F*cking Song Lyrics

How closely are we listening to Song Lyrics?

In my opinion songs are often ignored stories and poems. They are windows into someone’s soul and heart. When you turn on a song are you really listening to the words? Are you finding meaning in the lyrics? Are you feeling anything? That’s what happens when I listen to music. It’s free therapy in a way. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t one artist in particular whose lyrics and videos have helped me through things, I’ll never be able to explain or understand personally. Her music inspired me to write most of my books! And has helped me heal. I’ve cried to her songs, I’ve laughed, and I’ve screamed. But most of all, I’ve felt solace in knowing maybe I wasn’t alone. That artist is Taylor Swift.

One song that has done that for me is All too well the Ten-Minute Version Taylors Version from the Vault by Taylor Swift. It’s not every day you hear a Ten-minute song but this one rips your heart strings out. The song tells a story of teenage heartache, but it’s much more than that. There are themes of gaslighting (a form of psychological abuse where the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind) This is shown in the accompanying short film where the abuser played by Dylan o Brien is manipulating Sadie Sink’s character into believing that he didn’t drop her hand and ignore her during a dinner party. He tells her that she’s making the entire night about her and that she’s being selfish. She eventually decides that she’s embarrassed and feels silly. But if you look deep into her eyes, you can tell the relationship is breaking her spirit in ways that I’m not sure you can explain in a short film. Though as the song progresses you can put together how this might be occurring. See when someone is being gaslit they question their own sanity. I can personally attest to this struggle for reasons I’ll get into later. While there are some very sincere and raw moments happening throughout the relationship presented there are many more moments of toxicity and chaos.

The film ends with a book being written about the relationship called All Too Well A Novel. The story is something I think we can all relate to. I know I can. I wrote about this for a site called Vocal. The piece is called F^cking Memories. It tells a story of a girl who gets love bombed, gaslit and has her heart cracked open like a walnut. It tells a story of a girl who was constantly told she was never good enough or smart enough. It tells the story of a girl who had to find her own way out. The song tells the same story. The song gives solace to those who have been through similar things. And has inspired many to write their own story, including me.

So with that I wrote my story, I sat down at my computer and started typing. I typed until I couldn’t physically think anymore. I let things go that I hadn’t thought to and processed some heavy emotions. I let myself cry and get angry. And honestly? It was the most healing experience I’ve ever had. I have to wonder what would’ve happened if that song hadn’t been released, I wonder if I still would’ve shared my story. I let people in on the gaslighting, and other forms of abuse I’d suffered. I also let people in on how I found a way out of the woods.

Like Taylor Swift, I wrote my book because I had memories playing through my head like a bad clip show. I had to release them. I kept having moments of toxicity and chaos coming up for me. I kept having sincere moments of love as well. But in the end, toxicity won, and I had to leave. I had to my voice back. Song lyrics aren’t just words, there a window into someone’s soul. Songs are stories and poems. Songs can easily bring back memories and moments that you either love or hate. They can say words that you don’t have courage to say yourself. That song did that for me. It said things I couldn’t say myself. Song lyrics are almost like Bible Verses to me. This song is just that.

The lyrics of the song holding the most meaning to me are, you said if we had been closer in age, maybe it would have been fine, and that made me want to die. The idea you had of me, who was she? A never needy ever lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you. These lyrics suggest maybe an age gap romance and a relationship of inequality. It describes a situation where everything someone says isn’t good enough or incorrect to the other person. Thus, leaving you gutted at best.

Another set of lyrics would be, And I was never good at telling jokes, but the punchline goes I’ll get older, but your lovers stay my age. This suggests that the age gap would be deliberate in hopes of being able to easily control someone. This may not be the case in all age gap relationships, however this one was toxic at best. The whole song tells a story so well.

That’s what I attempted to do with my books. Tell a story that everyone could relate to in some way. Leave the words running through your head like a bible verse or a song even. My story is similar to the one presented in this song. I don’t need to tell it here. I’ve already written about it. I’ve moved on. But like this song says you can move on and still remember something all too well.