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Fielding Season

It's the Summer Dating Season

By Judey Kalchik Published 9 months ago Updated 9 months ago 4 min read
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In 2022 I learned about 'Cuffing Season'. At first I thought it was some kinky 50 Shades of Play or something, or else some S&M smack around practice. It really isn't, although if that's your things and you are two consenting adults....

Cuffing season is reall y when people decide, as the weather grows colder, that they want to be with a partner during the cold holidays, family events, and traditional dinners. Not to mention, but probably in the back of their mind, for festive gift exchanges, too. Amazingly (to me) it's acknowledged that the person to which they become 'cuffed' is someone they've settled for. Think 'Mr OK for Now' or Ms 'She'll do'. Not surprisingly to me, at all, is that these relationships tend not to last very long. {SHOCKER!}

Fielding Season is Upon Us

Summer brings on Fielding Season, and the 'cuffs' that were put on in Winter, and that had started to loosen with the Spring thaw, fall OFF and it's time to play the field, baby! Well- it is if you are into that type of thing. Again, you do you.

Fielding season harks back to the phrase 'play the field', which originated as a description of placing bets in horseracing on all of the horses EXCEPT the favorite. From there it began to be used in the 1930s to describe men who had and/or chased WOMEN that weren't the 'sure thing' aka the marrying type.

Just as betting on a risky horse to win, dating and becoming romantically entangled with a 'loose' woman had a thrill that the sedate and likely chaste relationship with a 'good girl' couldn't provide.

It was, of course, limited to describing male behavior in the 30's. Now women also play the field. And, like any good player, it helps to get coaching.

How Do You Approach Dating?

When I decided to get back into the dating scene I was in my mig-40s and didn't want to be alone anyomre. I'd had my 'bounceback guy', gotten my heart bruised, and just thought maybe there would be another partner for me in the world. In short- I was ready to join in again; Batter UP!

I didn't know there was an art to it- I started in the Fall (which is the start of settle-for-it' Cuffing season. Tsk ysk- I went about it all wrong! Fortunately for me, my now-husband and I did not realize our errors!

Summer is prime time to play the field, and dating experts suggest that you have a strategy in place before you start.

According to The Good Man Project, play the field deliberately so that you won't get fixated on the person at hand and close yourself off form other possibilities.

  • Get to know the good- and bad- qualities of your partners and decide what is most important to you.
  • Resist the temptation to stay with just one and don't stop being open to new opportunities.
  • Stick to a three-date-rule: give the person three chances, don't make up your mind on the first date. (See- I disagree. When I was surfing Match.com, one of my first dates asked within the first five minutes: 1. were my eyes real and 2. did I want to be cremated. I answered 1. yes and 2. not anytime soon. There was NO second date!)
  • Prioritize your dates- decide, as you work through the batting lineup, which are the better , errr, hitters. Who is rising to the top of the contenders? We only have so much Summer available, where do you want to spend these precious golden days?

Here's My Take

If you decide to date multiple partners at the same time, my advice to you is:

  • Make it clear you aren't in an exclusive relationship. You are a grown up person, so speaking up about what you're about comes with the territory. This news should not come as a surprise to your partner.
  • Be safe. In all aspects, practice safe field playing! Make sure someone knows where you will be, have a safety call planned ( your friend calls at a scheduled time into the first date to give you a reason to leave), and share the name and location of your date with someone else. And- intimacy/sex. Again- you are an adult, be prepared.
  • Close down the game in case of bad weather. Be honest- if this isn't going anyplace, if it's a bad game, pack up and go home. Don't string along the other person. It's not nice.
  • Take the opportunity to be yourself, now more than ever (and maybe for the first time). If you both know that this isn't serious, isn't exclusive, then you have nothing to lose at all, do you? Enjoy being YOU with another person.

What do you think?

What are your opinions about this time of year? Is playing the field OK for everyone or no one? Please leave me a comment and let me know.

And- should you decide the field isn't where you want to be, this might be just the thing:

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About the Creator

Judey Kalchik

It's my time to find and use my voice.

Poetry, short stories, memories, and a lot of things I think and wish I'd known a long time ago.

You can also find me on Medium

And please follow me on Threads, too!

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Comments (8)

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  • Jazzy 9 months ago

    I think "playing the field" gets such a bad rap. Like, in this new age of digital dating, you almost have to play the field. I think it's more like exploring the field. You don't really know someone well enough, even from three dates; you need time and situations. And honesty and transparency. This was well-written and great advice for those looking to date.

  • Dana Crandell9 months ago

    I think you've offered some great advice for anyone who's considering it. I must admit, the concept of seasons is news to me. I'm not sure Pam would be up for it, but I'll ask. 😂

  • J. S. Wade9 months ago

    Cuffing? Is that where you break up before you commit a felony? Fielding? In college, some called it cattle call to sort the herd. I think women should ask men out. It would save a lot of time because women rule the world anyways. They pick us and let us is hold on to the delusion that we were the brave and courageous ones. 🤣 Good article Judey 🥰

  • The main thing is to be honest, and not hurt, take advantage of people or to be taken advantage of. Excellent article Judey and probably another Top Story

  • It's a different world from when my mother told me, "Nice girls don't call boys," lol. (None of us eight kids ever agreed with her on that one.) If it's okay for the guys, it's okay for the gals, too. I do agree that it's important to be upfront with potential fielders as to whether or not you're going to be exclusive. Guys haven't always been good about that.

  • Cathy holmes9 months ago

    Great article, and yes honest and being yourself are very important.

  • Roy Stevens9 months ago

    I'm not even on a little-league team but even I can tell that there's some good advice for 'pimping one's stats' here Judey. Well done!

  • Lana V Lynx9 months ago

    Dating is a complicated game and you are right: as long as people are open and honest about their true intentions it can be fun to play. This was a good read.

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