Facing the Death During Delivery

It was the night of August 21, 2012. I started experiencing labor pains. I had suffered a lot during my third pregnancy. My gynecologist was very concerned about my complicated situation. I had been suffering from a urine infection for the last 2 months. The 8th month had been challenging for me. The weight of a growing belly, internal discomfort, and two small children. Abraham did all he could to help.

The doctor decided to operate. It was the second day of Eid and the holidays were on.

They took me to the operation theatre and started preparations.

I was lying on the bed in hospital clothes and waiting for the procedure with a throbbing heart. Delivering a child is like always on the border of death and life.

I was praying for all the best.

I remember the words of my gynecologist to other doctors, before injecting the local anesthesia, who were male “Don’t think she is some other woman, think of her as me, lying before you so her body is just like mine. Respect her body”. These words gave me comfort and I loved my doctor deep inside from my heart.

My eyes were open and the operation had started. I was not feeling anything. I was waiting for it to end. I was eager to see my new baby.

I could listen to the doctors’ conversation. My doctor’s voice poured into my ears “She is a girl. Call a child specialist for a thorough examination”.

After some time I heard her saying “What’s going on, her bleeding is not stopping”. These were the last words I heard and I felt I would be no more. I said goodbye to my children, Yousuf and Fatimah. There was no other memory other than my children.

I was unconscious for doctors but for me, my brain was thinking and I was seeing myself moving towards death. I could think and feel the complications of that situation.

I was on the verge of death. Black and white spots were dancing in the darkness. I asked them when they would disappear. I desperately wanted them to vanish.

In that darkness, I was accompanied by a sound and I believe that was Satan, who tried to convince me by saying that was the reality. The life I spent was fake and a lie. He said those spots would never disappear and I would have to tolerate them forever. It was not a dream as I knew death was close.

I wanted to get rid of those spots. I recited Durood Sharif, a prayer so that Satan would leave me and I meet my destiny. I was sure those spots would disappear, either I would come to life or as God says I would go to the world of spirits.

It was extremely painful to see those spots. There was no sense of time.

Then suddenly I felt a flood of light. There was no ambiguity as I knew I was in Operation Theater. That light was from the operation theater’s giant bulb. My doctor’s voice started coming “She is coming to her senses. The operation is successful. Alhamdulillah”.

Thorns were pricking my throat. But drinking water was not allowed. Wet tissue paper was applied to the lips.

I remembered everything that happened to me. God showed me what the face of death is like. After shifting me to the ICU they covered me with many blankets. I was extremely shivering with cold. My sister showed me my third child’s s picture to divert my attention and to make me happy.

The next day, my husband told me I had a new life. The excessive bleeding made my doctors think that it was uncontrollable and would lead to death. My Dr. Riffat Shaheen told me that She had experienced 2 cases like mine in her 30-year career. She was not sure about my recovery. My husband allowed them to remove my uterus for the sake of my life. Thank God all Specialist doctors came in time, left their Eid dinners in the middle, and rushed to the hospital on one call. My Doctor decided everything in time and saved my life.

There are no words to express my feelings.

The knock of the death told me that I love my children the most. I also discovered that our mind works during the journey to death.

Originally published in Medium