F*ck the Five Stages of a Breakup

Let me start by saying Breakups suck. There really is no other word to describe them. They hurt and they will for a long time. I cannot tell you how long it will hurt for nor can I tell you when you'll feel better. But what I can tell you is that you'll have to go through what is known as the Five Stages of a Breakup. They suck. But it's necessary. You have to go through each one. Why? Because they all teach you something different. And in the end you feel whole again. So what are these five stages?

Stage 1: Pain/Grief. This one is pretty standard. You basically just cry and feel like shit. You don't want to get out of bed or get dressed or do anything really. This is a painful stage but it's the beginning of your healing journey. It's a necessary stage. To lead you to stage two.

Stage 2: Distraction: This is when you throw yourself into work, friends, family, volunteering or various other things. You can't cry if your busy. This may sound unhealthy but it's actually a good stage. You have to get back out into real life. You still have responsibilites.Running away isn't going to change that.

Stage 3: Stepping out. This is when you start going on dates again and slowly putting yourself out there. You may meet a few idiots or gems. You may even make some new friends! It's an exciting stage. You meet all kinds of great people and even start to feel happy again. But unfortunately the next stage isn't so pleasant.

Stage 4: Breakdown. You were so close to healing. You were so close. This is a stage where you basically breakdown in tears and feel all the pain again. You cry and feel like crap. But it's a necessary stage. This is one more time to get all the pain out of your system and really cry. You're heartbroken. You're going to have moments like this. You're going to cry sometimes. It's part of life. We can't just run away from pain. We can't just numb it with alcohol or drugs. We have to face it head on. This stage reminds us of that. So in a way it's an important stage. But rest assured this stage leads to stage 5.

Stage 5: Moving on. This is a lot like stage 3. Except for one key difference. You're not sad anymore. You're okay. You are genuinely happy. You can finally move on. You hurt, you went through the greiving period and you honored that the best you could. But now it's time to move on. You've read all the self help books. Drank all the wine. (I don't drink, but i know people do) You vented to all your friends and got all the advice. It's a good place to be. Be proud of yourself for getting through each stage and learning all you needed to. Be grateful for the breakup because in a way it was a gift.

Now how long does each stage last? I cannot tell you that. It may last weeks, months or even a year. Everyone is different. This is where you need to be patient with yourself and your heart. You have to let yourself heal at your own pace. You have to listen to your heart on this one and let it guide you through each stage. You'll know when to move on to the next stage. I cannot tell you how to move on either. All I can tell you is that it will get better in the end.