Friendships

Love and Support

Different types of friends will love and support you in phenomenally distinct ways and usually on their own terms. Everyone is different and hence not all will express themselves in the same manner. Some will commit acts of service in your honor, others will scream from the rooftops how much they adore you. Some will simply just grace you with their presence with little to no communication. A few will shower you with their time or gifts. It does not matter how they show that they love you, you just need to recognize the different ways the people in your life love and you need to appreciate and understand that none of us are the same. You should respect how they express their love towards you. Do not invalidate their feelings because they do not love the same as you. Love is love, love is not fixed, and love takes on different forms. Appreciate those who love you, love those who love you. All they want in return is for you to understand them in this way and to accept them and love and support them in return.

Private Lives and Issues

Everyone goes through something, and usually only a few people of the myriad of friends and family they have will be aware of their troubles. There will be a few where they are the only ones aware of what they have experienced or are currently experiencing. I say this to remind you to always be mindful that though we go through life with smiles on our faces and cracking jokes, everyone has their own stuff working through. Be kind and always be open minded. An open mind will allow you to understand why one might have done what they did or why they think the way they do. You never know what people have going on behind closed doors and all your friends need your love and support even if you are unaware of their troubles. Before I shared “Letter to Self”, even family members were unaware of my childhood pain. Check on your friends, especially the ‘strong’ ones. This is not to say that you should allow people to treat you terribly because they’re going through something but be mindful of the small things that people do that may annoy you so much and realize that you too have small things that annoy others as well.

Dreams and Passions

Your friends being as dissimilar as they are, will have different dreams and things they will be passionate about. Majority will fade and they will find new ones. Some will be passionate about the same things for a long period of time and others will switch to a different passion every two weeks or so. Supporting them in all they do is one of your jobs as a friend. Letting them know that you care about whatever it is they are passionate about is very important. These won’t necessarily be things that you find interesting but it is not for you to like but for you to support them because a lot of people will doubt them and doubt their ability to do things and it is up to you as their friend to let them know that they matter and their dreams and goals are relevant irrelevant of what it may be. Show them you care, even if you are not into what they are into.

Loss

The sad truth. Not all your friends will remain your friends. It’s important to remember that this does not necessarily have to be a bad thing, people grow and people move on and we will most definitely still care about the ones we were so close to. Speaking negatively about them (i.e. pretending as if the friendship meant nothing to you to mask your hurt, etc.) proves that you in fact still care. It’s good to love the friends that are not a part of your next journey because they were fused with your last. They had an impact on where you are today and who you are today, whether you would like to believe that or not. They may not be your friends anymore but if you are like me, you still love them, and any efforts to try and prove that you don’t love these persons are a waste of your time and energy. Everyone was not meant to journey with you to the end, people are not fixed in your life, and they don’t belong to you. They are here to help you grow and become the best you that the world and yourself needs you to be. There is no need to be salty and negative outside of a relationship when you were not like that whilst in the relationship. It is okay to be hurt by the loss of a friend, it was after all, a break up. However, there is no need to create unnecessary hate and resentment for those who once meant so much to you. They were very important aspects of your life and you should love and appreciate them for just that. They have left their mark on you and you on them. It is so precious to have even experienced someone in such depths and to love them as you did. Don’t turn something so beautiful and meaningful into something hostile and inimical. They served a purpose in your life as your friend and losing them served an even greater purpose. They were needed for you to grow. Appreciate that.