular I find my thoughts wondering to the people I’ve coke across in my time here and how next to none of them are around today. It’s funny how someone can find their way into ones life and in an instant they become a fading memory how a stranger can become a best friend and in the blink of an eye they become a passing thought a fragment of what used to be. It never seems to get easier as time passes and people come and go without a warning or a sign that it’s time for then to depart.

Todays the day James is supposed to come visit me from Virginia, all those months ago the last time I saw him I was almost the reason he missed his plane it wasn’t anything in particular that I had done but that was the day he confessed a truth to me and like everything else now that’s just a memory that’s just gonna fade away. I remember that day so very clearly, there were a lot of tears shed that day. It’s been three days since James has messaged me back. At this point I don’t think he’s coming but I am perplexed at the thought of him not letting me know. That is typical James though, never wanting to hurt my feelings or upset me in anyway so he just avoids the situation even though he knows how much it bothers me. Eventually I’ll get mad and say some mean things to invoke a response and in the end James will feel horrible he made me so mad but what he doesn’t know is how bad I’ll feel for the things I said knowing it was all just out of anger and frustration. Sometimes it’s hard for me to bite my tongue when I have so much on my mind I want to say and at other times I can’t stop myself from staying silent as my mind races and wonders to the thousands of things I try so hard not to let out.

Thanksgiving has just passed us by and I made the decision to work since yet again my family doesn’t even bat an eye to go on like I’m not missing from what used to be known as mandatory family holidays, god I just wish one of them would notice how bad I wanted to be there and yet tried so hard to keep up the act that I didn’t care. I’ve missed every holiday with my family since leaving that dark dismal town I used to call home. Mom says she coming to see me soon but she’s only come down that one time for two days last December. Out of everything I think it’s that I really miss my mom is what gets to me the most while attempting to pretend the holidays don’t exist.

In the last few weeks I have found a pretty good distraction though and it surprised me because it came in the form of someone who’s name is Adam. I’m not jumping into anything and we both agreed nothing serious but I’ve had this nagging feeling we were wrong on so many levels which. Scares me and keeps me guarded which to be complete honest is not fair to him. Adam is such a sweet kind and gentle man the last thing I want to do is hurt someone let alone let myself be hurt by anyone ever again.

A few weeks have past things seem to going well which makes me very nervous because in my experience when things go smooth for too long it’s just before disaster strikes. How will it come this time as I lie in bed all alone wondering when my life began to spin out of control contemplating if I even had a chance to stop this madness before I got in so deep.