Finding Out Who I Am, Was Just The Beginning
Finding out who I am, was just the beginning.
Some years ago I was searching. I was looking for who I was. Not just who I was but who my ancestors were. Even though I had stopped stripping and started to live a so called normal life, I still felt lost. I would think to myself this is it? I just work, get married, then die? I needed something more. I needed to find out more about my history. So I started researching at the library. First I read different history books. Then I heard a voice say. Go to the internet. I was hesitant at first because I remember in school, I was taught by teachers that everything on the internet was a lie so I shouldn’t trust it when doing research. I found out quickly that was not so true. I listened to that voice and went ahead to find out more about myself and my ancestors. It actually helped speed up the search for me by using the internet. At this time I had also just started to read ancient writings. I was realizing and discovering more about who I am.
Long story short, I was on a metro transit bus when I came across a flyer that someone left on a seat on the bus. I picked it up as I was getting off at my stop. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. After running my errands , I ran home to read and study. I was so full of joy, I cried. I cried because it was right in front of my face this whole time.
I was excited, scared, nervous, angry all at the same time. I continued to study. I eventually told my mom’s household once I was rooted in the understanding to share this information. They heard me out then over time one by one, they started to come into the knowledge. I felt so great. This was the beginning of my walk into a new way of life. But little did I know the battles that I would have to face mentally. And the growth I still needed to do within.
My life has changed and has been better since walking in this new journey. But a lot of things I didn’t know or realize I had to learn. I had to continue to renew my mind and apply what I learned into my life by action. I have stumbled, fell, made mistakes, well because I’m still human. And some things are harder to fight than others. To this day I still am fighting certain energies and have allowed myself to take part in some situations. Which in turn, I made wrong decisions. Yes I get back up and continue enduring, but this is a continual battle.
At the age I am now, I am still learning new things about being a good woman and wife. I still have areas that I need to improve on. And sometimes on things that I do have right, I end up messing up and have to fix it. Unfortunately, marriage relationships haven’t been the best and I tend to leave because I don’t understand that it takes work. Now I do understand that, but wish I did when I was young. And yes I stated relationships. It’s just the truth of my life experience.
I had a lot of hurt and heartbreak as well. This is just life regardless of being in this journey or not. I was given the strength to get through it all. Under the Protection, I was able to overcome and am still overcoming.
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